


Tingles

by hj_pan_cake



Series: Lonely Stars [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: ASMR, Alternate Universe, Blushing, Comfort, Crushes, Drinking, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hair Dyeing, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Loneliness, M/M, MARS ASMR, Mutual Pining, Seongjoong-centric, Sexual Humor, Slow Burn, Social Media, Strangers to Friends, Swearing, Texting, YouTuber!Jongho, YouTuber!Seonghwa, don’t need to be into asmr to read this, hongjoong is sweaty, hongjoong thinks too much, unintentional double date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:02:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 65,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23985010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hj_pan_cake/pseuds/hj_pan_cake
Summary: Hongjoong kind of maybe has a crush on his favorite ASMR YouTuber. It’s nothing really, for Hongjoong it kind of feels like having a crush on a celebrity or something of the like.Mars ASMR is like, really good at ASMR. An actual sentence that had come out of Hongjoong’s actual mouth when he had told San about ASMR, back when he first stumbled upon it.(Russian translation now kindly provided:here)
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: Lonely Stars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832197
Comments: 802
Kudos: 1372





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!! thank you for being here, and thanks for giving this story a chance ❤️
> 
> 🐣 you can find me on twitter @ hj_pan_cake

Kim Hongjoong is kind of a little bit all over the place. If he’s not comfortably hunched over practicing the piano, then he’s painting; sheets of random newspaper flung on the floor, living room windows cracked open with pigment-stained palette in hand. If he’s not working on lyrics while (more than likely) snacking on junk from the convenience store, then he’s reforming a jacket or a pair of sneakers into something one of a kind. One minute he’s working on completing orders for Hearts Awakened, his online custom clothing and accessories shop, and the next minute he’s off to his paid internship at KQ Produce, a well-respected record label for producers and singer-songwriters. 

The weather this year took its damn sweet time to warm up in Seoul, and the gradual melting away of the agonizing winter goes hand in hand with Hongjoong’s growing excitement ever since starting his internship and meeting his boss Eden a few weeks ago. Sure, he mostly does a lot of not-so-inspiring tasks around the record label during his shifts, but he is getting mentored by Eden several days a week and even working on a song with him. The song is really starting to sprout its wings, it’s shaping out to have this badass pirate meets youthful dance battle in the desert sort of vibe? It is, something, he really isn’t even sure, but Eden is a fucking genius and Hongjoong is hyped about it and eager to learn and do good. When he’s immersed in music he’s thriving. 

Life loves to throw opportunities at Hongjoong, and it hadn’t always been like that, growing up, but he’s in a really good place right now and grateful for it. He’s not the type to turn down any opportunity with potential, in fact he’s afraid of what he might miss out on if he doesn’t do everything that’s possibly within his reach. He’s never necessarily thought that he excels at any one thing in particular, but if one thing is for sure it’s that he is determined. And he’s further grateful that his roommate- well, _roommates_ tolerate his chaos. 

Mingi is Hongjoong’s best friend and roommate, and Yunho is Mingi’s boyfriend? Emphasis on the question mark but not really because they are beyond obvious at this point it’s almost infuriating. Instead of throwing one of them a surprise birthday party Hongjoong really just wants to throw both of them a surprise wedding. Yunho is over at Hongjoong and Mingi’s apartment _all the damn time_ , he is practically the third member of the household. Hongjoong thinks that it would honestly be better that way anyway; rent would be cheaper split between the three of them and he knows with total certainty that those two wouldn’t mind sharing Mingi’s bedroom. 

He just doesn’t know how _sensitive_ the concept might actually be to suggest, so he continues to hold back and pray for one of the abnormally tall and blundering fools to confess already. He also doesn’t know exactly how Yunho maybe feels about the whole living-room-basically-being-Hongjoong’s-extended-music-and-art-studio/workplace situation. All of his projects that he _tries_ to keep behind the doors of his bedroom always manage to spill out into the rest of the apartment where there’s more space. It’s kind of a fucking mess, Hongjoong admits, but it really be like that sometimes. 

Hongjoong is a tiny whirlwind of creative energy in the wake of two giraffes. Although Mingi would be quick to fight on that one, protesting that he looks nothing like a giraffe. Lately Hongjoong has gotten Mingi to rap for some of his tracks and he’s actually pretty damn good at it. 

Sometimes Hongjoong walks the neighbor’s dog when she makes day trips to the countryside to visit her ill mother. Sometimes (a lot of the time) he stops by Horizon Table to pester his long-time friend San during his shift and to grab some food. They talk about random shit until San’s manager threatens him or until Hongjoong feels like he can’t procrastinate any of his responsibilities for the day any longer. 

Hongjoong is a lot and doesn’t sleep much. 

Not only does he not sleep as many hours each night as he probably should, he also has difficulties falling asleep with just about a trillion thoughts and ideas running miles through his head evening after evening. He also has nights where he honestly feels so utterly alone and insufficient. He’s glad he’s got his friends to confide in when it comes to big sad boy hours. But sometimes it just feels easier to not be a bother and to let the bad feelings eat away.

“Pretty sure sleep deprivation will stunt your growth Joongie.”

It’s going on 11:30PM on a mundane Wednesday and Mingi and Yunho are eating frozen desserts in the kitchen and smiling a whole lot and giving Hongjoong a slight headache.

“It be a little late for those warnings,” Yunho says with a breathy laugh, scrunching his nose. “Nothing can save him now.”

The two of them had gotten off their shifts at work a few hours ago and had been telling Hongjoong about earlier that day when they were at the dance studio with San. They showed Hongjoong bits and pieces of their progress on some American rap song they’re choreographing together for fun. They had been insisting that he join them, saying that it’ll look cooler with more people. Hongjoong misses stopping by the studio that Mingi’s family owns; he hasn’t had as much time for dance lately and he can legitimately feel his heart nagging at him for it. He’s promised to at least design outfits for them if they ever wanted to like, film the dance and put it on YouTube or something.

Hongjoong rolls his eyes theatrically and runs a quick hand through his dusty brown hair. 

“Yeah yeah, sure. Goodnight buttholes,” he half-says, half-yawns while turning around to head towards his bedroom. 

“But we’re _your_ buttholes!” Mingi shouts lovingly. 

“Love you hyung, sweet dreams!” Yunho’s honey-dipped voice follows.

Hongjoong is actually kind of proud to say that he’s turning in for the night quite a few hours earlier than he typically does. He brushes his teeth half-heartedly while walking around his bedroom, closing up the window that had been cracked open to air out the smell of glue, tossing some random shirts that had landed in random spots on the floor to different random spots on the floor. He puts so much effort into keeping his shop stuff organized, his own things tend to lack that same orderliness. 

After he’s nestled in bed he thinks about taking out his study books to practice some Japanese or English but _no_ \- he needs to take advantage of the fact that he got everything done that he absolutely needed to at a decent hour that day and catch up on some sleep. 

He doesn’t watch them _every_ night or anything, but more nights out of the week than none he finds that ASMR videos help knock him out like some sort of strong as fuck cold medicine. If anyone would’ve asked him a year ago what ASMR was he wouldn’t have had an answer, but he had gotten into it and these videos truly helped him feel relaxed and drowsy despite the fact that he was staring at a screen which is supposedly not the greatest thing to do right before bed. But by some miracle he’s typically sound asleep before he even reaches the end of a video.

Hongjoong makes a mental note to change his winter flannel bed sheets to regular ones tomorrow because it’s getting kind of hot for them. It’s the material of the sheets that’s making him a little warm, definitely nothing else. 

He actually starts sweating a little when he realizes that his earbuds aren’t plugged in to his iPad and he was about to press play on a video. Not like Mingi and Yunho would’ve heard anything, they’re loudly chasing each other around the living room for god only knows what reason. How dare they send him off to bed and speak of his lack of growth when they had no intention of turning in for the night themselves. The audacity. Hongjoong hopes they’re being careful around the pile of packages that he needs to mail out tomorrow and the various projects involving drying paint.

He makes an additional mental note to _breathe_. 

Hongjoong kind of maybe has a crush on his favorite ASMR YouTuber. It’s nothing really, for Hongjoong it kind of feels like having a crush on a celebrity or something of the like. 

Mars ASMR is like, really good at ASMR. An actual sentence that had come out of Hongjoong’s actual mouth when he had told San about ASMR, back when he first stumbled upon it. 

Hongjoong has really been able to see Mars make progress with his YouTube channel. He’s watched Mars’ videos for a while now and he used to be a little listless a little shy, unintentional with the triggers he tried, no strategy or approach to how he made his content. Mars is so much more comfortable and confident now, Hongjoong can tell. He can feel Mars’ presence and character through his videos. He now has a regular uploading schedule, sets up some really spectacular and aesthetically pleasing backdrops, and ended up investing in a higher quality camera and microphones at some point. His YouTube channel has grown quite a bit, nearing 500K subscribers. Mars is platinum blonde right now and Hongjoong is kind of living for it. 

He tries not to scream as he gets himself sorted out and finally presses play on Mars’ newest upload. It starts out with his typical intro that reads: 

**  
**

**MARS**

**ASMR.**

**relax with me ^_^**

_I’m devastated_ , Hongjoong thinks to himself. 

The intro dissolves and there’s Mars with a mellow smile on his face. His blonde hair is styled to perfection, and he’s wearing a form-fitting black turtleneck with a silver necklace overtop, and grey contacts.

Lord he looks pretty and dangerous but that’s just like, a side note. Just a perk. Hongjoong is here for health purposes.

Mars is sitting at a wooden table, towels placed before him; a pleasant balance of ivory candles, strings of fairy lights, and fresh plants in the background. There’s a nice natural low light captured in the video and Hongjoong wishes he could transport himself to the exquisite setting for more reasons than one.

“Hello everybody, welcome back,” Mars whispers into his microphone, in a tone that one might speak in to a child or an elderly person or someone who requires extra patience or care. _It’s me_ , Hongjoong thinks to himself with bated breath. _I’m the someone who requires extra patience or care._

“My dear friend Yeosang is back with us again today to help me out with this soothing hand and arm massage,” Mars continues gently. 

Hongjoong realizes that he was so distracted by Mars’ ootd and voice and lips and _everything_ that he didn’t even notice Yeosang sitting across from him on the other side of the table. Hongjoong is embarrassed. He almost clears his throat awkwardly in the dark of his bedroom.

And admittedly, his heart drops just a little bit. Yeosang has appeared in many of Mars’ videos over time and no one seems to know if they are just friends or what. Not that it’s anyone’s business, including Hongjoong’s. The two of them are very soft together and it’s not at all an unpleasant thing to watch them interact. The last video that Yeosang had been in was around a month ago and Mars had brushed through his hair and given him a scalp massage. It had totally helped Hongjoong relax and put him to sleep easily and he absolutely has nothing against Yeosang but damn… he is a little jealous. 

But a hand massage though? Like _please_. Sign him the fuck up.

Hongjoong clings onto his Minion plushie as Mars and Yeosang’s massage gradually pulls him out of consciousness. Even though he’s not the one receiving the massage, there’s still something so incredibly relaxing about just watching it happen. He doesn’t understand how the sound and sight of some guy whispering or repeating certain words or moving random objects in front of a microphone is so brain-melting, but it is. Hongjoong thinks it’s pretty fascinating. He’s not thinking of what he needs to get done tomorrow, he’s not thinking of failure or success…. 

When he wakes up the next morning around 7:00AM there’s some dried-up drool on his pillow and his eyelids no longer feel heavy. He had slept quite well. 

//////////

It’s two days later when Hongjoong is approaching the burnished doors of Horizon Table, velvet ball cap on backwards, long-sleeve tee tucked into his bleach-washed jeans. 

Horizon Table isn’t an overly trendy or eye-catching cafe but the food is actually really, really good. San has been working there for almost two years now and enjoys it a lot.

“WANNABE” by ITZY is playing at low volume inside as Hongjoong makes his way through the entrance, instantly spotting San bouncing around and tidying up behind the front counter. He’s wearing a sly grin and his cute work apron overtop a slouchy mauve sweater.

“Oh my god did you see my text,” San sputters as soon as he sees Hongjoong, his grin breaking free into a huge smile as he leans over the counter.

“Good afternoon to you too,” Hongjoong answers as he swings his backpack off and sets it down on the floor. “Sorry, been a wild day so far, you texted?” 

San makes a noise that could easily be mistaken for the cry of a tiny creature as Hongjoong fishes his phone out of his pocket. 

“Oh my _god_ I thought you were here hoping he’d still be here? They just came in to pick up their takeout and left right away.”

Hongjoong’s heart rate quickens just a tad as he furrows his eyebrows at San and looks down at the text notifications on his phone from around 20 minutes ago.

**(sannieee):**

HOLY SHIT JOONG 

GUESS WHO WAS JUST IN HERE

SEXY ASMR 

IM AT WORK HE WAS HERE 

Hongjoong can legitimately feel his eyes widen as he snaps his head back up to look at San. 

“What?” he asks lamely.

“Your ASMR boy! The blonde guy?” San explains, not even trying to keep his voice down. “I gave him his takeout and almost asked him if he happened to be YouTube famous but didn’t know if that would be weird or if those questions make him uncomfy?” 

Hongjoong tries to swallow but his throat is suddenly annoyingly dry. Had San actually seen Mars? Why hadn’t he or San ever seen him at Horizon Table before? Maybe it was San’s shifts? His shifts at work are never consistent. Maybe it was Mars’ first time stopping by the cafe?

“Are you sure it was him?” Hongjoong hisses, hoping his voice doesn’t sound as pathetic as it feels in his mind. San nods his head with almost too much enthusiasm.

“He’s _hot_ he looks like an idol but even better and his friend too, his friend was really out here looking like a prince.”

Shit, Yeosang _does_ look like a prince. It must’ve really, actually been Mars and Yeosang. San’s words are painfully true, but almost comical hearing them come from San, who is quite a ridiculously attractive guy himself. Hongjoong startles a bit and awkwardly shuffles away from the front of the counter as San happily greets a small group of women with toddlers who are ready to place their orders. 

Mars isn’t the type of YouTuber to have a side channel where he does vlogs or anything like that; his viewers really only know the setups he has indoors, with no real hints as to where he might actually be from. There’s no info like that in any of his social media bios either, which is entirely fine, privacy is totally cool. He could’ve been a Korean guy living abroad in Switzerland for all Hongjoong knew. 

Hongjoong is _not_ about to lose his shit over this. Mars is just some guy on the internet when it comes down to it. Whether he lives all the way across the world or in the same city as Hongjoong shouldn’t change anything. He’s always put-together and dresses really nicely and Hongjoong respects that in a person. He seems like a decent human being and he helps him fall asleep it’s cool it’s whatever. 

“So… what- what was he like?” Hongjoong asks after San is finished with the customers, trying to come off as casual but in actuality sounding rather delicate. 

“Just hang around here as often as you can and find out for yourself!” San smirks, playing with his little blonde patch of hair, twirling it around his finger.

Hongjoong’s jaw drops. “That’s stalking!”

“No it’s not it’s just loitering!” 

Hongjoong sighs deeply. He’s not sure at what point his face had gotten so damn warm but it is. He’s tempted to ask San for a cup of water but he knows he’ll get teased for it.

“You’re cute, I want you to meet your ASMR boy,” San coos.

“N-No I would fucking die if I saw him in real life it would not be a good time,” Hongjoong pouts. “And stop calling him my ASMR boy it’s weird.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t want the chance to talk to him.”

Hongjoong glares at San. He’s quickly regretting his decision to stop by the cafe before his shift at KQ. 

“What about online, have you ever tried to interact with him?” San questions as he squirts the countertop with some cleaner, wiping it down with a towel aimlessly.

“No? What would I even say, like… neat video, you’re really soothing and you make me feel a certain way.”

San’s bubbly laugh bursts throughout the room. He’s enjoying this far too much. 

“Hey now, you’re a funky little art boy, like, maybe film yourself doing something ASMR-ish? And tag him in the post as inspo?”

Hongjoong pauses, glaring at San even harder. Mars _is_ usually pretty active when it comes to liking and responding to comments on his videos or Instagram posts and stuff. There’s a pretty decent chance he might see the notification if Hongjoong tags him in something. And if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t be the end of the world or anything. 

It’s really not an awful idea, if anything it could be Hongjoong’s little way of saying thank you to Mars for helping him with one of the basic human necessities known as sleep. 

“I’ll think about it,” Hongjoong says under his breath, picking his backpack up off the floor and turning to head out.

“Tag me in the post too!” San calls out with a wink and a wave goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello thanks so much for checking out the first chapter of this!! this is my first time writing a fic aaa the idea has been haunting meeeee so I was like lemme just casually write this for fun lol I started stanning ateez like 2-ish months ago??? they’ve been my quarantine buddies I’m in love with 8 boys 
> 
> oh and I love asmr it has really helped me combat my anxiety before (attempting) to go to sleep lol so I’m excited to reference some of my favorite asmr youtubers in this fic! 🥰
> 
> chapter two is WROTE and I’ll be updating weekly so feel free to follow along!!! 💕💕💕
> 
> //////////
> 
> stuff in this chapter:  
> [inspo for hand massage ASMR](https://youtu.be/rQmvYmRrgvY)  
> [“WANNABE” - ITZY](https://youtu.be/fE2h3lGlOsk)


	2. Chapter 2

Hongjoong is really out here having a full on notice me senpai moment and he isn’t sure how he feels about it. 

It took less than 24 hours (not that he had counted or anything) for Hongjoong to decide that he would plan on going through with San’s suggestion to… try ASMR? At this point he’s really just hoping that once he films it, puts it out there, and casually tags Mars, that he can stop harboring this silly little crush and move on. Wipe his hands clean.

Hongjoong sets up his easel, canvas, and microphone near the window in his bedroom, shoving some leftover gimbap in his mouth for a late lunch. It’s over a week later, but he’s finally found the time to attempt to cram all of the components he needs as far into this corner of his room as he can, so that the destruction of his living space doesn't make an appearance in the background of the video. He’s not going to even try to add any aesthetic details to the scene; he’s sticking with a minimalist concept since he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. “Something Comforting” by Porter Robinson ends and “Plant” by Sejeong starts pouring out of his speakers.

As Hongjoong prepares his little set-up he can’t help but think about how he is grateful for Mars. It’s weird how when people put themselves out there online, even if you don’t interact with them directly, it’s still possible to feel like you know them somehow? All those nights when Hongjoong could’ve just tossed and turned alone in the darkness, resorting to counting sheep, he was instead able to watch Mars’ videos and feel comforted. There really are lots of great ASMR channels out there, but there is something special about Mars. Something in his demeanor, his disposition. 

Hongjoong is partially embarrassed that he’s doing this but at the same time, why not? The more he ponders San’s attitude towards the whole thing the more he feels himself ease up. Artist to artist inspiration is a real thing. Why pass up the chance to tell someone that they’ve made a difference in your life, even if just a little bit?

There’s a decent amount of natural light aglow in Hongjoong’s room on this subdued afternoon, and he just now realizes that it’s been a little bit since he last did a canvas painting. He’s actually quite looking forward to this. He makes sure that his camera is going to be filming close in on the canvas and paint palette, so that his brushstrokes and other such movements are captured well. He’s crossing his fingers that his microphone will do a good enough job at absorbing some tingle-worthy sounds. 

He turns off his music, pushes his round glasses up the bridge of his nose, and reaches over to hit the recording button on the camera.

It’s as quiet as ever in the apartment as Hongjoong empties some blue paint onto his palette and dips his brush in. He personally thinks that the sound of the brush on the canvas is super pleasing to the ear. He kind of would prefer for this painting to not turn out like shit so he wills his mind to gravitate towards something abstract and interesting. 

Every once in a while he pauses to take sips of his water, leaning in closer to the microphone when he does which is probably really lame but oh well he’s _trying_. The painted image before him is morphing into a night sky, a long, corroded freight train, and a peculiarly large star. 

Painting is never not therapeutic and Hongjoong is feeling thoroughly peaceful as time trickles by and his “experimental project” reaches its end. He makes sure to rinse off his paint brushes but doesn’t bother cleaning anything else up, quick to flop down on his bed, ready to assess both the visual and audio footage he got. He’s getting this done _today_ damn it, before he decides that he hates what he’s done.

_Please let this make me seem fun and fresh and cool_ , he thinks to himself. 

Hongjoong believes that the painting itself turned out alright, the exuberant star lighting the way for the train heading nowhere. The painting transitions from cool tones to warm ones from top to bottom, and that freight train has seen better days. There’s a stark contrast in the wispiness of the painted sky and the rugged, dejected lines of the train. 

He doesn’t put too much effort into editing the video, knowing that it’s just going up on Instagram and Instagram often fucking butchers quality despite it literally being a platform for photos and videos. Instagram video posts can only be a minute long, so he simply chooses what he thinks are the best segments of the footage from beginning to end, and creates several 1-minute-long clips so that he can combine them all in one post. The clips summarize the painting session good enough and should be easy to swipe through one after the other.

Hongjoong is more mentally exhausted than he thought he’d be, but after he imports the finished video clips onto his phone he forces himself to get up and take care of a load of laundry. 

In the back of his mind he’s already decided to post on his personal Instagram account instead of his business account for Hearts Awakened. Even though he often does share random art shit on his business account, he doesn't want it to appear as if he’s doing this for a shoutout for his shop or anything like that. He quickly and rather self-consciously scrolls through his personal account in an attempt to visualize what Mars might see if he does happen to check out his account or whatever, nearly knocking over the bottle of laundry detergent as he does.

His most recent posts are pretty much an equal amount of selfies, outfit of the day, and before & after shots of the clothes that he reforms for himself. He’s got a few random ass photos of the sky and buildings and stuff, and a few of his friends as well. The latest selfie he shared shows just how much his hair is fading from the sandy brown it had been, almost heading into blonde territory but not quite. He had cut off a little bit of the length in the back after Mingi and Yunho wouldn’t stop chanting “kill the beast” at him, but it was still long enough for a baby ponytail. He was sticking his tongue out in the selfie and flashing a finger heart, his pinky nail painted a glittery black. It was taken after he had played around with a new eyeshadow palette, the burnt orange color around his eyes stealing the show. 

Hongjoong continues to do everything within his power to not think too deeply about anything as he selects the video clips on Instagram. He bites his bottom lip and types up a quick caption:

  
  


_  
would I ever get any real sleep if it weren’t for asmr? we just don’t know. I’ve never done anything like this before but I wanted to try!! hope it’s relaxing to watch! this was inspired by @mars_asmr_

  
  


And posts it. The deed is done. His heart definitely isn’t hammering in his chest or anything. He spends the late afternoon catching up on packaging finished orders that are ready to be shipped out. 

//////////

Hair still damp after showering, Hongjoong crashes ungracefully on the couch, drowning in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. There’s a striking sunset dousing the sky outside the living room window and he numbly thinks about what delivery food he should order for dinner because he’s probably too beat to go out to retrieve sustenance himself. He sighs. It’s only Tuesday. 

Sprawled out on his back, Hongjoong stares at the device lying facedown on top of his stomach. He’s been too scared to check his phone, he can’t lie. 

He doesn’t have phone notifications turned on for Instagram, but what he does see when he pressures himself to look is a text notification from San from two hours ago.

  
  


**(sannieee):**

I SAW HIS COMMENT ON YOUR POST OMG I AM: QUAKING

  
  


The “it’s happening” meme from The Office is the first thing that pops into Hongjoong’s head for some god forsaken reason as he fumbles to unlock his phone. 

He swiftly types out “FUCK” and presses send to San. He has the Instagram app open before he can register what’s happening and, much to his surprise and delight, sees that quite a few people have viewed and liked the thing that he did. The actual thing that he actually did because this is all feeling way too real now.

There are several comments, and he sees one left by mars_asmr:

_**I love this!**_ 🥰

Okay. Okay, he saw it, and apparently loves it. Okay. Emoji with the pleasant smiley face + the three little hearts okay. Hongjoong is _breathing_ he swears he is. He gives Mars’ comment a heart and types up a response:

**_thank you!!! I’m so glad that you do!! ; w ;_**

San had left a comment, too:

**_this is magical!!!!! QwQ_ **

Hongjoong slaps a heart on all of the comments while he’s at it, and replies to San:

**_thank u ily_**

Alright, so, mission success? Mars took the time to watch his video and typed words at him, what a time to be alive. It’s hard to think about dinner when your heart is stuck in your throat so Hongjoong checks his DMs, and promptly dies. 

There’s a message from Mars. 

“Oh fuck,” he whispers to himself, suddenly immobile. The message was sent 34 minutes ago, unmistakably later than Mars had seen and commented on the video. Hongjoong doesn’t hesitate to click on it.

**[mars_asmr]:**

Hey! Thanks so much for tagging me in your ASMR video! That was really thoughtful of you and you’re super talented and honestly seeing your post made my day a lot brighter! The painting is beautiful. Thank you again for thinking of me.

Fuck fuck fuck okay. Okay, this is _fine_. Unexpected and wholesome, but fine. He can do this, he is fully capable of conversing on social media like a normal person.

**[joongie.pan]:**

hi! omg no, thank YOU!! I love your videos so much I rlly can’t even tell you!

i subscribed to your channel like almost a year ago I think and you’ve always seemed like such a genuine person so i wanted to say thank u for existing lol!

Hongjoong doesn't want dinner anymore he just wants death but he swipes off of Instagram with a shaky breath and proceeds to scroll through food options for delivery anyway. After he’s ordered something that looks like it’ll have nutritional value, he decides to turn on phone notifications for Instagram so that he’ll know if/when Mars replies. Emphasis on the _if_. He rolls off of the couch onto the floor because it feels like the right thing to do. He wants to text San about what’s going on but he’s… processing too many feelings.

His phone buzzes 10 or so minutes later, sending him into something like a full body muscle spasm on the floor.

**[mars_asmr]:**

Oh wow I’m so honored! I’m so happy you enjoy the videos 

So was this your debut as an ASMRtist? You did such a great job ^_^

Mars is really nice? Really, really nice. Very considerate, actually taking the time to chat with Hongjoong. Hongjoong _hates this_ now he has to figure out the appropriate amount of time for how long he should wait until messaging back so that he doesn’t seem thirsty. Mars took around 10 minutes? Which is amazing, considering the fact that Hongjoong wasn’t even necessarily expecting a response back to his response. He doesn’t have much faith that he’ll be able to wait even 5 minutes.

**[joongie.pan]:**

LOL omg noo I think I should just stick to watching asmr!!! 

ngl I was kinda vibing with it but it took so much work setting stuff up and everything! i have even more respect for you now haha

**[mars_asmr]:**

Omg valid 😂

I’ll be your first subscriber if you ever change your mind!

And thank you you’re too kind 

Hongjoong quite literally can’t handle this right now. Mars had replied really quickly this time. Hongjoong hopes that the food delivery person will take the bag of food to his head and knock him out cold when he answers the door. 

**[joongie.pan]:**

>w< 💖

Hongjoong hits send and aimlessly makes his way to the bathroom to go sit on the toilet for no reason. He hopes that the heart emoji isn’t too much. He didn’t go with the red heart because red means romance, right? And pink and sparkles just mean friendship? He doesn’t know anything anymore. 

20 minutes go by and he’s still sitting on the toilet staring at the wall and beginning to wonder if his dinner is ever going to arrive. A new message, however, does arrive, the damn buzzing of his phone sending another jolt through his petite form. He clicks on the notification.

**[mars_asmr]:**

Ok so I really hope this isn’t too presumptuous of me to ask, but would you maybe be down for doing a collab sometime and being in one of my videos? 

I entirely understand if you’re not interested! 

I noticed that your bio says you live in Seoul I live in Seoul too so I thought I’d ask 

Before Hongjoong does anything he pulls up his texts with San, types out “IM HAVING AN ATTACK” and smashes the send button. 

And he calmly rereads Mars’ message. And again. And one more time just to be safe.

Hongjoong’s bio on his personal Instagram does indeed mention Seoul. He also has his account for Hearts Awakened linked in his bio which _also_ says based in Seoul. He suddenly feels a little strange about already knowing that Mars lives in the area. It might feel bad to pretend that he didn’t already know? Honesty is the best policy, right?

Oh, and he needs to answer Mars’ question. His really really important question. _Holy shit what is happening_ , Hongjoong thinks to himself, throwing his head back to gaze at the ceiling for guidance. There’s absolutely no way, and no reason, for him to say no. He laughs dryly, thinking back to last week when he had told San that he wouldn’t want to meet Mars. Why is he so good at lying to himself. Or maybe he isn’t good at it at all.

**[joongie.pan]:**

ok gotta be real with you i read your message like 3 times lol I’m touched you’d want me to be in one of your videos!!! ; A ; i think it would be fun i’d love to!!

also want to be honest and say that I actually was aware that you lived nearby my friend works at horizon table and recognized you and told me he’s seen you there lol 

**[mars_asmr]:**

Oh yeah we love that place! Small world! ^_^

WE.

_It’s not that deep it’s not that deep_ , Hongjoong thinks to himself, trying not to let his jealously towards Yeosang creep up. He starts to get nervous because Mars says nothing else, but it shows that he’s apparently in the process of typing more.

**[mars_asmr]:**

I’m so glad you’re cool with the idea! I actually don’t know that many people locally that think ASMR is chill or know what it is other than my close friends so I’m excited 

I live close to Hongik University, when would you be free?

**[joongie.pan]:**

like, anytime!

wait wait no I have work lol

uhh I’m off work this upcoming friday? and monday 

**[mars_asmr]:**

Ok how about Friday then?

**[joongie.pan]:**

friday it is!! thank you so much for asking me I’m excited ; w ; 

**[mars_asmr]:**

I’m happy you’re excited! I’ll shoot you my address on Friday 

By the way did your painting have any sort of meaning or backstory? If you don’t mind me asking!

The beautiful boy is still talking to him how is this _real_. Didn’t he have better things to do.

**[joongie.pan]:**

oh!!! I don’t mind at all and I’m not even sure actually I guess I was just thinking about how in life when everything 

is always moving so fast on a track that just keeps going and going 

it’s rlly nice to have like one thing that’s unchanging and constant? 

to have that light that always guides you back to who you are idk 

to know that you’re never actually as lonely as you might feel because you’ll always have that compass idk if that makes sense lol 

Big yikes, he didn’t mean to ramble like that. It would almost be hilarious if he had come this far only to scare Mars off. His embarrassment makes him antsy enough to get him up and off of the toilet seat and he makes his way back into the living room. His phone buzzes. 

**[mars_asmr]:**

It does make sense and it’s lovely

Hongjoong feels the blush crawl up his neck and onto his face, making him a little dizzy.

He had heard back from San and their texts had mostly been keyboard smashing, but Mingi and Yunho hadn’t come home yet, most likely at the dance studio until closing or maybe chilling at Yunho’s family’s place. Hongjoong pulls up the squad’s group chat.

**Hongjoong:**

hello friends

I’m going to hang out with mars asmr this week and do a video with him

i might die so I just wanted to say i love you and

Farewell

**(minki):**

whats asmr

**Hongjoong:**

shut the hekk up

**(minki):**

Oh is that that guy you watch who whispers and looks like a vampire

**(sannieee):**

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**(yunhoho):**

Joong is such a go-getter

he sees hot boy on the internet

he doesn't rest until hot boy knows of his existence 

**(minki):**

yokes

yikes*

**Hongjoong:**

LISTEN

**(yunhoho):**

So wait how did this all come to be?

**Hongjoong:**

i tried doing some asmr with painting and tagged him in it on instagram

because he is very inspirational 

and turns out he just so happens to live nearby 

**(yunhoho):**

oh I haven’t checked IG in a minute lol 

**Hongjoong:**

you and mingi are never on IG T_T

**(minki):**

wow what a power move

**(sannieee):**

hongjoong is too powerful

**Hongjoong:**

YOURE THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THE IDEA

**(sannieee):**

hehe uwu

**(minki):**

So is the video gonna be like

u know

a sex tape

**(sannieee):**

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Hongjoong:**

OH MY GOD NO WTF

**(yunhoho):**

What is no sex on the first date a thing for you now

**Hongjoong:**

ITS NOT A DATE LMAO

LEAVE ME ALONE

why do I even tell you guys anything

i’m not

i’m not interested in that stuff… with him…

I don’t even know him yet he doesn't know me

**(yunhoho):**

sounds fake but ok

**(sannieee):**

“THAT STUFF” LOL

**Hongjoong:**

brb blocking all of your numbers

**(minki):**

weren’t you just saying how you love us

**Hongjoong:**

i have regrets

**(sannieee):**

u know I’m here for you bb if you need moral support ; 3 ;

**Hongjoong:**

thank u san for being a somewhat sane and dependable friend

**(minki):**

hey

**(yunhoho):**

Hey

**(sannieee):**

let us know how it goes asap!!!!!! <3

**(minki):**

yeah you gotta tell us how it goessss

**(yunhoho):**

Hope you have fun!!! :P

Hongjoong can't bring himself to watch a Mars ASMR video or _any_ ASMR that night. He can’t sleep, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did the delivery person knock hongjoong tf out with the bag of food? we just don’t know.
> 
> thank you so much for reading!!! 🥰
> 
> //////////
> 
> stuff in this chapter:  
> [inspo for ASMR painting](https://youtu.be/2g0A-iQWvIg)  
> [“Something Comforting” - Porter Robinson](https://youtu.be/IGrhyOtikQ0)  
> [“Plant” - Sejeong](https://youtu.be/pbAUixR61Vs)  
> [and this lmao I’m so sorry I just had to it’s all I could think about](https://youtu.be/ObWrdYQ_6xY)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	3. Chapter 3

Hongjoong manages to go about his weekly schedule without being too anxious to function. He doesn't know how he does, but he does. He uses the two days before Friday to practice being normal.

The song he’s working on with Eden is sounding more and more legitimate every time he hunkers down at KQ for his internship shifts; it just keeps evolving and Hongjoong is awestruck over the fact that he’s taking part in such an awesome project. There’s been a lot of traffic through his online shop as of recently, after a fairly popular beauty & fashion Instagrammer had ordered a custom denim jacket from him. Life is surreal and busy as always and all Hongjoong has left is to hope that Mars turns out to be an asshole IRL because that would make it a hell of a lot easier for him to stop feeling so attracted to him. It’s painful and his stash of metaphorical bandaids is running low. 

He had agreed to meet up at Mars’ place at 11:00AM. It’s around 9:30AM on Friday when Hongjoong inhales some rice, veggies, and egg, not bothering to sit down, opting to pace around the kitchen instead. He wants to make sure he has a filling breakfast so that his stomach doesn’t growl or anything while they film the video for Mars’ channel. He uses his free hand to map out directions to Mars’ place on his phone. Waking up that morning to see an Instagram message from Mars with his home address had Hongjoong feeling as if he had still been asleep and dreaming. 

He stayed up far too late last night dicking around watching low-budget dramas with Mingi and Yunho and attempting to make some thoroughly stupid TikTok videos. They had done sheet masks too, so at least their skin was glowing while they were making questionable life choices. 

Hongjoong was truthfully grateful for last night though. He’s convinced that it’s part of the reason why he’s not feeling as ridiculously anxious as he could be feeling for today’s… adventure. Being dumb with his best friends had taken his mind off of his insecurities. And Mingi and Yunho surprisingly hadn’t teased him about Mars at all for the whole night, which he had quietly appreciated.

It’s a gorgeous springtime morning, still a bit on the chilly side, but the sun is positively bursting through the windows of the apartment and Hongjoong is grateful for the boost of serotonin. Mingi and Yunho are still asleep in Mingi’s room, so he listens to music at very low volume as he brushes his teeth and brainstorms what to wear.

One might believe that it is entirely possible to own too many clothes upon seeing Hongjoong’s closet. After a little bit (a lot) of searching, he finds the comfortable-fitting pair of distressed jeans that he had in mind. He pairs them with a purple-and-yellow-striped sweater and some black high top Converse Chucks. He fills his various ear piercings with a bunch of his favorites, but decides against doing much of anything in regards to hair and makeup. His hair looks fine tousled and natural, his fringe nearly reaching his eyebrows. His skin is dewy and there’s something unfiltered about it. He decides that going bare-faced is the safe way to go; he doesn’t want to appear as though he’s trying too hard in front of the camera or anything. 

He doesn't bother grabbing a backpack or a bag to bring along with him since he doesn't have work at KQ that day. He’ll probably just come straight back home afterwards and cry. Following one final check in the mirror, Hongjoong heads out the door. 

//////////

It takes him about 20 minutes to reach Mars’ neck of the woods, in the opposite direction he takes to get to his internship, but not at all too far from Horizon Table. It makes a lot more sense now that Mars had been at the cafe, but crazy that San or Hongjoong hadn’t ever crossed paths with him before San had the other week. To think that Mars had been this close all along, frequenting restaurants and shops that Hongjoong and his friends did, too. Absolutely wild.

Hongjoong walks at a decently relaxed pace, and it’s nice seeing things so green and lush again after the steely wintertime. He passes by the fence of a primary school building, much larger and more contemporary than the one he had gone to as a kid. There’s a student trying to climb a newly-blossomed tree in the schoolyard and the ensuing voice of an exasperated teacher. Girls are chasing the boys around the grounds, all of the giggling iridescent like bubbles floating and popping in the air.

According to his directions, Hongjoong is only a few minutes away from his destination, and his heart inevitably starts pounding with a little more purpose and force. It’s always a bit nerve-racking meeting _anyone_ new, so he feels justified enough. 

Mars’ apartment complex looks modern from the outside with a rather run-of-the-mill facade, but the property is well taken care of and is definitely in a nice neighborhood. 

Hongjoong smiles timidly at a woman wearing a trouser suit and sunglasses who’s chatting unobtrusively on her cell phone as she makes her way out of the complex. He takes a deep breath in through his nose and exhales slowly. Part of him is admittedly eager to meet Mars. Another part of him doesn't feel like he’s connected to his body right now. 

Mars’ front door is within arms reach before Hongjoong knows it, and he looks down at his phone to double-check the apartment number and to look at the time. It’s 11:02AM. He had secretly hoped to arrive a couple minutes early rather than late, so that he could stand there and do some more deep breathing.

Hongjoong’s right hand moves of its own accord and he knocks on the door. _Shit, here we go_ , he thinks to himself, heart rate showing no signs of slowing down anytime soon.

He shoves his phone in one of the front pockets of his jeans, and laces his fingers together nervously as he hears the sound of the doorknob turn and click open. And there’s Mars, peeking out from the other side of the door with lips slightly parted. 

“Hey,” he says in a deep voice, following a soft noise of surprise. Mars smiles candidly and gives an informal bow. 

Hongjoong’s mouth is probably way more than slightly open as he bows, too. He bows three or four times he doesn’t know. Panic bowing. 

“Hi I’m Hongjoong, it’s really great to meet you,” he responds, his voice wavering just a little but it’s pretty much unnoticeable.

“Hongjoong.” Mars’ smile melts into his name. “Glad you found the place alright, come in.”

Hongjoong manages to smile back as he steps over the threshold and into the apartment. It’s thoroughly surreal hearing his own name come out of Mars’ mouth.

Mars closes the front door unhurriedly after Hongjoong is inside the entryway. 

“It’s great meeting you, too. I’m Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa. Hongjoong blinks. 

“Mars is the name I use online,” the blonde explains modestly, placing a hand on the back of his neck. Hongjoong blinks again and offers a warm laugh.

“Oh! Seonghwa, it’s nice to meet you. Uh, I already said that, that it’s nice to meet you….”

Hongjoong knows that cringe culture is dead but _why is he like this?_ To Hongjoong’s relief, Seonghwa's smile sweeps across his face. He presses his lips together to hide his teeth, and replies with an amused laugh. He’s wearing a loose indigo cardigan buttoned all the way up but with nothing underneath and it’s basically a crime. 

Seonghwa. It’s a very pretty name. Seonghwa goes from looking at Hongjoong to looking at the floor to looking back up again. He’s… bashful. _What the hell_ , Hongjoong thinks to himself in awe. The boy in front of him is almost reminding him of the Mars ASMR videos from back in the day, when he was first starting out with his YouTube channel. He, Seonghwa, is still the same guy, and Hongjoong is upset that this realization is as charming as it is. 

Hongjoong isn't doing the world’s most excellent job at being chill and unbothered so far; he can’t quite stop staring in this moment, it’s just, that this is Mars. Seonghwa. He looks exactly like he does in his videos, naturally, of course he does, but still. The contrast of his platinum blonde hair and the glow of his skin tone is just: chef’s kiss.

Seonghwa’s chin is right about where Hongjoong’s forehead is in height, and Hongjoong is suddenly hyperaware of it. He typically finds a lot of comfort and security in those around him who are taller than him, which is basically literally all of his friends. 

He seizes the moment to pull his eyes away from Seonghwa, taking in a sharp breath and bending down to remove his shoes.

“Thanks so much for coming over, I was hoping so badly that it wouldn’t seem weird for me to invite you,” Seonghwa says lightly. 

“No! Not at all, honestly, I’ve been so excited. And nervous…,” Hongjoong replies breathlessly, setting his shoes off to the side and standing back up to face the taller boy. 

Seonghwa’s expression is mildly surprised. “I’ve been nervous too,” he reveals readily. “I tend to be shy when meeting new people.” 

The duality of this guy. His voice is like honey but his jawline is sharper than a knife. Hongjoong is confused.

Seonghwa’s apartment is really, _really_ nice. Hongjoong gets a cozy feeling just looking around. It’s small but perfect; everything is eggshell white and pristine with a lot of shiplap wood detailing and plants everywhere. It’s like a modern hotel suite meets quaint storybook greenhouse. The entryway basically opens up to the entire place. The kitchen and living room meld into a shared open area, and there’s a mini staircase leading up to a loft landing which must serve as the bedroom. It’s a simple design but there’s tons of natural light sailing in through the many windows and it’s just so damn clean Hongjoong can’t get over it. 

“Oh my god, this is, amazing. My place looks like shit compared to this,” he says airily as he peers around, the two of them walking further into the living space. Seonghwa makes a noise of amused disbelief, halfheartedly scooting a small pile of boxes out of the way even though they are definitely not in the way at all. 

“I’m actually really sorry about the mess, my roommate has been in the process of packing up to go move in with his boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” a weary voice rings from the upstairs loft, right when Hongjoong is about to snort about the supposed “mess”.

“Hongjoong, this is Yeosang, Yeosang this is Hongjoong,” Seonghwa says, a little awkwardly yet contentedly.

Oh. _Oh._

Hongjoong gives a prompt bow to Yeosang who’s sitting at the top of the stairs, running a hand through his hair before bowing his head towards Hongjoong in return. 

“I recognize you from some of his videos,” Hongjoong utters, feeling kind of sheepish as he does. He wasn’t exactly expecting to meet Yeosang today as well, or ever, although he’s not at all surprised to find out that these two are roommates. Yeosang is kind of really fucking beautiful it’s unfair. The brown-haired boy is wearing a white hoodie with jeans and looks effortless. Who gave him the right.

Yeosang nods in acknowledgement to Hongjoong’s remark. "He has no friends so that’s where I come in,” he says with a sliver of a grin. 

“Rude!” Seonghwa whines, looking pseudo offended. 

Hongjoong gazes back up at Yeosang perched at the mouth of the loft and tries not to think too deeply about the fact that likely only one bed can fit up there.

“Stop calling Jongho my you-know-what, you know it makes him uncomfortable.”

“He’s not even here right now.”

“Irrelevant.”

“Sorry,” Seonghwa mutters, turning to Hongjoong. “Um, basically Jongho is really busy and doesn’t know if he’s ready to… commit. Do you know Jongho? AppleCore Fitness on YouTube?”

Hongjoong raises his eyebrows. “Oh, no, I don’t actually! I’ll have to check him out?”

“He does at-home workout videos for people who don’t have access to gyms and stuff but they’re like, killer workouts,” Seonghwa explains buoyantly. “And he’s really into emphasizing the mental health benefits of exercise instead of focusing on the physical appearance part.” 

Seonghwa seems very proud and fond of Jongho and it’s really quite sweet. Hongjoong promises that he will definitely check out Jongho’s channel, although someone would basically need to get Seonghwa to lead a fitness routine in order to get Hongjoong to participate in any sort of workout. 

Hongjoong has to admit that he really appreciates how easily Seonghwa, and Yeosang, have spoken about Yeosang’s relationship, as brief as it just was. Hongjoong instantly feels safe here. Mingi and Yunho were the very first friends he ever had who were really just natural and chill about… who they are, who they’re attracted to and how they show their attraction and everything. Almost as if labels aren’t necessary; they’re just themselves and unapologetic about it. And they were of course accepting of Hongjoong as well, from day one. They made it feel like perhaps there wasn’t anything wrong with them, and maybe instead there was something wrong with the people who looked down on them. And then he met San soon after and felt even more understood and secure. These notions aren’t exactly acceptable in society, even among people their age; not everyone is so comfortable with being open and unafraid. 

“You need me to be quiet while you guys film, I presume,” Yeosang speaks, more of a statement than a question.

Before Seonghwa can respond, a flourishing “Yo!” echoes from the entryway of the apartment. A boy with lilac hair and a fuzzy yellow cardigan closes the front door behind him, “Airplane, Pt. 2” by BTS playing faintly from his cell phone. He slides into the kitchen and grabs a Diet Coke from the refrigerator.

“Uh, Woo this is Hongjoong, Hongjoong this is Wooyoung, Yeosang’s childhood friend,” Seonghwa says wearily, turning to Hongjoong, “and my… very own personal bully?” 

Wooyoung flashes Hongjoong a peace sign, moving his wrist back and forth animatedly. 

“Have you ever been in any of Mars- uh, Seonghwa’s videos?” Hongjoong asks out of curiosity, not quite recognizing Wooyoung from online or anything. 

“No, Wooyoung is too loud for ASMR,” Yeosang says matter-of-factly. 

“Wooyoung is not welcome in the ASMR community,” Seonghwa adds, crossing his arms.

Wooyoung responds with a clipped, squeaky laugh. “Whatever, I’m gonna go take a 10-hour nap before I go out clubbing.”

Hongjoong wants to mention that one of his best friends, San, really likes to go out dancing on weekends too, but he’s suddenly unsure of how to do conversation like that in front of multiple new people.

“Why did you even come here,” Yeosang deadpans. 

Wooyoung takes a sip of his drink and looks down swiftly at his phone that just _pinged!_ with a notification. 

“Really wanted Diet Coke but I don’t get paid until next week,” Wooyoung answers with a wink, which is somehow just as endearing as it is cheesy.

“See you around, Hongjoong!” he shouts, departing just as quickly as he came, not bothering to say goodbye to the other two. 

“I stopped trying to understand him a long time ago,” Yeosang mumbles, a far-off look on his face. He directs his attention back to Seonghwa and Hongjoong and rises from his sitting position. “I’ll be up here drawing. You guys have fun.”

“Thanks,” Seonghwa replies, carrying out his voice at the end lightheartedly. 

Hongjoong wonders what kind of drawing Yeosang does as Seonghwa leads him over to a corner in the living room where there are some fairy lights strung out on the wall, filming equipment and microphone already set up.

He embarks on a mini ramble about how he likes to use natural lighting as often as he possibly can when filming his videos and that today is perfect in those regards and Hongjoong thinks it’s one of the most wholesome things he’s ever witnessed with his own two ears. He’s attentive as Seonghwa speaks, and he notices that the blonde has his left ear pierced. Hongjoong’s brain screams _COLLARBONES!_ at him and he tries to force himself to look back up to Seonghwa’s eyes, which are equally as distracting.

“O-Okay, cool, sounds good!” Hongjoong says in response to Seonghwa explaining that it should only take 20 or so minutes to film because he tries to keep his videos around that length. “I’m totally ready, just, tell me what you want me to do.” 

Seonghwa keeps his gaze on Hongjoong and lets out a small “Ah!”, looking mildly embarrassed that he hadn’t yet mentioned what his plan is for the video. 

“So I was thinking I could play with your hair?” 

Hongjoong chokes on literally nothing. He’s blushing, he can _feel_ himself blush. Flustered, he forces himself to keep eye contact with Seonghwa. The taller boy has his eyebrows raised and turned in, looking like one whole fucking adoptable puppy. 

“I want to make sure you’re completely comfortable with that concept though! We could definitely try something else instead,” he adds in a rush. “I promise I won’t touch you unless I have your consent.” 

Hongjoong feels his throat constricting. _You don’t need my consent to touch me_ , he wants to say hopelessly. Hongjoong is _warm_ , he suddenly regrets wearing a sweater.

“Yeah no that sounds like completely cool, yeah, let’s do it!” 

Hongjoong wants to crawl into a crate and ship himself off to a foreign land, but to his respite Seonghwa gives a glad smile and nods his head.

Seonghwa is very keen on making sure that Hongjoong is comfy in his seat, asking if he wants a glass of water or anything and making sure that he’s alright with facing the camera for this particular video.

“Uh, so yeah! All you have to do is close your eyes and relax,” Seonghwa assures, double-checking that his camera is recording before he steps behind Hongjoong’s seat. 

“Okay,” Hongjoong answers, a bit dazed; he’s fully convinced at this point that Seonghwa’s smile could bring about world peace. 

It’s quiet in the apartment, apart from the distant murmur of cars passing by outside. Hongjoong lets his eyelids fall. He feels Seonghwa’s careful fingers through his hair at the crown of his head and focuses on his breathing because it’s time to _not_ shame himself in footage that’s going to end up being seen by hundreds of thousands of viewers on YouTube.

“Hello everybody, welcome back,” Seonghwa begins whispering into the microphone set up by his side. “With me today is my new friend, Hongjoong. I met him online and this is our first time meeting in-person today. Hongjoong does ASMR of his own.” 

Okay that was a _stretch_ but okay.

“I’m really appreciative that he agreed to collaborate with me. I really like Hongjoong’s hair, it’s very _soft soft soft_.” 

Hongjoong can't help but allow a subtle smile to slip out. He could cry. He doesn't even have earbuds in but he’s still getting tingles from how soothing Seonghwa’s voice is. 

Several minutes of silence go by as Hongjoong starts to genuinely relax, and his thoughts wander back to childhood for some reason. Now that this is really happening, no longer something to anticipate, he feels comforted. Comforted that someone he looks up to has seen him in return. 

He hears Seonghwa take a deep breath. 

“Hongjoong consumes and emanates creativity. He has a unique spark, and he’s driven and hard-working. I thought this collab would be perfect and hopefully healing for Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong would bet money that his face is red right now. He will literally never show his face in public again if his cheeks end up being noticeably red during the entire finished YouTube video. Maybe he should’ve put on some foundation after all. He’s just, amazed that this is apparently Seonghwa’s perception of him just based off of Instagram. He’s very flattered. 

Seonghwa doesn’t whisper anything else as their filming continues. He makes a little braid in Hongjoong’s hair, just to unbraid it, and does this a couple more times in random spots. He brushes through Hongjoong’s hair with a hairbrush as well, and every once in a while does clicking noises into the microphone which is ridiculously more brain-melting than it seems like it would be. 

There’s the sound of birds singing outside in the background of Hongjoong’s conscious, and by the time Seonghwa is throwing in an occasional massage to his shoulders, he feels himself trying not to fall asleep. 

Distantly, he hears Seonghwa begin whispering again but doesn’t quite register the words. A moment later he’s aware of a careful tapping on his shoulder. 

“Are you still awake, Hongjoong?” Seonghwa asks in the sweetest, most syrupy, absolutely illegal tone.

“Hardly,” Hongjoong croaks, hiding an embarrassed smile in the sleepiness of his voice. 

“We’re done!” 

Hongjoong pouts. “Already?” he asks, turning around in his chair and subconsciously rubbing his eyes. That had felt damn good and he didn’t want it to stop. 

“Yes,” Seonghwa laughs warmly. “Thank you for doing this, I’m really excited to upload this.”

Hongjoong wants to say thank you too, he wants to say a lot of things but he’s suddenly speechless because Seonghwa had _played with his hair_.

He absolutely feels more physically relaxed now however; he can discern the difference. He’s feeling a lot more at ease here in Seonghwa’s presence, and when Seonghwa moves to turn off all of his equipment Hongjoong whips out his phone to take a selfie so that he can post something about this later on Instagram. He changes his expression to take another one and his heart flips when he sees Seonghwa photobombing him with a little smirk and a peace sign.

“Wait wait wait,” Hongjoong laughs, needing a moment to compose himself, “one more.”

Seonghwa yields and crouches down, placing one arm on the back of Hongjoong’s chair to steady himself. Hongjoong angles his phone so that they’re both in frame and puckers his lips out of habit. Seonghwa smiles and winks with his left eye. It’s a nice picture.

_Cute_. Hongjoong wants to say it out loud but he holds himself back. 

“I’m not sure, if you have anywhere to be, but could I make you lunch?” Seonghwa asks out of the blue, standing back up and straightening out his jeans. 

Hongjoong tilts his chin up, eyes widening a bit as he wonders if he had heard Seonghwa correctly. 

“Oh wow, uh, sure, that would be awesome,” Hongjoong nods eagerly, standing up to stretch his arms above his head. “I will fight anyone who says you’re not the nicest person to ever exist.” 

Seonghwa gives a humble laugh in response. “I’m hungry and I thought you might be too.”

Hongjoong sits on a stool at the little kitchen bar table, granting him a full view of Seonghwa cooking in front of the stove. He’s chopping up a variety of ingredients as Yeosang makes his way downstairs. 

“Gonna go meet up with Jongho, I’ll be back soon.” He pauses right before the apartment’s entryway. “Why aren’t you wearing your apron?” he asks Seonghwa, an evil smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. 

“Bye Yeosang,” Seonghwa asserts, taking a moment to glare before resuming his meticulous chopping. Yeosang leaves, looking pleased with himself.

“You have… an apron? Like, an apron you wear while you cook?” Hongjoong questions with a grin.

“No, an apron I wear while I watch Netflix,” Seonghwa answers sarcastically. Hongjoong’s heart does a backflip. 

“Can I see it?”

“No.”

“Does it have ruffles?”

“…No.”

“If you wear it for me I owe you a favor, anything you want,” Hongjoong reasons, cupping his face in his hands. 

“Fine,” Seonghwa gives in after a few beats of silence. “I’ll wear it for you next time you come over,” he says gingerly, hushed. He keeps his eyes on the stovetop.

_Oh god_. Hongjoong bites his bottom lip. He feels the wretched heat rise to his face for the umpteenth time that day. 

Maybe this amazingly considerate, handsome, talented, giving individual _doesn't_ have a lot of friends? Maybe Yeosang wasn’t kidding earlier? Does Seonghwa really want Hongjoong to come over again sometime?

“Okay,” Hongjoong agrees softly, keeping his eyes down too, on Seonghwa’s hands. He can feel Seonghwa take a hesitant peek up at him, and back down again to put the finishing touches on two delicious-looking bowls of bibimbap. 

“Holy shit, thanks for this,” Hongjoong blurts out, swinging his legs back and forth, suddenly hungrier than he thought he was. 

“It’s really the least I can do as a thank you for doing a video with me,” Seonghwa says as he comes around to sit on the stool next to Hongjoong. 

The shorter boy shakes his head. “It’s my pleasure, I feel spoiled.”

“Good, I’m glad.”

“You’re like, better than my mom,” Hongjoong says as he takes an enthusiastic bite of food. 

“I don’t know who should be more offended right now, me or your mom,” Seonghwa says, looking entertained with one eyebrow lifted. 

Hongjoong crinkles his nose and sticks his tongue out at Seonghwa. Seonghwa attempts, and fails, to hold back a smile.

Hongjoong compliments him on his cooking skills probably too many times and Seonghwa ends up explaining a little bit about his uploading schedule. Hongjoong listens freely and simultaneously wonders, truly, what on earth he could ever do to say thank you to Seonghwa for his hospitality. 

Seonghwa asks him about his reforming, referencing the clothing he had seen on Hongjoong’s Instagram, and Hongjoong talks a bit about his online shop. Their conversation feels nice and Hongjoong knows that he had been ridiculous to have felt so nervous. 

Yeosang soon returns, and Hongjoong gets to meet Jongho who’s a good-natured guy with a baby face and a strong handshake. 

“We were thinking about going out for some ice cream, you guys wanna come?” Yeosang asks, cueing a gentle look from Seonghwa to Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong is stuffed from Seonghwa’s A+ bibimbap but he’s not about to say no to ice cream and new friends. 

//////////

He makes his way back home in the midafternoon feeling really… happy. There are plenty of things to be happy about day in and day out but he’s feeling happy in a way that he hasn’t felt in a while.

Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yeosang, and Jongho had walked a few blocks away from Seonghwa and Yeosang’s apartment to a small ice cream place that specializes in unusual flavors, and they had an amusing time trying bites of each others’ selections. Hongjoong found out that Yeosang is also an intern, at a publishing company, and that he wants to be an illustrator for children’s books. Yeosang has a savage sense of humor and Hongjoong is at peace discovering that he is actually a super likable guy. He found out that Jongho had gotten into fitness after recovering from an injury; apparently fitness is his way of being grateful for what his body is capable of and Hongjoong thinks that that’s pretty damn incredible.

He found out that Seonghwa was born in the same year as him. He’s a specialist in K-pop girl group choreography and he loves strawberries. 

Before he arrives back to his apartment he makes sure to text San, who had left more than a few fanatical texts while Hongjoong was gone. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

his real name is seonghwa and he smells like roses and vanilla and i’m doomed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi can I pls just say, that atiny are the sweetest ever??? 🥺 you guys have made me feel so welcome here thank you so so so so much for your thoughtful comments and kudos and literally for taking time out of your life to read this very self-indulgent fic lol!! for real I’ve been feeling so grateful 😭😭🥰
> 
> and please look forward to the next chapter sometime this upcoming weekend! 4 came together rlly quickly and I’m almost done with 5 so I was thinkin I might as well post again a little sooner!!! 💖
> 
> //////////
> 
> stuff in this chapter:  
> [inspo for hair playing ASMR](https://youtu.be/-DnPh68VGyQ)  
> [“Airplane, Pt. 2” - BTS](https://youtu.be/CxnJf0tWu48)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	4. Chapter 4

The droning sound of the printer has Hongjoong just about ready to fall asleep during a particularly severe afternoon slump at KQ Produce. It’s been two days since he collaborated with Seonghwa and met Yeosang and Jongho. He’s been a bit preoccupied during his shift, to say the least. There’s a meeting that’s being held in an hour and he’s been placed in charge of gathering the needed paper materials. The meeting involves a rookie idol group and Hongjoong is allowed to sit in for it, which he is looking forward to.

In the meantime, he fulfills his preparatory duties while trying to wrap his head around the fact that the other day had happened. 

Not too long after Hongjoong had returned home from Seonghwa’s, he turned to Instagram to post some of the pictures he took during the day. He had been very tempted to post the selfie of him and Seonghwa on its own, but realized that he had no clue how he would even caption it. 

So he ended up selecting the solo selfie of himself in Seonghwa’s living room, the selfie of the two of them, and a photo he snapped of Seonghwa, Yeosang, and Jongho with their ice creams, and grouped them all together into one post. He captioned it ( _welcome spring_ ☀️) and low-key sulked for the rest of the night because Seonghwa never ended up liking it, commenting on it, or showing any signs of having seen it. 

Which is totally okay, honestly, Hongjoong tells himself, because Seonghwa was probably busy editing the video or cleaning his beautiful apartment or making meals to serve to the less fortunate or something far more important.

Yeosang had been the first to see the post and to like it, followed by Jongho. Hongjoong had kept his promise to check out AppleCore Fitness on YouTube and he was really impressed with Jongho’s athleticism. Kid’s got spunk. 

After the meeting wraps up, the rest of the day slips through Hongjoong’s fingers. He takes a walk around the park, listening to some of his recent recordings and taking down notes. Feeling rather content after a shower and a late dinner, he flops down on his bed, rolling onto his back and reaching for his phone. He needs to spend some time replying to emails but he’s feeling super unmotivated. The sound of Mingi snoring lightly on the couch in the living room is familiar and homey. 

He gravitates towards Instagram, thinking that he’ll procrastinate by mindlessly watching people’s story posts, only to find a handful of notifications from an account named phwa1117. They followed both Hongjoong’s personal and business accounts, and liked his mini photo dump from the other day. There’s a DM from them too, sent around 2 hours ago.

  
  


**[phwa1117]:**

Hey it’s Seonghwa thought I’d give you my phone number since it’s easier sometimes to text instead of Instagram messaging ^_^ 

XXX-XXXX-XXXX

  
  


Hongjoong feels like maybe there’s an angel looking out for him or something. He feels _giddy_ it’s disgusting. He clicks on what seems to be Seonghwa’s personal account. The account is set to private, and the profile picture is a little hard to discern, but it looks like a full-body shot of his silhouette, somewhere outside with a lot of leafless trees. His bio simply reads:

  
  


_‘98_

☄️🎙🎈🍓

  
  


Hongjoong sends a request to follow the account, and jumps back into the DM so that he can input Seonghwa’s phone number into his phone. He settles for simply naming the new contact _seonghwa_ , refraining from a nickname for the time being. As much as he had hoped to, he absolutely was not expecting to hear from Seonghwa again so soon. He suddenly feels fearless. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

hi seonghwa it’s hongjoong ; w ;

thanks for your number and again for the relaxing day it actually meant a lot

  
  


Hongjoong pressures himself into being a somewhat responsible adult and begins replying to a few emails, that is, until his phone buzzes with a text notification. 

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

Hey! It’s np. You seem like you’ve got a lot going on!

I still can’t believe you’re an intern at a record label 

**Hongjoong:**

honestly I can’t believe it sometimes either lol it’s a great opportunity :’)

**(seonghwa):**

I’d be so curious to hear your music someday ^_^

**Hongjoong:**

>///< maybe someday!! 

so i never asked do you do anything else besides YT? 

**(seonghwa):**

Oh yeah I do actually 

I work part-time as a nanny 

  
  


Hongjoong reads the text as it comes in, pacing back and forth in the small perimeter of the bathroom as he brushes his teeth. He lets his toothbrush hang in his mouth, squinting down at his phone.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

IS THAT TYPO OR DID YOU JUST SAY NANNY

**(seonghwa):**

She’s the kid of some family friends

Her father is a CEO so they’re busy a lot 

**Hongjoong:**

wow!!! cute!!!!

**(seonghwa):**

Her name is Treasure ^_^

She wants to be a Zoologist when she grows up 

She belongs in a zoo that’s for sure she’s so crazy lol

But I love her

**Hongjoong:**

that’s precious af 

treasure is a unique name 

**(seonghwa):**

Her favorite movie is Peter Pan I swear we’ve watched it a hundred times 

And her pout is almost as cute as yours XD

  
  


Hongjoong actually drops his phone on the floor and scrambles to pick it back up. He definitely needs a new heart, and maybe a brain too, because the ones he’s got are malfunctioning.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

when did i pout!!!

**(seonghwa):**

At my place, when I stopped playing with your hair 

**Hongjoong:**

it felt good????? 

listen I haven’t had anyone touch my hair since uh 

last time I was in a relationship?? 

i forgot how nice it feels 

**(seonghwa):**

You make it sound like it’s been a while?

**Hongjoong:**

it was a college thing so not that long ago or anything 

he cheated on me so it’s super whatever

  
  


He doesn't hear back from Seonghwa for 20 whole minutes and he’s quickly starting to hate himself for turning the conversation in that direction, as unintentional as it had been.

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

That’s awful

I’m sorry you were mistreated like that 

That doesn't sound easy to heal from. You didn’t deserve that

Fuck him whoever he is 

  
  


Damn, Seonghwa is a kind soul. Texting with him now is only confirming for Hongjoong that he really did have a great time the other day and that he had enjoyed hanging out with Seonghwa. And that honestly, he’d like for the chance to see him again. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

thank you it’s rlly ok tho i should’ve known better 

safe to say whoever’s dating you is the luckiest person ever 

they get quality head pats and home cooked meals whenever they want lol

  
  


It’s so corny Hongjoong wants to banish himself from the planet. Even though he now knows that Seonghwa and Yeosang aren’t a thing, he’s still curious as to if there is anyone blessed enough to call Seonghwa their own. Just curious. For scientific reasons. 

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

Lol as you can probably tell I have too many spare head pats and meals and no one to give them to 

  
  


_Oh. Well then._ Now that he’s got his answer, Hongjoong doesn’t actually know how to intelligibly respond so he very, very awkwardly changes the subject back around. He’s the worst. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

so you rlly like kids don’t you 

or you’re just good with them?? some people are good with them

but don’t necessarily like them u know what I mean lmao

**(seonghwa):**

Yeah 😂

For me it’s both I guess 

**Hongjoong:**

that’s fucking cute 

you rlly are a mom :P

**(seonghwa):**

I’m going to ignore that you said that...

I never even asked you, what got you into ASMR?

**Hongjoong:**

oh! lol I have trouble sleeping! I think I saw someone mention it in a video 

but kinda in a satirical way? I looked it up because I felt uneducated lol

I thought it was kinda fucking weird at first but ended up getting addicted!!

**(seonghwa):**

Lol I honestly thought it was strange at first too

What are your favorite ASMR triggers? ^_^

Other than me playing with your hair lol 

  
  


Damn, Seonghwa really just called him out like that. Hongjoong is grinning ear to ear.

**Hongjoong:**

gonna ignore that u said that ✌️

umm I like slow hand movements? 

and microphone tapping or scratching idk i’m boring 

**(seonghwa):**

Not boring! I like microphone brushing ^_^

**Hongjoong:**

that’s some good shit

  
  


It’s going on 30 minutes later and Hongjoong is coming around to accepting that the conversation has seemingly come to a close, although he truly doesn't want it to quite yet. Why do people do drugs he’s high off of just texting. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

what are u doin rn

**(seonghwa):**

Nothing just lying down

What are you doing?

  
  


_Perishing_.

He wants to say that he’s lying down too but that seems dangerous. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

nothing rlly just planning out next week

i subscribed to jongho btw!

Idea: we try one of jongho’s workouts and film ourselves doing it 

and it’ll be the very first content on your brand new patreon page!! 👏

**(seonghwa):**

That’s going to be a hell no from me 

Bad idea, throw the whole thing away 

**Hongjoong:**

LOL!!! but no we should actually try one it would probably make jongho so happy

**(seonghwa):**

That’s actually, really sweet 

But the most exercise I do is vacuuming 

And dancing

  
  


Hongjoong wants to mention that it must be a pretty effective workout routine because he has a damn nice body but he absolutely does _not_ say any such thing.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

literally all of my friends are dancers what is up with that 

I mean I like to dance too but jeez

what is in the water around here 

**(seonghwa):**

😂

Speaking of filming would you like to do another video together sometime soon?

Not an exercise video

An ASMR video

  
  


Hongjoong is thrilled. He throws the hood of his sweatshirt over his head and pulls the strings tight, his nose and smile sticking out.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

hekk yeah I’m down :D 

thank you for inviting me again

**(seonghwa):**

You really have no need to thank me

I’m the one who should be thanking you 

I honestly should pay you a portion of what I earn from the video

**Hongjoong:**

omg no don’t even start

that’s 100% your money you deserve every bit of it

I had fun and I’d love to do it again

**(seonghwa):**

The salon/spa type videos really seem to be popular so I’d like to keep doing them from time to time 

**Hongjoong:**

oooh so what will we be doing for the next video? :O

**(seonghwa):**

It’s a surprise

**Hongjoong:**

is it rlly tho or do you just not know yet

**(seonghwa):**

………

It’s late, go to bed

  
  


Hongjoong peeks at the time displayed in the upper corner of his phone. How on earth had it become midnight. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

no :3

**(seonghwa):**

Watch our ASMR video lol

**Hongjoong:**

OMG NO I’m not about to watch myself 

but I did see that you uploaded it!

**(seonghwa):**

You haven’t watched it?!

**Hongjoong:**

i will click on it to contribute to the views because I’m a wonderful and supportive friend

but I’m not going to sit there and look at myself lmao

**(seonghwa):**

It’s really relaxing ^_^

**Hongjoong:**

i know it is i was there TnT 

  
  


Five or so minutes later Hongjoong’s phone starts ringing. The sound startles him a bit, just because it’s so quiet in the apartment, and he wonders why someone from work would be calling at this hour, but then he sees that it’s Seonghwa who’s calling. 

Seonghwa’s calling him, he’s about to hear Seonghwa’s voice over the phone. His heart suddenly feels very large inside his chest. He scoots himself further down into bed and answers the call after a sad attempt at a deep breath. 

“Hello?”

There’s a faint, almost inaudible laugh on the other side, static noise, and the rustling of… fabric? Bed sheets? Hongjoong feels sweaty. 

“Goodnight Hongjoong,” Seonghwa croons.

“Oh my god did you call literally just to say goodnight,” Hongjoong says, wanting to sound sassy, but in fact sounding rather soft. 

“I feel like we’ll just keep texting if we don’t officially say goodnight, so goodnight,” Seonghwa quips. 

Hongjoong rolls his eyes and awkwardly puts a hand over his mouth to hide his lame ass smile. 

“And just let me know when’s a good day for you for filming,” Seonghwa adds.

“Okay, yeah, will do.”

There’s a moment of quietude and it’s almost too long for comfort. Hongjoong squirms a bit in bed and feels his cheeks warm. 

“Oh, could you maybe send me the pictures from the other day?” Seonghwa murmurs, sounding sleepy. 

“Oh, for sure, yeah. Like, the one of you guys,” Hongjoong says. “And the one of us.”

“Yeah.”

“Mhm, I will send them.”

“Okay, goodnight. Please get some sleep Hongjoong.”

“I’ll try.” He’s hyperaware of how _sweet_ and misty his voice had just sounded and he wants to erase it and try again. He wants a do-over. 

“Goodnight.”

“G’night.” 

Hongjoong releases a rattled breath, texts the pictures to Seonghwa without thinking too much, and opens the YouTube app on his phone. 

He had seen when Seonghwa had uploaded their collab, earlier that day during his lunch break. It’s strange to think that this will be the very first time that he doesn't watch a new Mars ASMR video. It’s almost as if he’s afraid to watch it because it would make that day feel too real. That, and he wasn’t lying when he said that it would be humiliating to just sit there and watch 20 minutes of himself with his eyes closed. 

The video is titled _[ASMR] Relaxing Hair Play / Brushing_ and Hongjoong is amazed, yet not at all surprised, to see that it already has 74K views. Seonghwa is really such a humble person; he clearly doesn’t let the numbers go to his head. 

Even seeing himself in the thumbnail of the video is embarrassing for Hongjoong, but he clicks on it anyway to at least let it play. He flicks down right away to check out the description, and goes down a bit further on the page because the comments might be amusing to read. 

His eyes widen a bit in shock, the top comment simply reads:

_hongjoong is pretty_

It has 406 thumbs up and… next to it is a tiny image of the Mars ASMR channel icon plus a red heart, signifying that the creator of the channel had liked the comment. Seonghwa had liked the comment. 

Hongjoong sits up in bed and brings his knees in tight to his body, hunching over to take a closer look at the screen of his phone as if it’ll help him better comprehend what he's seeing. Just when he was calmly trying to accept the fact that Seonghwa is indeed far more than just an attractive guy on the internet, now this? Is this _real life though?_ He wants to fling himself into the sun.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

sani

**(sannieee):**

hi bb what’s goin on qwq

**Hongjoong:**

have you watched it

the video

**(sannieee):**

wat video

JK noooo I haven’t yet I’ve done a whole lot of nothing today

**Hongjoong:**

go to it and look at the top comment you have to do it now

**(sannieee):**

what is future mrs. mars asmr trying to fight u because you’re a threat now

**Hongjoong:**

stfu and read it I’m having a crisis 

**(sannieee):**

ok damn!!

  
  


Hongjoong continues to cradle his knees, teetering and dropping to lie down on his side, his phone vibrating not even a minute later.

  
  


**(sannieee):**

OK???????? 

OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

OH MY GOD JOONG 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

**Hongjoong:**

WHAT DOES IT MEAN 

**(sannieee):**

LMAO IT MEANS EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS

he thinks ur cute!!!!!!!!!!

he thinks you PRETTY 

**Hongjoong:**

but am i tho?

**(sannieee):**

kim hongjoongie what happened to your confidence

**Hongjoong:**

what is a confidence where do i get one

**(sannieee):**

literally that comment has 406 thumbs up

406 people + seonghwa thinks you’re pretty 

\+ me and mingi and yunho ; 3 ; 

**Hongjoong:**

i think im losing my mind

**(sannieee):**

u really like him don't you

you are not usually this.. careful 

👀

**Hongjoong:**

idk he’s just

different

now that I actually met him i can say that he just rlly is different

**(sannieee):**

different from the usual dickheads

shit hongie you’re actually falling for him aren’t u

**Hongjoong:**

what if he’s 

you know

heterosexual 

**(sannieee):**

LOLOLOL

ok good chat I now need my beauty sleep

**Hongjoong:**

no seriously I hadn’t even thought about that until now!!!

now i’m worried 

**Hongjoong:**

choi san ; _ ; 

**Hongjoong:**

sannnnnnnnNNNn

**Hongjoong:**

never gonna forgive u for abandoning me during my time of need

  
  


Hongjoong looks at the flattering yet bewildering YouTube comment one last time before he buries himself in his covers and hopes for sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello I feel like this chapter is kinda like a filler episode lol but hope you still enjoyed it!!! 💖💖💖 thank you SO MUCH for reading!!! ❤️
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	5. Chapter 5

The drenched and dreary city outside isn’t mirroring Hongjoong’s mood today whatsoever. There’s a bounce in his step as he walks along the dim sidewalks, making his way over to Seonghwa’s place. 

It’s a drizzly morning, Hongjoong utilizing his backpack as a makeshift umbrella, however it’s unmistakably warmer than it has been, and quite humid; a partial preview of summer that’s yet to come. Seonghwa had told him to bring along some of his skincare products, so he has a toner, two moisturizers, and an eye cream packed with him. Hongjoong had initially been anxious because he wasn’t sure if he actually would have time to go over to Seonghwa’s this week, but he’s lucky that it’s not impossible to work things around his internship, and that there’s a decent amount of flexibility that comes with owning a small online business. What he also has a decent amount of is damn butterflies fluttering about in his stomach. He’s still feeling nauseatingly delighted that Seonghwa had invited him over again. 

Hongjoong is wearing a lightweight button-up shirt with a vintage-y pattern on the front. It has sheer, flowy white sleeves, and it pairs well with some fitted black jeans. He presses forward in his black reformed combat boots, thinking about how it’ll be a nice touch to Seonghwa’s video if the rain happens to pick up a bit.

He remembers a particular Mars ASMR video where Seonghwa had managed to capture the sound of the rain outside in the background. It was a cozy, nighttime tapping video and it had been ridiculously relaxing; Hongjoong recalls watching it lying down in bed and dropping his phone on his face as he nodded off. 

He makes it to Seonghwa’s apartment complex successfully, wondering with vague concern if he had breathed at all during the entire journey over. It feels unreal, finding himself at Seonghwa’s doorstep for the second time, watching his own arm stretch forward to knock at the barrier before him. 

The doorknob clicks after just a few moments and Seonghwa does the same thing as last time, innocently peeking around the other side of the door as he opens it, as if he’s pleasantly surprised to have an unexpected guest or something. 

He’s wearing an oversized black-and-white-striped shirt with long sleeves. He looks comfy. Hongjoong had observed a while ago that Seonghwa tends to wear tops that have low necklines, and after all this time seeing it in videos you’d think it would’ve prepared Hongjoong for seeing it in real life but no, not at all. Not one bit. 

“Hi,” Seonghwa says, one corner of his mouth quirking up into an off-center grin.

Hongjoong returns the smile, tilting his head to the side. “Hi,” he echoes, feeling pretty brave and stepping inside without much hesitation. 

As they head into the living room Hongjoong asks Seonghwa how Yeosang’s move is going. He also asks if viewers seemed to like their video from the other week, even though Hongjoong had seen with his own eyes that it was indeed well-received. Apparently Yeosang has been gone a lot lately and had run into some trouble with securing the apartment that he and Jongho had their sights set on. And Seonghwa seems happy to report that their video together had had a good reception.

Seonghwa looks striking, his hair styled like some sort of world-renowned art sculpture as per usual, and today he’s wearing a little bit of eyeshadow. His dark roots are starting to show in his blonde hair and it’s honestly a really good look. Hongjoong has to remind himself to exhale for a split second because really, Seonghwa is such an attractive individual. Hongjoong feels a minor stream of self-consciousness all of a sudden, showing up to Seonghwa’s place bare-faced yet again, but he shakes it off briskly. 

Much like Hongjoong expected, Seonghwa is eager to capture some realistic rain sounds in the background of today’s filming; he has one mic set up near a window that’s slightly cracked open. He has his studio lights set up to counter the overcast day, and the same chair with the little pink cushion ready for Hongjoong to sit on. 

“I didn’t want to risk your skin becoming irritated by using products that I have,” Seonghwa explains as he checks out the skincare items that Hongjoong brought with him. He goes on by asking Hongjoong if he’s completely comfortable with his face being touched, and describes the concept that he has in mind. 

“Thank you for trusting me,” Seonghwa says as he fiddles with a setting on his camera. Hongjoong doesn’t know how to respond to Seonghwa’s sincerity so he just snorts. He wonders if there’s some sort of class he could take for how to look cool in front of charming, ethereal boys. 

After Seonghwa returns from the kitchen having washed his hands, he takes his spot behind Hongjoong’s chair and they start things up.

“Hello everybody, welcome back. Back with us today is my friend Hongjoong,” Seonghwa whispers into the microphone, sounding serene. He pokes Hongjoong’s cheeks with his pointer fingers. 

There’s a beat of silence before Seonghwa starts whisper-laughing through his nose. 

Hongjoong’s eyes fly open, and he bends his head up and back to see Seonghwa uncomposed. “Are you laughing at me?” he asks in pseudo shock.

“No just give me a minute.” Seonghwa’s laughs are sweet-tempered and floaty. Hongjoong is admittedly captivated, and he openly stares as he tries not to let the magic of Seonghwa’s laughter affect him.

“You look so ready,” Seonghwa comments after he regains his cool, staring right back at Hongjoong whose face is upside down from where he stands. 

“Listen, I’ve been looking forward to this free spa session,” Hongjoong proclaims.

“Ah, I see how it is.” Seonghwa gives Hongjoong’s right cheek another poke. 

He battles the all-too-familiar blush that inches up his face. “I’m surprised you just lost it, you always seem so zen.”

“Oh my god no, I could make a blooper video with all of the footage I have.”

“Exclusive Patreon content perhaps?” Hongjoong jokes.

Seonghwa swats at his shoulder playfully. “Stop it.” 

They try starting the video again, but it’s Hongjoong’s turn to laugh a bright laugh, feeling a little dazed and unable to contain it. 

“Hongjoong why,” Seonghwa pleads, using a very cute tone of voice. Hongjoong would fight a person to hear him say his name like that again. 

“I wanna be in your blooper reel,” he replies, leaning forward in his seat and sticking his tongue out at the camera.

“Wait, can I tie your hair up?” Seonghwa asks, after they’re both somewhat sure that they’ve gotten all of their restless energy out.

With Hongjoong’s approval, Seonghwa takes a hair tie and gathers his fringe so that it’s out of the way of his forehead, sticking up into a perky little ponytail at the top of his head. Seonghwa cracks one last laugh upon seeing Hongjoong’s reflection in the LCD screen of the camera.

It’s a miracle they’re finally able to start smoothly; Hongjoong has a bubbly feeling in his chest and he fears he’ll fuck things up by busting a lung right in the middle of the recording, even though Seonghwa could probably edit it pretty convincingly. But soon enough Hongjoong feels his body relax, the sound of the rain in the silence washing him away from the here and now. 

Seonghwa begins by massaging Hongjoong’s temples, running his fingers through some stray hairs trying to stick to his face. He applies Hongjoong’s skincare products mindfully, and it honestly feels quite strange at first, having Seonghwa, let alone anyone, touch his face. He’s never had a facial before, or even an ordinary massage, so the sensation is unusual. But it all feels amazing; Hongjoong wants to shed a tear for what he’s been missing out on. Seonghwa taps on the containers here and there for the microphone, tracing out the words on the product containers with his pointer finger while whispering out the ingredients. Hongjoong thinks about how wild this actually is and how most people would never agree to going over to a stranger’s house and letting them casually touch their face, or play with their hair. Maybe he’s a bit too trusting, but the thing is is that Seonghwa had never felt like a stranger to begin with.

A short 20-or-so minutes later, Seonghwa speaks his parting words for the end of the video and happily announces to Hongjoong that they’re done. Hongjoong takes in a deep breath and shakes his head out of his reverie, hearing Seonghwa tell him that he can go sit on the couch if he wants. He waddles over and plops down on one end without really thinking. He’s feeling so relaxed, he wonders if it would be chill to just lie down and curl up on Seonghwa and Yeosang’s couch.

After Seonghwa finishes turning off his filming equipment, he takes a throw blanket that’s draped on the back of the couch and wraps it around a very wide-eyed Hongjoong. 

“Stay there, for just a few minutes,” Seonghwa says as he backs away towards the kitchen. “Don’t turn around or peek.” 

Hongjoong fails to respond, obeying Seonghwa by turning away and placing his attention on the soft blanket that’s suddenly covering his shoulders. He considers the possibility that maybe he fell asleep during the filming and is currently caught in a dream. 

_Okay, remain fucking calm, Hongjoong,_ he reasons with himself, bringing his legs up and on to the couch, hugging his knees. So much for feeling relaxed. 

Seonghwa eventually makes his way back over to the couch, two mugs of hot chocolate in hand, offering one to the small boy in the blanket.

“What the fuck...,” Hongjoong says ungracefully as he takes the mug in his hands, his voice paper-thin with awe.

“I hope you like it, or I could make some tea too, instead.”

Hongjoong shakes his head, face flushing crimson as Seonghwa sits down on the opposite side of the couch, leaving a whole cushion between them.

“Thank you,” he mumbles after a couple of minutes, unable to look at Seonghwa, and after no verbal response from him, those minutes stretch on in silence.

It ends up being a surprisingly comfortable silence, despite Hongjoong’s heart doing Olympics-worthy acrobatics in his chest. His emotions are doing the thing where they all like to bombard him at once, the rushing of the rain outside leading him into a stupor.

“I’m lonely.”

Hongjoong’s eyes are distant, just staring out at one of the droplet-spattered windows, but his voice is raw and very present in the quiet of their shared space. He doesn’t express it in a grumbling way; just as a matter of fact.

Seonghwa looks at him, holding his mug of hot chocolate close to his body, mouth slightly parted.

“So- so this is really nice,” Hongjoong adds, meeting eyes with Seonghwa, not exactly sure what had possessed him to share something so random and personal. 

“I’m surprised,” Seonghwa says slowly. “And I’m sorry. I know how it feels. I’m… lonely a lot, too.”

Hongjoong raises his eyebrows.

“You literally have hundreds of thousands of people who like you though?” He offers, not to invalidate him at all, just wanting to better understand Seonghwa’s perspective.

Seonghwa rolls his eyes partially, showing a faint smile.

“It’s not like I’m not beyond grateful for the people who watch my videos. YouTube, my family, my friends, even Wooyoungie,” he gives a short laugh, “mean so much to me, but I still feel like ultimately I’m on my own.”

Hongjoong nods thoughtfully. 

“I can understand where you’re coming from. I’m like, _so_ privileged? I have absolutely nothing to want for and yet… I still feel like something’s missing.”

Seonghwa nods his head this time, empathetically; seeming to relate. They both take sips from their mugs.

“Maybe it’s because I feel a disconnect with myself?” Seonghwa says after another minute. “Maybe if I got to know myself better or understand myself better it wouldn’t feel so lonely.”

Hongjoong finds these words very unexpected, and compelling. From his viewpoint, Seonghwa seems like he’s very sure with himself, like he has found his own style, and where he fits in the world. Seonghwa feels warm and confident and like someone who will always offer a shoulder to lean on for those who are less assured of themselves. 

Hongjoong hums in appreciation. 

“Maybe we’re wired to feel lonely so that we always continue to seek out new people in life. So that there’s an ongoing cycle of learning and growing with others.”

“Yeah,” Seonghwa says after a moment, looking intrigued, a wistful but sweet smile blooming on his face. 

Hongjoong places his empty mug on the coffee table and wraps the blanket tighter around himself. It smells like Seonghwa a little bit. He wonders if there’s any way that he could gesture for Seonghwa to scoot over this way and share the blanket with him without seeming like… too much.

“I need a few things at the convenience store, wanna come?” Seonghwa asks, placing his empty mug down next to Hongjoong’s. 

//////////

The rain seems to stop right in time as they step outside and make their way over to the nearest convenience store. Hongjoong low-key rambles nervously about everyone he works with at KQ, expressing how unnerved he was by everybody’s expertise when he first embarked on his internship. Seonghwa listens intently and asks a lot of questions. 

The wind catches in their sleeves and they walk through a park where two kids are giggling breathlessly and taking turns going down the slide. This feels very different from the other week when they had gone out for ice cream with Yeosang and Jongho; the billowing clouds make it feel like a completely alternate world.

The convenience store is directly across the street from the park and the two of them stroll in, the door chiming as they do. Seonghwa chirps about how bored he is with the usual dinners he makes as he grabs a basket and heads down the snack aisle. 

Hongjoong takes little video clips of Seonghwa commenting on some of the bizarre and potentially dangerous chip flavors and shares them on his Instagram story. He teases Seonghwa, daring him to film an ASMR mukbang, and further suggests that he do a roleplaying ASMR where he pretends to be a mom helping the viewer get ready for school. This earns him a shy swat on the arm that almost sends him flying into the refrigerated beverages because apparently gravity isn’t a thing and his feet aren’t connected to the planet when he’s with Seonghwa. 

When they turn the corner to head down a different aisle Hongjoong accidentally knocks over a small stack of cup noodles and they both sputter in laughter, trying to keep hushed as if it’s an unspeakable crime they’ve committed. Seonghwa fixes the stack as Hongjoong repeats “I’m sorry I’m sorry!” to no one in particular. 

Hongjoong shares another video clip of Seonghwa getting excited over a strawberry roll cake, and it’s not a minute later that he sees a text notification from San.

  
  


**(sannieee):**

what is this tooth rotting fluff on ur insta story rn i’m 

  
  


He shoves his phone in his pocket and grabs himself a bottle of a sparkling peach drink.

Both Hongjoong and Seonghwa are too absorbed in thanking the clerk and making sure that they have their bags, that they fail to realize that there’s quite literally a downpour happening outside. 

They step out into it, immediately drenched, exchanging looks of shock; there had even been patches of blue sky on their way there. 

“Should we go back inside and wait it out?” Seonghwa asks, trying to speak above how loud the rainfall is. 

Hongjoong sees the crosswalk light turn green.

“Let’s run over to the park!” he suggests, thinking that there might be a big tree or something to hide under. 

They dash across the street with one accord, raindrops pelting them, the prickle and the surprise in general sending Hongjoong into fits of laughter.

They gravitate towards the deserted playground; the two kids they had seen on their way over are no longer there. The both of them crouch down and take cover under the main structure that holds a little fort area and the entrance to the slide.

“Okay so that was a mistake,” Hongjoong says, trying to catch his breath. 

Or maybe it wasn’t. He turns to his right to look at Seonghwa, who’s thoroughly soaked. He’s running his fingers through his wet hair, combing it out of the way of his face, panting from the impulsive sprint. 

_Holy fuck._

Seonghwa’s eyeshadow is smudged and his lips have been kissed by the rainstorm and his eyes are dark and glossy like ink. They’re very close, maybe just the size of another head between them, Hongjoong’s right knee touching Seonghwa’s left one. He’s startled by the closeness and nearly loses his balance, but Seonghwa plucks his arm and helps him regain his position. 

Hongjoong is vaguely aware that their boots and bags of food are now spattered with mud. They take in the sight of each other, and they laugh softly.

“Must be nice to be pocket-sized,” Seonghwa says as he adjusts himself underneath the structure.

Hongjoong’s mouth opens with a slight pop. “How dare.” 

“What? You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t easily fit in my pocket.”

Hongjoong shoves at Seonghwa’s arm and almost loses his balance again. 

Seonghwa’s smile grows. “I’m just teasing you, you know that right?”

“Yeah,” Hongjoong answers, still out of breath, as if he had tried to sing and dance at the same time or something. 

“Okay, just want to make sure,” Seonghwa says, his voice suddenly heartfelt. “You’re perfect as you are.”

“That was cheesy as fuck but I’ll accept it.”

Wet strands of hair stick to Hongjoong’s flushed cheeks as he looks at Seonghwa. He feels as if maybe he had stood too long in a steamy shower, or like he’s bathing in a hot springs; he’s lightheaded and pretty sure that his eyes keep flicking down to Seonghwa’s lips. Definitely looking at Seonghwa’s lips.

They both look away from each other at the same time.

The rain carries on, no longer pouring but still steady. The precipitation married with the sound of tires on glassy pavement is spellbinding. 

Hongjoong steals a glance at Seonghwa, admiring the profile of his face. He’s wearing a silver stud of an earring in his left earlobe. He has a beating heart and weaknesses and strengths and a whole story. Seonghwa is seeming so much less intimidating than Hongjoong had initially perceived. Yes, he is outrageously attractive, yes there are people in countless countries who know who he is online, but he’s human just like Hongjoong and he’s not untouchable or beyond reach. Seonghwa has so many cute facial expressions that Hongjoong hadn’t expected to learn of. He’s starting to feel really dense for having viewed Seonghwa as so one-dimensional at first. He imagines them as little kids with bucket hats and scraped knees and wonders if they would’ve been friends. 

There’s the smell of flowers in the rain; plum blossoms being led in dance by potent azalea.

“Do you feel lonely right now?” Seonghwa asks, low and out of the blue. 

“No,” Hongjoong replies. “Do you?”

Seonghwa simply shakes his head, smiling, refusing to look at Hongjoong, his eyes on his toes.

//////////

As soon as the rain ceases, they walk back to Seonghwa’s place, soaked and sluggish. Hongjoong feels that silence with Seonghwa is just as precious as hearing the depth and velvet texture of his voice. 

Not too far from the apartments, there’s a single fallen magnolia flower on the sidewalk a few feet ahead of them, and Hongjoong hops over to bend down and pick it up, twirling it between his fingers. 

This is the first time Seonghwa has taken out his phone while hanging out with Hongjoong, and Hongjoong is surprised to see it, Seonghwa pausing with phone in one hand and bag of food in the other. At first Hongjoong lets his mouth hang open as he realizes that Seonghwa is taking a picture of him, but then he smiles easily, scrunching up his nose and holding the flower close to his cheek.

“Don’t worry about dripping everywhere, I’ll clean it up later,” Seonghwa says as soon as they make it back to his front door, ready to get down to business; mom on a mission.

“Ah, no no, Seonghwa, I don’t want to mess up your place or burden you or anything,” Hongjoong says. “I can just grab my bag and head home from here.”

“You can’t walk home like that you’re shivering,” he responds with concern, eyebrows turned in and raised. It’s far more than the wet clothing that’s giving Hongjoong goosebumps. He rolls his eyes, not really knowing how else to react. 

“If you get sick I’ll cry,” Seonghwa insists. 

“You are so pure.”

Hongjoong takes that back. He’s not pure he’s _rude._

Once inside, they wobble into the bathroom that’s adjacent to the kitchen and Seonghwa peels off his wet shirt and tosses the sopping fabric into the bathtub and now his chest is right there and his skin is kind of wet and his pants are sitting perilously low on his hips and the band of his underwear is visible and Hongjoong is really going through it. 

“Oh, uh, wait- let me go grab us robes,” Seonghwa says, turning to leave.

_Fuck,_ Hongjoong thinks to himself, inwardly begging his dick to calm down.

Seonghwa comes back to the bathroom a few minutes later, and it sure seems like it should be safer with him bundled up in a fluffy white bathrobe except it’s really not because Hongjoong knows that Seonghwa is nude under there. Seonghwa brings an identical robe for Hongjoong, along with a towel, and leaves the bathroom again to give Hongjoong some privacy, letting him know that they can throw his clothes into the dryer. 

Hongjoong doesn’t know how he feels about being naked in nothing but a robe that’s most likely Yeosang’s. Unless Seonghwa owns two robes, he doesn’t know. All he knows is that he’s suddenly not in the clothes that he had arrived in. What an interesting turn of events.

Seonghwa returns from putting Hongjoong’s clothes in the dryer, and pulls out a hair dryer from the bathroom cabinet. After plugging it in, he stands behind Hongjoong and starts blow drying his hair for him without a word and Hongjoong positively wilts. All he can do is stare at their reflection in the mirror and blink. 

“You’re so nice,” he murmurs. 

“I’m not, nice,” Seonghwa argues softly. “I just- like taking care of people.”

Hongjoong is entirely used to taking care of himself, as best as he can, at least. He thinks that it actually feels quite nice to have someone step forward and care for him so unconditionally. 

“Did you really just try to say that you’re not nice.”

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Seonghwa claims, barely audible over the noise of the hair dryer. 

Having his hair blown out, as simple as it is, feels really wonderful, and Hongjoong finds himself desperately wanting Seonghwa to lean forward and wrap his arms around his body in a back hug. He can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have Seonghwa hold him. 

Hongjoong picks his cell phone up from the bathroom counter and takes a photo of them in the mirror as Seonghwa continues tending to Hongjoong’s hair. Seonghwa is pretty damn observant because he winks and uses his free hand to make a cute gesture underneath his chin right as Hongjoong snaps the picture. He adds it to his Instagram story, typing up: _we fucking forgot an umbrella_.

He texts the photo to Seonghwa while he’s at it, figuring he won't wait to see if Seonghwa asks him to send it like he did last time or not. 

Hongjoong perches on the toilet seat after his hair is finished, using the hair dryer to dry out his boots a little. He sees his phone screen light up with text notifications. 

  
  


**(sannieee):**

IM GOING FUCKING FERAL OVER HERE 

HE COULD TOTALLY ALMOST REST HIS CHIN ON THE TOP OF UR HEAD OH NO IM SAD!!!

  
  


He swallows thickly and pinches his lips in to keep from smiling like an idiot. Seonghwa is standing in front of the mirror, removing his makeup. Hongjoong tries not to watch. 

It’s an awkward goodbye after Hongjoong is back in his dried clothes. He stands on the other side of the front doorway, feeling like he ought to bow a whole bunch to Seonghwa for all that he’s done for him, but that would definitely seem too formal at this point. 

“Text me to let me know you made it home safe,” Seonghwa says, leaning his head against the doorframe. 

Hongjoong wants to make fun of Seonghwa for that because it’s not like he has to travel hours and hours away to get home or anything. But he feels so vulnerable to the point that he can’t possibly muster a witty response.

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

_You’re supposed to actually move your legs and leave after you say goodbye you fool_. 

Hongjoong doesn’t know why he remains standing there for at least another 10 seconds, the longest 10 seconds of his life. Neither of them smile as he finally gives a small wave and turns to leave, and he’s not sure why that is either. 

He heads home, the humidity making him eager for a nice cool shower, struggling to even remember what else he needs to do that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACJSJFDJSJ so I felt you guys sobbing with me as I watched the mars asmr video yesterday lmao omg it was so cute and good 😭👏 I was in such a fantastic mood all day after watching it lol I’ve been greatly enjoying all of the special contents so far!!!! (hj’s made me cry too omg he’s SUCH A BEST BOY)
> 
> thank you guys so so so much for your interest in this fic and for your kindness truly I am now SO GLAD that I decided to share this on here 🥺 you’re all wonderful and you’re making this so much fun to write 💕💕💕💕💕
> 
> //////////
> 
> stuff in this chapter:  
> [inspo for ASMR rain sounds](https://youtu.be/kMrNoQqKtLc)  
> [inspo for ASMR face massage](https://youtu.be/4ViRO9Hw-YI)  
> downpour inspired by [this song](https://youtu.be/pbr3tXMTd6E)  
> hongjoong’s mood really be [this song](https://youtu.be/T0D2fZ_P0Hg)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO!! 
> 
> TW / CW for this chapter??? minor implications of alcoholism and abuse towards the end of the chapter! it doesn’t pertain directly to any of the main characters, it’s just in regards to a little side quest of the main story! no explicit details or anything, just thought it’s better safe than sorry to give a warning 💖💖💖
> 
> enjoyyy!!

It’s a few days after Hongjoong had last seen Seonghwa, and the two of them hadn't talked all that much since that day of the downpour. Hongjoong wretchedly finds himself in this place where he secretly wants to be talking with Seonghwa as often as possible, but he's using every ounce of strength he has to hold back so that he’s not being that clingy friend. 

Seonghwa hasn’t reached out to him and he hasn’t reached out to Seonghwa and it's _agonizing,_ but it's probably the most normal, chill, not-diving-in-head-first way for the situation to be. It’s totally natural for friends who are busy adulting to go a few days without talking. 

But it’s on this particularly warm, late Saturday afternoon that Hongjoong feels as if he's been granted permission to torpedo his way back into Seonghwa’s life. 

He decides to take a small break from tie-dyeing some shirts, and when he goes to open the Instagram app on his phone he sees his own face in the first post showing up on his timeline. 

Hongjoong can’t comprehend which thing he sees first, that the picture was posted by mars_asmr, or that it is indeed a picture of himself, but his brain does the oh-so-strenuous task of piecing these two facts together and Hongjoong is very shook.

The photo must be the one that Seonghwa had captured the other day. Hongjoong is off-centered, the frame of the picture cutting off right above his knees. He’s soaked through and through, holding the magnolia flower with both hands. It’s joyful and poetic and seeing it brings Hongjoong back to the atmosphere of that day. His thoughts flutter back to being in Seonghwa’s bathroom, standing so close, swaddled in the fuzzy white bathrobes. 

Seonghwa’s caption for the post simply reads:

  
  


_Joong._

  
  


Hongjoong isn't entirely sure if Seonghwa had maybe accidentally posted this to his ASMR account instead of his personal one but it’s too late now, the photo already has over 7K likes. Hongjoong reads through some of the comments and he feels what must be the sensation of his soul leaving his body. 

  
  


_My eyes have been blessed_

_tiny joong with flower, much to think about_

🥺👉👈

 _Wait who this_ 👀

_MARS, he is so cute!!!_

_Is this the guy from some of his recent videos? What’s his Instagram he’s not tagged_

_I’m distraught_

_ok but I kinda ship it_ 😩

_hongjoong is prettier than I’ll ever be_

_Mars it makes me so happy when you post, even if it’s not a pic of you. Thank you for sharing with us._ 😊💙

_Why do attractive people always draw in other attractive people it’s infuriating I will cry_

_this is wholesome content 💕💕💕_

_I JUST BUSTED THE FATTEST UWU_

_Mars please do a Q &A vid with Yeosang and Hongjoong it would be cute! _😍

  
  


Hongjoong goes to the mars_asmr account directly, needing further proof that what he’s just seen isn't an illusion. It’s thoroughly crazy, looking at a photo of himself there next to Seonghwa’s usual selfies and aesthetically pleasing shots of all kinds. He actually has a really great eye for photography; his posts do a good job at reflecting his style and grace. The occasional mirror selfies of him and Yeosang looking like fucking models together are always super popular, always receiving an incredible amount of likes and a suitable amount of chaos in the comments. Seonghwa doesn't really treat his account as a platform to promote his video content like some might assume, and it doesn’t feel sterile or professional.

Hongjoong doesn’t know how to… thank him? For posting the photo, or how to explain that it makes him really happy that Seonghwa chose to do so, but he doesn't just want to say nothing at all. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

i’m reading the comments on that pic wow ur subscribers are so nice ; /// ; 

  
  


Hongjoong’s phone vibrates much sooner than he expected it to. 

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

Oh lol yeah! I really liked how that picture turned out! 

And yes there are some really kind people out there ^_^

**(seonghwa):**

What are you up to this weekend?

  
  


Hongjoong thinks that he really shouldn’t be this excited to have been asked such a simple question. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

nothing special just the usual

me and my friend san are gonna go out shopping tonight tho 

hbu??

  
  


He pauses for a second, and thinks to hell with it, why not.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

wanna join us? 

yeosang jongho wooyoung are welcome too

**(seonghwa):**

Sure! Sounds fun

Thanks for the invite!

What time? 

**Hongjoong:**

yay!! uh I think we were gonna do around 6? 

  
  


Okay why was that so easy. He’s suddenly going to see Seonghwa tonight. He’s going to spend time with Seonghwa not doing a video and Seonghwa wants to hang out again and he posted a picture of Hongjoong. Maybe the disconnect over the past few days hadn’t meant anything, hadn’t been anything to worry about.

Hongjoong hears back from Seonghwa no more than 15 minutes later.

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

Wooyoung is available 

Don’t know how I feel about that

**Hongjoong:**

LMAO ok I’ll let san know! 

  
  


He does just that, texting San to inform him that they’re going to have some last-minute company joining them, and it’s not even an hour later when San strides through the front door like a whirlwind without warning, running his hand through his hair and carrying a tote bag over his shoulder.

Hongjoong pauses in the living room, paintbrush in hand, other hand resting comfortably across his body. 

“Oh, hi? Come in I guess?”

“I came early so that we can get ready together,” San says, his dimples as prominent as ever. “Okay so is this like-”

“No don’t say it, don’t think it,” Hongjoong interjects. “It’s just four bros hanging out.”

San looks appalled. “What the fuck you really are in denial oh my god.”

Hongjoong is suddenly very interested in and focused on the bristles of the paintbrush in his hand. 

“You’re a mess, actually. One minute you’re in denial, the next minute you’re texting me sobbing about how bad you want him.”

“When have I said I want him,” Hongjoong retorts, trying not to speak in pout. 

“Okay you haven’t but it’s been heavily _implied.”_

San shakes his head a bit and partially widens his eyes, as if he’s being forced to spend the evening with a lunatic. 

“Four single bros going shopping together, sure…,” he mutters as he fishes around in his bag, pulling out a shimmery eyeshadow palette. “Hongie we’re switching gears _now,_ we’re gonna get dolled up.”

“Why are you acting like you don’t get out much. We both know that’s not what goes on.”

“Because _you_ don’t get out much! And I want you to have fun with your crush!”

“I want to have fun too, we will have fun, I’m just saying it doesn’t have to be such a big deal!” Hongjoong counters, plunking his paintbrush into some water to soak. “Because this little get together isn't what you think it is.”

“ _This little get together_ oh my god you crack me up.”

Hongjoong watches with concern as they relocate to his bedroom and San sits on the floor cross-legged, unloading from his bag a few makeup palettes that are more on the flashier side and like three whole different outfits. 

“No glitter we’re not going clubbing.”

“Please, just let me do my job and be your hype man,” San begs.

“Please, just don’t embarrass me tonight.”

They listen to “forever” by Charli XCX on repeat as they get ready and by the time San is finished with him Hongjoong is all lip gloss and blush.

“If Seonghwa doesn’t end up taking you home with him tonight then I quit,” San says with a proud sigh, stuffing the things he brought back into his bag. 

San’s excitable energy is kind of rubbing off on Hongjoong as much as he doesn't want to admit it. _Two can play at this game, Park Seonghwa,_ he thinks to himself as he picks out a slouchy baby blue cardigan with a deep neckline. It’s cropped, too; perfect for showing off just how well this particular pair of jeans fits him. His belly button is covered but a little bit of his midriff is visible and he checks the mirror to make sure it’s not going to be too much or anything. His hair is fluffy and wavy, all of his earrings gold and dangly, he looks very soft like a cloud. 

“ _Okay_ Joong!” San howls, giving him a slap on the ass. “Text Seonghwa and tell him you’re bringing cake tonight.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Hongjoong responds, singing it to the tune of the music. 

San ignores him. “How is it that you’re wearing long sleeves and a whole ass pair of pants but you... look kinda naked?”

“I’m not used to showing this much skin,” Hongjoong agrees, sounding uncertain. 

“Well you should more often! You have a great body, you’re so cute!” 

San gives him a hug from the side and nuzzles his cheek into Hongjoong’s hair. San really is too forgivable for his own good. Hongjoong leans into him and pats the top of his head. 

The black pants that San is wearing make his legs look an unfair amount of miles long. He has a purple muscle shirt tucked in, his waist snatched. He’s pretty much got the nicest arms in the world and he’s wearing a choker and a cute pair of glasses with pink frames that suit his face shape well. He takes a few minutes to check himself over in the mirror, making facial expressions that have Hongjoong rolling.

After their phones are charged, they head out into the pastel sunset. 

//////////

They meet up at a moderately popular shopping district nearby and Hongjoong gives a small wave with his thumb tucked in, the smile on Seonghwa’s face so very warm and highly contagious. It’s all smiles from the four boys, lots and lots of smiles, but all Hongjoong can think in this moment is how fucking _dare_. He’s livid. He’s glad now that San made them get dressed up. He owes San his life. He doesn't know how this evening has ended up being a game of who’s going to show up looking the hottest.

Seonghwa is wearing colored contacts, something like a blueish-grey, and it looks as though there’s some highlight on his cheekbones but perhaps that’s just his naturally angelic glow. Instead of having one side of his hair styled away from his face, he has his full fringe down, lightly tousled. Speaking of snatched waists, Seonghwa is sporting an ivory cold shoulder top, tucked in to black skinny jeans with slits on the knees. His sleeves are rolled up and even his forearms are attractive. 

Hongjoong wonders if he were to conveniently collapse in the direction of Seonghwa’s arms if he’d catch him or just step away and cringe at his limp body on the ground. 

Wooyoung is deadass wearing a black leather harness around his torso, looking like a fucking K-pop idol. His shirt is distressed and he has some black eyeliner on and is casually sucking on a lollipop. Hongjoong glances at San to make sure he’s okay.

He wasn’t at all expecting to see the look of revelation that’s written across San’s face. 

“Oh! Hi.” 

“Yeah, hi,” Wooyoung says to San in a suspiciously mild tone. “Thanks again for the extra cookie.”

“Oh, did you see that?” San giggles, coy. 

_What the hell,_ Hongjoong thinks to himself. This is borderline gag-inducing and he doesn't even know what the hell is actually going on. Like clockwork, he and Seonghwa exchange a look of mutual confusion. 

“I, uh, met him the other day actually or- well, I paid him for my iced Americano and cookie,” Wooyoung explains. 

San grins. “I didn’t ask what your name was.” 

Hongjoong almost busts a lung because San would’ve had to have written down Wooyoung’s name on his coffee cup. Pretty sure that’s in his job description. 

“It’s Wooyoung,” the lilac-haired boy plays along, responding in a misty voice. He smirks as he pops the lollipop back into his mouth. San is looking like the fucking heart eyes emoji.

Hongjoong tries not to simply turn around and leave, and gives everybody’s attire one more look over. They all look tasteful enough though, is the thing. No one went full-on hoe. Realizing this restores Hongjoong’s faith in the situation. 

“Cool, so we all kind of know each other,” Seonghwa says gently. Seonghwa really is a wholesome breath of fresh air. The way his dark jeans seamlessly blend in down to his black boots makes him look like he’s all legs and it’s very distracting. “So where did you guys want to go to?”

“Uh, just shopping around, nowhere in particular,” Hongjoong answers. 

“And dinner,” San chimes in swiftly. “We were going to grab dinner too.” He looks at Hongjoong, eyebrows raised, forcing a tight-lipped smile. 

“Right… dinner as well,” Hongjoong says flatly. 

And with that, San links arms with Hongjoong and the four of them start roaming around. There’s quite a crowd out and about tonight, and the aroma from food stalls engulfs the vicinity. 

It’s actually really amusing watching Seonghwa and Wooyoung interact. Wooyoung has two modes: bullying Seonghwa or clinging to Seonghwa. Hongjoong’s first inclination was to feel a pang of jealousy at witnessing how comfortable the two of them are together, but if he’s learned anything by now it’s that jealousy never really does any good.

Hongjoong finds that he and Seonghwa gravitate towards sticking together in all of the stores they browse through. Either that or he himself just can't seem to keep away. Seonghwa asks for Hongjoong’s opinion a lot on clothes that he’s picking out. Every time Seonghwa laughs or stands close, Hongjoong feels something like an electronic orchestra pounding in his chest, deep and reverberating with light, with color. Hongjoong wants to compose a song from these feelings; bound together like a photo album of this evening, of all the pictures developing in his mind.

The looks that San keeps shooting at Hongjoong are priceless though, honestly. Hongjoong fears that San might break his forehead from how much he’s raising his eyebrows. San is all about this, and Hongjoong can’t quite understand how some people thrive in awkward situations.

After trying on some clothes and taking group mirror selfies in every shop that has full body mirrors, they watch busking out on the avenue. It’s truly a perfect night to be out in the city. The temperature feels great and it dawns on Hongjoong that it’s maybe been a month or so since he last went out like this for fun. 

They’re watching a solo performer when a considerable amount of giggling nearby catches Hongjoong’s attention. He assumes that the chatter must have something to do with this singer that they’re currently listening to, but when he glances to his left he sees a group of about five or six girls checking the four of them out. One of them erupts into a contained shriek. 

“Mars Oppa?” 

A long-haired girl wearing a plaid skirt and a crossbody bag breaks away from the group and approaches them. 

“This is so embarrassing,” she says breathlessly, “I watch your videos, could I take a selfie with you?”

Seonghwa looks startled at first, but only for a moment. He melts into a huge, bashful smile, and starts conversing with the girl, much to her delight. Seonghwa wants a selfie with her too and looks equally as excited to meet her. It’s devastatingly cute. 

She thanks Seonghwa a whole bunch and apologizes for being a bother, but all four boys assure her that it’s totally chill. 

Before she returns to her friends, the girl pauses and looks at Hongjoong. 

“Hi,” she says to him simply, still sounding winded. 

Hongjoong doesn’t know why this is making him blush, but he says hi back and then she departs with a wave goodbye. 

“Uh, so that was super precious? Does that happen often?” San asks, looking tickled.

“No, not too often or anything,” Seonghwa answers modestly.

“She recognized you too Hongjoong, that was so cute,” Wooyoung coos. 

“Yeah, that was really sweet,” Hongjoong says, shy. He can’t quite tell if Seonghwa is looking at him or looking away, but San and Wooyoung start giggling in unison and he wants to punch them both.

“Do you guys want to do street food or a restaurant?” Seonghwa asks, after they all agree that it’s getting late and that they’re beyond starved. 

“Restaurant,” San replies, a little too quickly. “We’ve been walking around so much, it’ll be nice to sit down!”

They pick a place right around the corner that Wooyoung recommends, and after they’re seated at a table for four Hongjoong feels his phone vibrate. 

  
  


**(sannieee):**

hongjoong he’s been l i t e r a l l y checking out your ass

dare I even say

OGLING your ass

**Hongjoong:**

you lie

**(sannieee):**

i don’t!!! i saw him do it i’m keeping my eye on him

**Hongjoong:**

rlly? looks to me like ur eyes have been a little too busy undressing wooyoung

and ur the one who sashayed into the restaurant too hard you need to calm down

**(sannieee):**

shut up hes hot

r u seeing tho how they’re both on their phones rn too?? 

think they’re texting about us too???

**Hongjoong:**

u wish

  
  


Hongjoong sets his phone down with finality and starts skimming the menu. He’ll eat just about anything right now, he feels ravenous.

Seonghwa is seated across from him, slowly rocking back and forth as he too places his phone down and squints intently at the menu. The past couple of times they’ve hung out Hongjoong has noticed that Seonghwa does this little motion, but he’s never shown signs of having the habit before in any of his videos. It’s really adorable, but Hongjoong wonders if it has anything to do with Seonghwa feeling anxious. 

Hongjoong is really out here saying to hell with it to all sorts of things tonight. He carefully starts feeling around under the table for Seonghwa’s feet. 

Hongjoong’s right foot bumps into one of Seonghwa’s, and he kicks at it a few more times. He feels Seonghwa look up at him, but Hongjoong keeps his face partially hidden by the menu and his eyes on Wooyoung, who’s rambling about what the best dishes are. 

Much to Hongjoong’s triumph, Seonghwa heedfully thuds his foot into Hongjoong’s in return. Hongjoong wiggles his foot side to side, tapping up against the side of Seonghwa’s. Things escalate quickly and the wrestling between their feet gets a little aggressive, Hongjoong fighting back laughter and still refusing to look at the boy across from him. They both bang their knees on the underside of the table, one after the other. 

Wooyoung snaps his head up, looking disturbed. 

“Is everything alright,” he asks Seonghwa, blinking, not looking for an answer but just wanting a reason to act offended. He flips his hair and looks back at his menu. 

They both cease their kicking, managing to act unbothered. Seonghwa locks eyes with Hongjoong as he takes a sip of his water and Hongjoong has to look away before he detonates. 

San and Wooyoung seem to have fallen into their own little world now, blabbering on about whatever the fuck, and Hongjoong steals a look back at Seonghwa. He maps out his features and swiftly diverts his gaze when Seonghwa catches him, right as the waiter approaches their table. 

After they order a bunch of food to share, Hongjoong feels an ankle brush against his, probably definitely not by accident. 

_Okay. So this is happening now._

Hongjoong brushes back. It’s oddly intimate and Hongjoong is blushing like mad.

Their legs somehow end up comfortably intertwined by the time their food arrives at the table and Hongjoong feels that his heart rate may be in an unhealthy place. First it’s an unofficial game of trying to dress hot for tonight, and now it’s a strange game of trying to act like nothing’s happening; under the table and in general. 

Seonghwa’s legs remain with Hongjoong’s, but they stop sneaking looks, all of the boys much too preoccupied with the feast that’s in front of them.

Hongjoong desperately wants to tap San on the shoulder and whisper _what does it all mean?_ Because San seems to know everything.

“You guys are awfully quiet,” Wooyoung bellows, directing his comment at Seonghwa and Hongjoong, after they’ve all devoured the food. 

“Uh, no, we’re just good listeners?”

“You’re a terrible listener Joongie what are you talking abou-”

San is cut off by the waiter stopping by with their bill and they all start feeling around for their wallets. 

“Oh, can I pay for dinner? Is that alright with you guys?” Seonghwa asks out of nowhere.

Hongjoong stares at him, mouth wide open. What is he talking about. They had ordered meat. _A lot_ of meat. And enough side dishes for probably twice as many people. He really doesn’t even want to know what the number on their bill is. 

“No you absolutely may not,” Hongjoong says, crossing his arms. Their legs are still kind of resting against each other under the table. 

“Oh just let him, he’s loaded between YouTube and being the nanny of a CEO’s daughter-”

“Wooyoungie stop,” Seonghwa whines, a little uncomfortable. “I just, I just want to do something nice. Because this is really nice and I appreciate Hongjoong and San inviting us to hang out.”

“Aw! Hwa, you’re a keeper!” San smiles, his eyes pretty crescent moons, and at the snap of a finger he’s pursing his lips and giving Hongjoong a very knowing look.

“We love a sugar daddy,” Wooyoung says, elbow propped up on the table and chin resting on his palm. Hongjoong chokes.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that,” Seonghwa says as he fishes in his wallet for his credit card. 

//////////

Back outside and feeling well-fed, they all thank Seonghwa profusely for his kind gesture of paying for dinner, partly because they really are grateful, but also because it’s fun to gang up on Seonghwa 3-1 and embarrass him. 

They dick around at an arcade, hyping up Wooyoung as he tries to win at a claw machine. Persistence and/or stubbornness pays off for Wooyoung and he ends up successfully knocking down a prize on his eighth try.

“Fuck yes!” he shouts, prompting a gentle _shhh!_ from Seonghwa as if they’re in a library.

It’s a cute dog plushie that Wooyoung wins, and he doesn't even take a single look at it before wordlessly handing it over to a very surprised San.

“Shiber!” San exclaims. 

Hongjoong stares at him. “What in the fresh fuck is a Shiber.”

San makes Hongjoong apologize to Shiber, who is apparently his new plush dog friend. The look on San’s face actually makes Hongjoong’s heart melt a little. Real smooth, Wooyoung. It’s good to see San so happy. Seonghwa takes a photo of San, Shiber, and Wooyoung, illuminated in all of the colors of the arcade games. 

There’s a lot more laughter shared between the four of them as it gets later and they start to wind down. Hongjoong’s face legitimately hurts from smiling so much, squinting eyes filtering the lights of the city and blurring like a rainbow. 

They’re trying to figure out where to roam to next when Hongjoong catches San and Wooyoung holding hands for a few solid minutes, and he feels a different type of stupid jealously creep up for a fleeting moment. He wishes he could do that. The thing is is that he _could_ totally do that, hell, he could’ve taken their little game at the restaurant up a notch and dragged Seonghwa into the bathroom and given him a blowjob _easily._ Assuming that Seonghwa would’ve wanted that and would’ve been okay with that, that is. Hongjoong quickly pushes back any thoughts pertaining to the fact that _he_ really would have loved that.

He’s been holding back this whole time because this feels… different. Different than anything he’s felt before. _Seonghwa_ is different. Most of the shame that Hongjoong has associated with harboring an online crush is wearing off, thank god, but he’s afraid of rushing into anything and afraid of rejection and afraid of ruining a really good thing. Diving off the deep end is what he always does, and it never doesn’t leave him drowning and hurt. 

Hongjoong is terrified of the emotions attached to that. He doesn't want to go through that anymore, or ever again. He knows that his past partners aren’t all to blame for anything. And he thinks that maybe he's growing into a better person by being able to recognize that and take ownership for his mistakes. He feels like maybe he’s becoming more mature. Despite him literally having just played footsy under the dinner table with his crush like a middle schooler. 

Hongjoong is running low on bravery for the night and doesn’t check to see if Seonghwa had also noticed San and Wooyoung holding hands. 

“We’re gonna drop our shopping bags off at my place,” San speaks out, “and then hit up some clubs. You guys wanna meet us at the club?”

Hongjoong has a lot to say to that and also nothing to say at all. He looks at San, unimpressed.

“I have work in the morning, I should head home.”

“I have work tomorrow too do you see me saying no to living life?”

“Getting mixed messages here,” Hongjoong sighs. “One day you're urging me to get more sleep, the next day you're peer pressuring me into partying through the god forsaken hours of morning.”

San pouts. “Hongjoong used to be a cool dad in school, now he’s just tired dad.”

“Oh my god we call Hwa our mom all the time,” Wooyoung gushes, a look of glee consuming his face. 

The world's largest lightbulb goes off between San and Wooyoung and they look at each other as if they’re geniuses, the only geniuses ever. 

“Mom and Dad?” they yell in unison. “Mom and Dad!” 

Hongjoong is firstly: deceased, and secondly: not surprised at all to discover that he hadn’t been the first one ever to tease Seonghwa about his motherly nature. Seonghwa is unmistakably blushing for the first time that Hongjoong can actually tell.

“Daddy could you tell me the story of how you and Mom met? I want to hear a love story,” San says in a baby voice. 

“Please don’t call me daddy ever again,” Hongjoong deadpans.

Wooyoung whines at Seonghwa after he’s somewhat finished laughing his ass off. “You coming or going?”

“I think I’m going to go and make sure your dad gets home safely,” Seonghwa replies, mustering a smirk, a look of payback in his eyes. Now it’s Hongjoong’s turn to blush violently. 

It’s a nice distraction when San hugs Hongjoong for a full 60 seconds, if not more. Wooyoung gives Seonghwa several soft punches in the stomach followed by a big hug, and then the duos part ways. 

“You could’ve gone with them and had fun,” Hongjoong murmurs as he and Seonghwa begin walking side by side, away from the commotion and mass of shops and restaurants. 

“I already had plenty of fun tonight,” Seonghwa says lightly. 

Hongjoong imagines Seonghwa stepping into the club and all people of the gender spectrum flocking towards him.

“You really don’t have to walk me all the way home.”

“It’s late, I want to make sure you’re safe.”

“But then you’ll have to go all the way back home by yourself? Promise me you’ll just catch a taxi or take the subway instead of walking all by y-”

Seonghwa stops in his tracks, and Hongjoong, startled, halts along with him, automatically aware of the taller boy’s apprehension. 

It takes a moment for Hongjoong to hear it, and he’s a step behind as Seonghwa is already looking in the direction of a small child, crouching by the side of a building. The kid is crying. Seonghwa and Hongjoong look at each other. 

They both peer around to see if there’s anyone nearby who might’ve noticed the child too, or is responsible for him. He’s rubbing his face furiously, knees drawn in to his chest, his little white sneakers covered in dirt. Seonghwa slowly inches closer to the boy, Hongjoong shuffling behind him. 

Why is he crying? Is he hurt? Lost? Why is such a young kid out here alone this late at night?

Seonghwa kneels down to speak to the boy, keeping a respectful distance. “Hi, are you lost?” 

The child sniffles, upset to the point that he can’t quite seem to find words. He eventually shakes his head in response. 

“Are you okay? Can we help you find your parents?” Seonghwa asks, using his soothing voice to the best of its ability. 

“Kyong!” 

A booming utterance comes from behind them, making Hongjoong jump a bit. 

“There’s my little nephew!” 

A man reeking of alcohol strides past them and clumsily coaxes the kid to stand up. He’s a rather large man, shirt stained, laces of his boots untied. Hongjoong does not want to judge by appearances, he really doesn’t, but this guy looks more like a convict than a legal guardian. 

“He looks sketchy as fuck I don’t like this,” Hongjoong whispers to Seonghwa. 

“I know.” Seonghwa’s eyes flit back and forth between the kid and the man. 

If it weren’t for Seonghwa being there by his side, Hongjoong is certain that he would actually feel a whole lot more spooked.

“Is… this your uncle?” Seonghwa asks the small boy carefully, warily. Although he still refuses to look directly at Seonghwa and Hongjoong, the kid slowly nods his head. 

“Okay,” Seonghwa yields, giving an uncomfortable bow towards the man. 

They feel uncertain seeing the child leave with him.

//////////

They talk about the kid on their way to Hongjoong’s apartment, both feeling a little downhearted. Since it happened closer to Hongjoong’s place, he says that he’ll make sure to keep his eyes peeled, just in case he happens to see the kid again sometime. Even if they don’t know the whole situation, even if it might be wrong of them to judge people they don’t even know and jump to worst-case conclusions, the child had been crying and briefly abandoned, and that’s enough to worry them.

Seonghwa feels guilty for not being able to do anything. Hongjoong feels uneasy. But it’s nice to at least be able to talk to each other about how they feel, as if they’re silently sending out prayers for the kid into the night sky by doing so. 

When they find themselves outside Hongjoong’s front door, neither of them move. After everything that’s happened tonight Hongjoong almost doesn’t even care anymore, he’s openly checking out Seonghwa right now, right in front of his face. Hongjoong doesn't know how he emotionally withstood it, seeing Seonghwa’s shoulders all night in that damned cold shoulder top. 

Seonghwa is kind of looking him up and down too, but maybe just because Hongjoong’s outfit really is out of the ordinary for him? A truly confusing set of clothes? Seonghwa is biting his bottom lip but Hongjoong doesn’t want to read into it too much. He’s probably just worrying more about the crying kid. 

Hongjoong is sure that his heart is beating just as loud as the bass of the music in the club that San and Wooyoung are submerged in.

“I would invite you… inside… but it’s messy.”

“And you have work in the morning.”

“Right, and I have that.” 

He wants to kick himself for basically implying that he wishes Seonghwa could come inside.

There’s a twinkle in Seonghwa’s eyes. “Maybe I could come over and help with some spring cleaning sometime.” 

Hongjoong has to look away as he feels his grin growing. “Thank you for walking me. And for dinner.” 

Hongjoong and Mingi’s apartment complex isn’t nearly as nice as Seonghwa and Yeosang’s. The front door is worn and the dim lighting almost makes Hongjoong feel as if he can better hide how he’s feeling inside of it. 

“Thank you again for inviting me, or- I mean, you and San for inviting me and Wooyoung.”

Seonghwa bites his lip again and all Hongjoong wants is to know what Seonghwa is thinking, when silent moments like this hover between them. 

Hongjoong tries not to think about what would happen if Seonghwa did come inside tonight except that this is _exactly_ what Hongjoong is thinking about. Seonghwa’s lips look really red and glossy in the low light right now and it’s not helping anything. 

Maybe it’s pushing the envelope, Hongjoong doesn't know, but he decides to do a thing. To see how Seonghwa might react. He low-key licks his bottom lip, looks off to the side, and then back at Seonghwa. And Seonghwa definitely saw it, definitely watched Hongjoong do it. It looks like Seonghwa is on the brink of saying something, but he doesn’t and looks down instead. 

Following a shaky breath, Hongjoong tells Seonghwa to text him when he gets home safely, awkwardly trying to duplicate the care that often rests in Seonghwa’s voice. Hongjoong is relieved to see a soft smile come along with his goodbye this time.

Mingi and Yunho are one ginormous lump on the couch watching Frozen 2 in the dark when Hongjoong walks in. He cuddles up next to them and tells them about the night and all about the fucking fireworks that went off between San and Wooyoung. 

As per usual, Hongjoong checks his phone a little later while he brushes his teeth and paces the bathroom. 

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

You better be asleep and not actually reading this right now but I made it home ^_^

**Hongjoong:**

😇

  
  


Hongjoong knows that it’ll make Seonghwa mad, if it’s even possible for Park Seonghwa to get mad, so he sends the emoji and sets his phone down for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! thank u guys so much for reading!!!!! please know that I smile like a fool when I read your comments lol aaaaa your continued kindness towards this story is blowing my mind it means so much to me, really!!! 😭😭🥺🥰
> 
> //////////
> 
> stuff in this chapter:  
> I made a [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsenJSIypLny7PJCW9MaPCQacRSzNcTmG) for tingles! 🌟  
> it has songs that are mentioned in chapters + ones that have inspired the story and I’ll update it as we go along 💖
> 
> “double date” moods are [this song](https://youtu.be/Z4Qb-uEx0-U) and [this song](https://youtu.be/Op8qBK4hjxA)
> 
> and I’m sorry but [pink diamond](https://youtu.be/_FU8xyVC-tk) is 100% woosan stepping into the club (can u tell that I’ve been obsessed with charli’s quarantine album lol)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO ALL ❤️
> 
> little TW: brief mention of an emotionally abusive past relationship in the beginning of this chapter
> 
> thank u for being here, see yall in the end notes!!!

Seonghwa is certain that he’ll never not have serious heart palpitations every time he opens his front door to see small and spunky Hongjoong waiting on the other side. 

When he had first taken a look at Hongjoong’s Instagram, as silly as it may feel and sound, Seonghwa had been inspired. He is always touched when people tag him in things on social media, he doesn’t take those instances lightly. But it had taken Seonghwa a considerable amount of courage to message this eccentric and rather intimidating individual, after having seen the canvas painting of the star and the train.

Hongjoong is a multitalented king, Seonghwa could tell that much from the very start. And now that Hongjoong is his friend, Seonghwa feels happy to be alive just knowing that he’ll be able to watch Hongjoong succeed in all of his dreams and endeavors.

The way Hongjoong throws his head back when he’s overjoyed, the way Hongjoong dresses and expresses himself, the way he gets defensive when anyone dares poke fun at him, just the way he _moves_ and breathes, the way he literally bounces when he’s elated. Seonghwa has grown quite fond of Hongjoong. He’s very cute and vibrant and his breathless little laugh is better than therapy.

Seonghwa isn't sure exactly when it began, he’s not sure if it’s something he could trace back so easily, but he’s become rather afraid. Of all of this. 

He adores when Hongjoong’s cheeks flush so instinctively, the softest dusting of dark pink. He wonders, if he were to check Hongjoong’s brow, just how feverish it would feel. When Hongjoong simply looks at him he feels the entire world expand and simultaneously minimize into a space created just for them, a haven of dazzling light. Looking at Hongjoong is like looking through a kaleidoscopic. Seonghwa is convinced that this boy could make gardens grow.

And he’s convinced that he’s never seen a brighter example of someone who’s flaws make them so overwhelmingly beautiful. Hongjoong doesn't try to be perfect. He just tries his hardest at existing well. There’s a fire in him and Seonghwa believes that there’s nothing he can’t accomplish.

Seonghwa is further convinced that Hongjoong would look just as exquisite as he does adorned with his thoughtful and innovative clothes than he would with none on at all, and that’s where Seonghwa feels his mind fizzle out and his lips chap.

He has a soft spot in his heart just for Hongjoong’s texts. 

_what r u doin?_

_what are u & treasure up to today? ^o^ _

_how’s the vid editing going??_

_do u maybe know how to clean paint out of couch material im asking for a friend_

_hi what brand is that eyeshadow you wore yesterday it looked rlly nice_

_what day of the week is it, asking for a friend_

He likes to ask questions and Seonghwa is always more than eager to answer them.

Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Jongho keep _insisting_ that Seonghwa is smitten, much to Seonghwa’s embarrassment, but he’d rather wait to investigate what his feelings may be developing into than to admit to their claims entirely. Regardless of whatever these feelings _exactly_ are, they’re getting a little hard to ignore.

Seonghwa thinks that he ought to let up on how many videos he does with Hongjoong. The very last thing he wants is for it to seem as if he’s abusing his power to touch Hongjoong and to simply be around him. But having someone who’s comfortable and willing to participate with him feels like a rarity, and viewers seem to really like Hongjoong’s presence on camera.

Honestly, Seonghwa will be thrilled if they can reach a point where it’s cool to just hang out even when filming a video isn’t on the agenda. He had felt quite hopeful and excited when Hongjoong, and San, invited him and Wooyoung to go out shopping. It had been really fun, he wants for them to be able to do that again sometime, but this is also where some of his fear creeps in, fear of what that might lead to. Because that night alone had had quite a few interesting moments. A lot of interesting moments. Moments where Seonghwa wasn’t sure if oxygen was a thing that existed anymore. He’s scared of scaring off Hongjoong. He’s been _trying_ to press on the gas pedal very, very lightly.

Hongjoong is definitely not using him or anything like that though, Seonghwa can tell that much. He actually seems to just enjoy spending time with Seonghwa? And this is something most precious. Seonghwa feels it’s healthy that he’s been given the opportunity to make new friends, friends who are decent people to boot. 

He has caught himself thinking about how different Hongjoong is from the last guy he had feelings for. Being an inherently nice person always leads to hurt. His ex had wanted to keep him a secret, and the ironic thing is that this secret was a secret to Seonghwa, too. Seonghwa was painstakingly naive at the time, and didn’t know if he’d ever recover from learning that his boyfriend was involved with two girls and one other guy alongside him. He didn’t even know that something like that… was possible. That after giving your heart to someone, they could _pretend_ to exist in a world that’s just for the two of you? How could you pour all of your kindness into one human being just to have them reject you and treat you worse than shit? It’s beyond Seonghwa, he still can’t comprehend it. Hongjoong actually seems like he has a soul and Seonghwa is captured by that. When Hongjoong had briefly shared with him that he also was not treated with much respect or care in a prior relationship, Seonghwa’s heart had ached for him. 

ASMR genuinely helped Seonghwa when peace had felt impossible; peace with his situation, and peace with himself. He had been very insecure after the breakup, terrified at the possibility that the person he was wasn’t meant for love. When he felt lonely and restless and starved for comfort, ASMR had been a small highlight of every day; it had helped him relax when he felt anxious in the evenings.

If he’s learned anything, it’s that he’s never going to stop being a kind person, even though that part of him had been taken advantage of and soiled. Seonghwa was really inspired by the ASMRtists that he came across and their positivity, and thought that it would be neat if he could take his pain and turn it into a source of comfort for others.

Others like Hongjoong, apparently. 

All of these unrelenting thoughts fly laps through Seonghwa’s mind as he, Yeosang, Jongho, and Hongjoong are hanging out in the kitchen on a cloudless weekday afternoon. 

“View” by SHINee is playing and Yeosang is giving off big BLACKPINK Boombayah energy, bending over and doing a lot of frantic hair flips. 

Hongjoong’s ears and the back of his hair are sticking out of his beanie and he grabs a banana on the kitchen counter and starts singing into it like a microphone. 

His giggles are resounding in the air and Seonghwa is a little worried that Hongjoong won’t be as happy after he explains what his idea is for today’s filming. Jongho is capturing a video of the ensuing chaos on his phone. 

“Don’t tag me in this,” Seonghwa half-says, half-sings.

“What if I told you it’s too late,” Jongho replies, to which Hongjoong bursts out laughing.

“This is going to ruin my image!” Seonghwa sobs, pretending to be upset, trying not to dance too close to Hongjoong. 

Yeosang huffs, out of breath. “No it’s not this is the real you.” 

Seonghwa wishes that Wooyoung was here right now, and San, too. He feels that the both of them would fit into this moment perfectly. Wooyoung had texted not too long ago and apparently he and San had just finished listening to the entire BTS discography from beginning to end while trying out each other’s skin care routines. And rearranging San’s plush toy collection and Seonghwa isn’t _exactly_ sure what that meant but okay. 

Yeosang and Jongho announce their departure after the song wraps up, saying that they’re off to go furniture shopping, Yeosang adding that they’ll leave to give Seonghwa and Hongjoong some privacy. Seonghwa throws a pillow at him and counterattacks by commenting on how domestic furniture shopping sounds. Seonghwa peers at Hongjoong who’s now sitting on the couch with his knees tucked in to his chest, looking at his phone, seemingly ignoring the banter. 

He plops down on the couch after Yeosang and Jongho are gone, leaving a cushion between him and Hongjoong. 

“I’m nervous to tell you about the idea I have for today’s video,” he confesses. 

“Why? And sorry,” Hongjoong says, stuffing his phone in his pocket, “I was texting San. Apparently he and Wooyoung had a sleepover?”

Seonghwa doesn't know why Hongjoong saying the word sleepover is causing him to blush so much. He used to be far better at masking his emotions, until Hongjoong came bouncing into his life. 

“Yeah, I heard from Wooyoung, too. They seem to get along really well.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

Seonghwa is suddenly very focused on a loose thread on the pillow that he’s holding tightly to his chest.

“So- video idea? Nervousness? What you so nervous for, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong asks, leaning forward with his chin on his palm, goading. 

“Uh, you’re, you-” Seonghwa falters, “how you might react.”

Hongjoong’s lips form a little O in curiosity. 

“It’s totally, completely okay if you don’t want to do it of course, but, selfishly, I really want to do it, which is why I’m….”

Hongjoong is just staring at Seonghwa as he blunders and his brain flatlines for a second. 

“What?”

“What.”

They’re both, struggling. Seonghwa finds that they have moments like this occasionally, where conversation snags, but it hasn’t prevented the comfort that they’ve built up between them from continuing to advance. He and Hongjoong converse in a way that’s very dissimilar to the way he does with anyone else he knows. They’re both very synchronously distracted individuals for some reason and it’s in moments like these that Seonghwa has to shake his head a little bit to snap himself out of it.

“Oh my god just ask me already,” Hongjoong says, breaking the silence. 

Seonghwa gulps. There’s a couple of things he could ask Hongjoong if only he were brave enough. 

“Okay, um, let me go grab it,” he announces, standing up. He heads towards the bathroom to retrieve a plastic bag that holds the key piece to his idea. 

“Now you’re making _me_ all nervous,” he hears Hongjoong shout.

Seonghwa returns, sitting back down on the couch cross-legged, facing Hongjoong with a box of cherry red hair dye hiding behind his back. Hongjoong adjusts himself to mirror Seonghwa’s sitting position. 

“Okay, so, I thought that maybe we could dye your hair?” he says shyly as he reveals the box of hair dye, holding it close to his face with an uncertain expression. 

Hongjoong’s eyes widen, but not at all in a petrified way.

“Oh! That would be fun!”

Seonghwa is delighted- delighted that Hongjoong is actually reacting so openly to this? Hongjoong is seriously down for a hair makeover without any prior notice? Without any choice in the color or anything?

“Really?” is all Seonghwa can say.

“Yeah, why the fuck not?” Hongjoong smiles and shrugs, taking off his beanie right away. “I haven’t done anything new to my hair in a while, and I’ve never tried red before.” 

Seonghwa takes a deep breath. He isn't sure why he gets so frightened over the possibility of Hongjoong rejecting his ideas. This one requires an extra amount of trust and dedication though, undoubtedly.

“Wow, Hongjoong, you’re the best.”

Seonghwa tips forward, closing the gap between them on the couch. He hugs Hongjoong for a solid moment, but quickly pulls back a little, shocked at how his body had moved of its own accord, and at how warm and complete Hongjoong feels in his embrace.

Hongjoong’s face is flushed across his cheeks and nose, somehow making his skin tone look even more lovely. Seonghwa hadn’t meant to make him feel uncomfortable, though. His stomach flips and then dive bombs. Hongjoong’s small hands have ended up gingerly on Seonghwa’s bicep, and the other one on Seonghwa’s waist. Hongjoong is wearing a red muscle tee, coincidently a perfect match for his soon-to-be new hair color. The skin on his arms is incredibly soft.

“I’m sorry,” Seonghwa blurts, his gaze caught with Hongjoong’s. 

“No don’t be sorry, it’s-” Hongjoong loses his voice.

Seonghwa watches Hongjoong’s adam’s apple bob as he swallows. He looks shocked too but, he’s not moving away in disgust so, that’s good and all, but, what on earth is happening. Hongjoong’s eyes appear to be searching all over Seonghwa’s face for the answer to just that.

He can feel Hongjoong breathing, his lips are slightly parted; Hongjoong’s lips are very pretty. His front teeth are peeking out a little bit, and his teeth are pretty, too. This is the closest Seonghwa has ever been to Hongjoong, even closer than that day they took cover at the playground in the downpour, a day that Seonghwa will never forget.

It’s like Hongjoong is an entirely new person this close up. The same, but new? Seonghwa can’t decipher if his heartbeat is out of control or if it’s just completely ceasing to exist. It could be either way for all he knows. Hongjoong has quite a dominating nature and to see him so taken aback like this, so limp in Seonghwa’s arms, is doing strange things to Seonghwa. 

He really did not mean to startle Hongjoong. He bites his bottom lip in worry, and hopes that _that_ doesn’t further panic Hongjoong; it’s a bad habit. Certainly Seonghwa isn’t ruining things? He’ll never forgive himself if he hurts this boy. 

“I should’ve asked if it was okay to hug you,” Seonghwa almost whispers. He sees Hongjoong gulp again. 

“Y-You don’t need to ask for permission to touch me…,” he responds in a small voice.

“Oh… okay,” Seonghwa barely manages to say, feeling dumber than bricks yet so very light like a feather in the wind. 

He doesn’t know what to do with this newfound information given to him by Hongjoong. The boy who he maybe probably likes very much. The boy he’s afraid of losing somehow.

Hongjoong says nothing more and Seonghwa inhales. 

He leans back in and gives Hongjoong another hug, this time with more control and awareness of what he’s doing. He feels both of Hongjoong’s arms wrap around his waist. He feels Hongjoong’s forehead nuzzle into his shoulder. Hongjoong smells faintly of something sweet… honey, maybe?

“I’ll go get everything set up, then.”

Hongjoong just nods his head when Seonghwa slides back to look at him again, and it physically hurts, pulling completely away from Hongjoong. Seonghwa doesn’t want to let him go, he doesn’t want him to feel lonely ever again. 

With fingers trembling somewhat, Seonghwa gets everything set up in the living room for the hair dyeing session, and he notices Hongjoong waddle over to the kitchen to help himself to a glass of water. Something about seeing Hongjoong navigate his kitchen so comfortably makes Seonghwa want to embrace him again. He wonders how it is that he’s starting to feel more and more at home in his own home whenever Hongjoong is around. 

They’re ready to begin what hopefully won’t end in disaster and Hongjoong seems kind of quiet in his chair, well, of course he would be, they’re about to start filming, but it’s a different kind of quiet. Seonghwa feels himself anxiously sway side to side. 

“Be careful, I will be giving a full review of the Mars hair salon after this,” Hongjoong quips, twisting around in his seat to look at Seonghwa. 

Hearing Hongjoong joke is a relief. Seonghwa smiles back at him. 

“Wait- white jeans? You’re not going to change?” Hongjoong asks with one eyebrow raised, pointing his finger at Seonghwa’s pants. “You fucking crazy or something?”

Seonghwa laughs. He is indeed wearing a pair of white jeans with slits on the knees. 

“Yeah, crazy _good_.” Seonghwa winks, further relieved that Hongjoong seems to be okay after all.

Hongjoong’s mouth falls open at the cheesy remark.

“Okay I’m not super good or anything but trust me, I wouldn’t suggest dyeing your hair if I didn’t know what I was doing at least a little bit.”

“Wanna bet something?” Hongjoong proposes. “If you get even a speck of hair dyeing shit on your pants, you owe me something. If you don’t then I owe you something but obviously it’s not gonna play out that way.”

Seonghwa matches Hongjoong’s smirk, confirms that it’s a deal, and they get started. 

Seonghwa has it organized for them to film this video in sections, and they begin by getting footage of him applying the bleach to Hongjoong’s hair, tingle-worthy sounds galore. They rinse out the bleach in the bathroom, return to film Seonghwa applying the color to Hongjoong’s hair, pop back in to the bathroom for a rinse, and lastly film the blow dry.

It’s a quiet afternoon of filming, other than when they’re in the bathroom for the rinses, Hongjoong shrieking at the cold water and Seonghwa having a little bit too much fun watching him be dramatic and toweling his wet hair for him. And they pass the time while waiting for the bleach and the color to develop by chatting about some of this month’s K-pop comebacks.

Seonghwa tries to keep his cool as he blow dries Hongjoong’s hair. The color on him is brilliant, seriously as if it was meant to be. Seonghwa is pleased that the color turned out even and smooth and that he didn’t mess it up somehow. 

After Hongjoong’s hair is dry and styled with a middle part, Seonghwa nervously offers him a handheld mirror so that he can check out the finished results. 

“Holy shit this is wild! Seonghwa, this is so, so good!” 

Hongjoong looks sincerely awestruck at his new look, flipping his hair around in disbelief. Seonghwa is beaming. 

“Want to whisper something into the mic? Give your honest review?” Seonghwa suggests, gesturing to one of the mics he has set up next to Hongjoong’s seat. He’s thinking that he could edit that little bit in at the very end of the video, and that it might make some people smile. 

Hongjoong stares at him for a second, his expression still as jubilant as could be. He stands up and smooths out his pants, leaning towards the mic, whisper-laughing through his nose a bit.

“Mars Hair Salon, 10/10 would recommend,” he whispers, putting effort into sounding gentle.

Hongjoong gives a thumbs up to the camera, and then taps his fingers on the back of the handheld mirror into the microphone, looking proud of himself for that. Seonghwa is disgustingly happy. It’s going to be so humiliating watching this footage back and editing this video; the way that he’s looking at Hongjoong right now is bound to be embarrassing.

“I’m legitimately so relieved that you like it,” Seonghwa admits as he turns off his filming equipment and starts cleaning up. Hongjoong is hopping in place and his hair is bouncing with him. 

“Do you have tape, tweezers, a razor, and red eyeshadow,” Hongjoong questions suddenly and urgently, as if they’ve found themselves in the midst of disaster and their lives depend on the combination of these items.

“Uh, yeah? Hold on.”

Seonghwa finds himself sitting on the bathroom counter, watching Hongjoong create a slit in one of his eyebrows in the shape of a sideways X. He fills in his brows with the only red-ish eyeshadow Seonghwa could find and Seonghwa thinks that this little side project ought to be illegal. It looks… hot. It suits him well. It’s so very Hongjoong. 

Seonghwa almost doesn't know what to do once they’re back in the living room, he’s just so glad that it went well and that he’ll have such a fun and special video to upload. Hongjoong is bouncing around in a circle, and seeing him this happy completely erases Seonghwa’s awkward feelings from earlier. Hongjoong crash lands on the couch.

“Okay time to check your pants mister,” he announces. 

“Excuse me?”

“Our bet? Our deal?” Hongjoong says, pretending to be offended.

“Oh yeah, that.” Seonghwa rolls his eyes and goes over to where Hongjoong is sitting. 

He stands in front of Hongjoong and spins around in a slow 360, Hongjoong inspecting his white pants for any stains from the hair dye. He raises his arms out as he rotates, and Hongjoong lightly grabs his knees to halt him. 

“Wait turn back around I think I saw something.” 

Seonghwa complies, turning until his ass is facing Hongjoong. 

“Oh- nope, nothing there.” 

When he cranes his neck around to look at Hongjoong he sees the redhead smirking. 

“Are you trying to insult me,” Seonghwa accuses, face ablaze at realizing that Hongjoong was checking out his ass. He spins back around. The only answer he receives is an impish laugh.

“I slave over your hair for hours and this is what I get in return.”

“I’m kidding I’m kidding I’m kidding,” Hongjoong whines, “Congratulations you’re freakishly clean and good at everything you do, you win, I owe you something.”

He tilts his chin up to meet Seonghwa’s gaze.

“What do you want me to do for you.”

The way Hongjoong asks it is, interesting. To say the least. This is _not_ an ideal position to be in while saying such things. From where Hongjoong sits and where Seonghwa stands, Hongjoong’s face is literally in line with Seonghwa’s crotch.

“You already do enough for me…,” Seonghwa says bashfully, trying not to sweat, trying to shut down some very obscene and forbidden thoughts. “Can I use it later?”

“Love how you’re acting like it’s a coupon now,” Hongjoong grumbles. 

“Why do I feel like this hair color is going to bring out your sass even more.”

Hongjoong giggles at this and it’s probably the most healing sound Seonghwa has ever heard.

Seonghwa sighs, appeased. “Could I take a picture of you to share on Instagram?”

Hongjoong says nothing and poses theatrically, arms lifted above his head like a supermodel. Seonghwa snorts. Hongjoong changes his pose to two finger hearts and a sweet smile. 

“Let me see,” he says as Seonghwa sits down next to him.

“Do you like them?”

“Yeah, they’re fine.”

“You look like Peter Pan,” Seonghwa comments, “or Ariel.” 

Hongjoong pretends to bite Seonghwa’s shoulder, and then wordlessly rests his head there. 

Seonghwa’s breath catches. He doesn’t understand why Hongjoong can get away with doing these little things but he can’t give a hug without causing a huge earth-shattering ordeal.

The comforting weight remains on Seonghwa’s shoulder as they go through all of the cat ears and bunny ears filters on the SNOW camera app and take selfies. They find a filter that makes them look as if they’re wearing clear raincoats with yellow polka dots, and Hongjoong copies Seonghwa by sticking out his tongue in a little blep for that one. 

“Send all those to me,” Hongjoong requests, holding his voice out at the end.

“Nah, think I’ll keep them for myself,” Seonghwa says, feeling kind of drowsy, feeling really relaxed. 

Hongjoong tries to grab Seonghwa’s phone but he’s not fast enough. Their laughter paired together sounds like a symphony and Seonghwa finds himself in this place yet again, where it feels like it’s truly just the two of them.

He feels so selfish lately, so greedy. He’s having _fun_. He truthfully doesn’t want Hongjoong to leave for the day. But he also feels a sliver of contentment as he reminds himself that he’s exceptionally lucky that Hongjoong makes time for him at all in his busy schedule. Lucky that Hongjoong makes him feel as if he could be worthy of love. 

//////////

Hongjoong is just minding his own damn business when he gets a text message from Seonghwa a few days later.

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

Surprise!

  
  


There’s a selfie underneath the text, and Seonghwa’s hair is now a similar brown to what Hongjoong’s had been, kind of dusty and light, and he has his palm by his face as if he’s saying “hi” and his lips are such a pretty pink and he’s looking like fucking _boyfriend material._

Seonghwa is really out here testing Hongjoong lately. He had just _barely_ survived the other day with the hair dye and the… hug. The two hugs, actually. Seonghwa had hugged him twice, on the couch. What if they would’ve kissed? Truly, what if? Hongjoong wouldn’t be alive right now, that’s what. Seonghwa had looked like he was going to kiss him and he certainly doesn’t want to assume that Seonghwa would even, like, think of that, but their noses had almost touched for fucks sake. 

Hongjoong had his arms wrapped around him, he _fell_ into those hugs, he was helpless in that situation. Why does Seonghwa always _smell so good?_ It’s so subtle, Hongjoong can’t tell if it’s an actual fragrance that Seonghwa puts on or if it’s just his natural… skin flavor? He’s losing his mind, he really forbids himself from thinking about this any further, it’s getting him ridiculously worked up. But now Seonghwa texts him a selfie? Just this alone is making Hongjoong sweaty. 

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

I never told you but I really liked your brown hair

I mean I think I told you that I liked your hair?

But I really liked the color 

And yeah you inspired me! Lol

**Hongjoong:**

omg!!!!!

it looks a lot better on you than it did on me :P

and i never told you that i rlly liked your blonde hair

**(seonghwa):**

Do you prefer the blonde or brown?

**Hongjoong:**

can’t choose ; A ; 

WAIT 

did u want to change my hair 

just so that u could then swoop in and steal my color ?!?

**(seonghwa):**

Lol no! I swear I didn’t think about it until after we did yours

**Hongjoong:**

mhm ok >.>

you’re like, exceptional with hair

**(seonghwa):**

Hardly 

My older sister went to beauty school 

She’s given me a lot of tips 

**Hongjoong:**

u did amazing with mineee 😤

**(seonghwa):**

Are you liking your new color?

  
  


Hongjoong shakes his head around a bit so that his hair falls partially in his eyes, takes a selfie, and sends it to Seonghwa. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

!!! YES i feel powerful

**(seonghwa):**

You’re my little strawberry ^_^

  
  


Okay well, fuck. So much for feeling powerful. That was one whole lie now. Hongjoong is grateful that he hadn’t been standing when he read that text because his knees probably would’ve given out. It takes him quite a few minutes to figure out how to even respond to that. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

stop i’m blushing

  
  


Soon after, Seonghwa sends another selfie, this time with no accompanying words. He’s doing a finger heart and holding it close to the corner of his grin. 

_Fuck._ Park fucking Seonghwa is so fucking gorgeous Hongjoong is mad. Enraged, even. 

Right as he’s contemplating if he should be creepy and save the selfies that Seonghwa sent, send another selfie back, or just call it a day and go lie down and cry, Hongjoong receives an unexpected string of text messages from Yeosang.

  
  


**(yeosang):**

Hey Hongjoong

Next week is Hwa’s birthday

April 3

Just thought you might want to know

We might do something to celebrate 

But if we do I guarantee he won't tell you until last minute

U know, he shy and stuff

  
  


Hongjoong gives a dry laugh. He really is not _that_ shy. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

yo thanks for letting me know!!

i hope we can do something special for him that would be fun

The wheels in Hongjoong’s head immediately start turning with thoughts on what sort of gift he could give to Seonghwa for his birthday. He would like to make something special for him. Like, low-key special. He lets his mind wander for a bit. 

Hongjoong takes another look at the last selfie that Seonghwa had sent.

Fine. He’s down to play this game. Hongjoong lowers himself onto his back on the couch and sticks his tongue out like a little brat for the photo and sends it to Seonghwa right away.

“Didn’t you just take a selfie 15 minutes ago,” Mingi, who’s in the kitchen, asks as he snacks on some tangerines. 

Hongjoong ignores him and before he knows it he and Seonghwa have this thing going where they’re sending each other selfies back and forth in approximately 30 minute intervals. 

They really said fuck words, just communicate with selfies. And Hongjoong isn’t mad about it. Definitely still mad at Seonghwa for being so gorgeous though.

It’s around 10:00PM when yet another picture from Seonghwa lights up Hongjoong’s phone. He has his fingers running through his new sandy brown hair and his chin is slightly tilted up and he’s looking right into the camera with a soft smirk on his face. He’s wearing a plain black t-shirt which must be his sleep shirt and the lighting is low but Hongjoong thinks he sees Seonghwa’s kitchen in the background. 

Is it creepy to just, stare at pictures of your friends? Hongjoong thinks that this whole thing can’t be very good for his blood pressure. 

Hongjoong is just lying in bed replying to emails, so he stays where he is and squishes his cheek into his pillow. He has the hood of his sweatshirt on over his head and he puckers his lips and takes the selfie like that. It’s pretty grainy because of the shitty lighting in his room but he eventually sends it.

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

Go to sleep 🌙✨

  
  


Hongjoong gets the text around 11:00PM, with no selfie this time. He really doesn't know what it is about Seonghwa trying to be responsible that makes him want to be annoying and defiant. 

He doesn't even wait five minutes before sending Seonghwa a short video clip of him rolling onto his back and saying “don’t wanna go to bed” in full pout. 

Hongjoong almost loses it when Seonghwa sends a little video clip right back. It looks as if he’s lying down in bed now too, and he took the video very close to his face, his voice somehow even softer than Hongjoong knows it to be. 

“You need sleep for your health. I want you to live a long time.” 

Hongjoong wants to say something witty in response, he really, really does, but his mind is blank. His mind has betrayed him. 

He rolls back onto his side, positions his phone, and hits the recording button.

“Want you to live long time too,” he mumbles, face pressed into his pillow, barely making him audible. He sends the video. 

Seonghwa is now lying on his side as well in the clip that he sends a few minutes later. 

“Sweet dreams Joong.”

Hongjoong just about throws his phone across the room. _Sweet dreams Joong?_ Seonghwa lounging in bed telling him to live a full life and have sweet dreams? Hongjoong’s life _is_ a dream right now.

At this point they probably should’ve just done FaceTime. _Why are we like this,_ Hongjoong thinks to himself. His brain is really fried at this point and he decides to choose peace with leaving things off here. He has instances where he feels dissatisfied with the extent that time allows him and Seonghwa to converse, and then he has occasions where he feels quite satisfied, this time being one of the latter. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

goodnight 🌙✨

  
  


And a few hours later Hongjoong is finally falling asleep, more thoughts of Seonghwa’s upcoming birthday dissolving alongside his consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone help these boys 😩
> 
> so I spent some time yesterday combing through chapters 1 - 6 fixing grammar mistakes and formatting and stuff! hopefully the story reads a tad bit smoother and fresher now ✨
> 
> AS ALWAYS, I’M CRYING, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR READING 💖💖💖
> 
> stay healthy, safe, and hopeful guys!! see you next chapter!!! 🥰
> 
> //////////
> 
> stuff in this chapter:  
> no specific asmr inspo this time (🍓hong inspired this one himself lol!)  
> mentioned songs + inspo songs: [tingles playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsenJSIypLny7PJCW9MaPCQacRSzNcTmG)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🌈 HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!!!! 🌈  
> ✊✊🏻✊🏼 Black Lives Matter ✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿  
> (rlly want you guys to know that you’re absolutely safe here and that I love and appreciate all of you and I’m here if you ever need someone)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys hi guys there’s alcohol in this chapter! there is drinking but it’s like drinking in tiny font tho tbh lmao!!
> 
> my bad that I don’t have lots of these little warnings in the main tags yet, I rlly ought to update the tags sooner than later! 💖
> 
> happy reading!!!

**(seonghwa):**

Can’t wait to see you tonight! 

  
  


Hongjoong reads the text again, as if he needs further confirmation that tonight is indeed the night that he and his friends are all gathering to celebrate Seonghwa’s birthday. 

He had texted “IM STRESSED” to Seonghwa earlier today, just wanting to blow off some steam and vent for just a second about some of his anxiety about work. He had not expected Seonghwa to send him all of the reassuring words that he did throughout the day, even though that sort of behavior is exactly what’s to be expected of Seonghwa. Hongjoong appreciated it a lot; Seonghwa had been very comforting, although Hongjoong is pretty sure that he had been bothering Seonghwa while he was most likely trying to clean up for his party. 

It’s around 7:00PM when Hongjoong, Mingi, and Yunho begin the trek over to Seonghwa and Yeosang’s place. Mingi is blabbering about his outfit concept and Yunho is pretending to be a news reporter because he’s actually a giant five-year-old. 

Hongjoong is just trying to quietly do some of his deep breathing exercises. One would think that he’d be used to this whole hanging-out-with-Seonghwa thing but no not really.

Seonghwa had extended Hongjoong’s invitation, letting him know that his roommates were more than welcome to come too, and Mingi and Yunho were down for it. Yunho and his little brother are familiar with Jongho’s YouTube channel so Yunho is excited to meet him at the party. 

Seonghwa had mentioned that it’s not going to be like a _party_ party or anything, and that they’re just going to hang out and whatever. Hongjoong had rolled his eyes at that; it’s exactly what Seonghwa would say about his own birthday celebration.

Hongjoong really is looking forward to having all of his friends meet up in one place at the same time, but the minute they step inside Seonghwa’s sanctuary he’s praying that Mingi and Yunho don’t break anything. 

Yeosang is the one to greet them at the front door, and Hongjoong introduces him to Mingi and Yunho as they remove their shoes in the entryway. 

There’s a handmade _Happy Birthday Mom_ banner hanging on the wall next to the television in the living room. San is already there with Wooyoung because they’re like best friends now. The two of them are sitting on the floor by the coffee table blowing up balloons, Jongho is chilling on the couch waving at Hongjoong and company with both hands, and Seonghwa is kneeling at the coffee table setting out paper plates and napkins. 

There’s some music playing, there’s snacks, drinks, pizza. Super cool, super chill. Hongjoong feels at home here in Seonghwa’s apartment which is kind of weird, kind of crazy. He definitely won’t admit it to anyone, ever.

“It’s Dad!” Wooyoung cheers as they make their way into the living room.

Hongjoong continues with all of the introductions, and Yunho starts chatting with Jongho right away about AppleCore Fitness. 

“Happy birthday,” Hongjoong says to Seonghwa, standing with his hands clasped together in front of him. 

Seonghwa smiles easily, peering up at Hongjoong. “Thanks for coming.” 

Seonghwa is wearing a fitted navy mock neck shirt, which is a rare, once-in-a-while occurrence for him, and Hongjoong thinks it’s pure evil of him to have haphazardly chosen such a modest garment, leaving everything up to the imagination. He looks great in it though, of course.

He stands up and straightens out his jeans, facing Hongjoong.

“Are you feeling any better?”

Hongjoong blinks. He’s nearly forgotten just how stressed out he was earlier in the day, now that he’s here in Seonghwa’s presence and amongst his friends.

He nods earnestly. “Oh, yeah, yeah I am.” 

Seonghwa cheerily claps his hands together a few times, small and soft. 

“Thank you, so much…,” Hongjoong adds, moving a bit restlessly as he does. 

“No need to thank me.”

It’s when Yeosang marches out of the kitchen with a large platter of chicken that the party truly begins, all eight of them suddenly ravenous. 

Seonghwa has his polaroid camera out and a shit ton of film packs and tells everybody to take as many pictures as they want tonight. It’s barely a half an hour later and there’s already a cryptid polaroid of Mingi looking like a fish out of water on the floor.

San and Wooyoung are taking advantage of Seonghwa’s offer, taking probably _too_ many selfie polaroids, their cheeks squished together so that they both fit in frame. Hongjoong isn’t even surprised that those two have clicked so well and so quickly. They’re kind of perfect for each other. 

Hongjoong doesn't know how it's possible for such a large human to already be buzzed but Mingi is singing Hakuna Matata now for some reason. It’s kind of difficult to tell when Mingi is sober or not though. Hongjoong does want to drink a little but he also doesn’t want to lose control of his body around Seonghwa.

Seemingly very entertained by Mingi’s randomness, Seonghwa starts singing along with him, but all gentle and airy, and Hongjoong is not coping with it well. He feels his phone vibrate.

  
  


**(sannieee):**

ur staring

and salivating 👅💦💦

you = 👁👅👁

  
  


He doesn’t text back and glares at San instead. 

They end up playing this chaotic animal game where everyone chooses an animal to represent and it’s all about keeping the rhythm and trying to remember everyone’s gestures for their animal of choice, and a game where they plug their ears and basically just scream at each other in order to guess what their teammate is trying to say. 

Hongjoong is kind of impressed by their combined attention span throughout the games, that is, until they attempt to play Mafia, and before long San and Wooyoung are showing off their dance cover of NCT U’s “Baby Don’t Stop”. It’s apparent that they’ve been practicing together because they both look damn sharp.

This inspires Mingi and Yunho to do their dance cover of “BOSS” by NCT U and there’s a great energy in the room, everyone hyping Mingi and Yunho up.

“So hot!” Seonghwa comments, everybody rolling at the way he says it. 

The pizza and chicken are long gone and they’re tearing through the snacks pretty quickly, too. The eight of them together are a force to be reckoned with and things are getting rambunctious.

San and Wooyoung appear to be playing a game of who can make who more jealous. The both of them sure do love physical fucking contact. San had been eyeing Wooyoung who was hanging all over Seonghwa sprinkling him with kisses on the cheek, which propelled San to cling to Mingi like a koala, which then prompted Wooyoung to bite Yunho’s ear who he had literally just met. It’s a whole mess. At one point both San and Wooyoung are spanking Hongjoong and he doesn’t know what’s happening honestly.

Hongjoong doesn't know if any of them expected Seonghwa’s birthday party to turn into a dance battle.

They move the coffee table out of the way to make more space for dancing and the combination of Soju and hip thrusts is a bit much for Hongjoong. He feels exceptionally flushed. 

Everybody is a little buzzed but not enough to affect their ability to dance apparently. Maybe it’s even enhancing their skills? Who knows. Hongjoong’s losing count of how many times all of them have hit the woah.

Hongjoong vaguely wonders if the music is too loud for the neighbors but Seonghwa seems unbothered. Knowing Seonghwa, he probably payed all of his neighbors a kind visit prior to this day and warned them that he would be having guests over for the evening. 

They lose their minds dancing to “Dumb Litty” by KARD, and have a very theatrical karaoke-esque moment singing to DREAMCATCHER’s “In the Frozen”. After straining their voices belting to TXT’s “Run Away”, they take a moment to hydrate, “Feel Special” by TWICE playing dreamily in the background as they do. 

Things get rowdy again when NCT 127’s “Kick It” comes on, and then Seonghwa dances to “Gotta Go” by Chung Ha. Hongjoong is about to bust a nut as he watches and he’s probably not the only one in the room too. He’d bet money that they’re all horny right now. It’s bad, it’s all bad. Seonghwa is a really phenomenal dancer how is it even possible for one human to be this excellent at life.

Hongjoong is trying not to dance too close to Seonghwa or throw it back on Seonghwa or do too many body rolls or anything but it’s damn well near impossible; Seonghwa is like a magnet. Hongjoong likes being close to Seonghwa just as much as he fears it. He has a feeling that he’ll be slut dropping alongside Yunho in no time if he’s not more attentive.

He can almost feel San staring him down before he swoops over, placing a tender hand on Hongjoong’s arm. 

“You’re dancing like a little hoe, weren’t you trying to be all careful and stuff?” San hisses under his breath.

Hongjoong sputters. “What- I- I _am_ being careful! I’m just dancing like I normally do.”

Wooyoung glides over to them and pokes San in the waist, making San rupture into a fit of giggles. He instinctively embraces Hongjoong and Wooyoung jumps in for some action too because of course he does. They make a San-Hongjoong-Wooyoung sandwich and both San and Wooyoung are kissing Hongjoong’s cheeks.

“Seonghwa help!” Hongjoong cries, wheezing because the kisses tickle. “Kick these assholes out of your party.”

Seonghwa comes over, looking a bit bashful, and San and Wooyoung stop their wriggling, resting their chins on Hongjoong’s shoulders.

“Save me,” Hongjoong pouts. He can feel his pulse in his ears. 

Seonghwa is looking at him. They’re just _staring_ and it’s kind of awkward but it’s almost kind of not because everything feels pretty good right now and Hongjoong feels like he’s gazing up at his prince charming.

Seonghwa is about to say something when Wooyoung interrupts with a smirk. 

“Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to touch what’s not ours.”

What… was that supposed to mean. Hongjoong looks at Wooyoung with his mouth wide open, and Wooyoung winks. 

Seonghwa doesn’t hear it though. Jongho was asking if he could change the song and Seonghwa didn't seem to catch Wooyoung’s remark. Hongjoong isn’t breathing. 

“What did you say?” Seonghwa asks Wooyoung after answering Jongho, his voice a bit skeptical. 

And Hongjoong doesn't get to hear any response because suddenly Yeosang is the one rescuing Hongjoong from the scene, pulling him into the kitchen. 

Hongjoong leans against the refrigerator and takes a moment to just catch his damn breath.

“You okay there buddy?” Yeosang asks. 

Hongjoong assures him that he’s perfectly fine, and Yeosang starts insisting that Hongjoong be the one to bring out Seonghwa’s birthday cake. It’s a super cute cake topped with loads of strawberries. Yeosang and Hongjoong stick candles into the empty spaces as Hongjoong imagines himself tripping and dropping it and fucking everything up.

The cake feels heavy in Hongjoong’s hands as he and Yeosang walk back out into the living room, nice and slowly, Yeosang staying by Hongjoong’s side. His heart is thumping as if he’s about to make some public speech or something, and Yeosang starts singing Happy Birthday.

Everyone claps animatedly at the cake being carried in by Hongjoong, and they all join Yeosang in singing to Seonghwa. Seonghwa looks flattered through and through, and Hongjoong focuses on making it over to where he’s standing, the flames of the candles a bit mesmerizing.

They end the little tune as loudly and obnoxiously as humanly possible, and Seonghwa is now grinning ear to ear. Hongjoong is standing there in front of Seonghwa, illuminated by the warm glow of the waxy lights, already preparing himself for how cute Seonghwa is about to look blowing out his birthday candles. 

“Pretty,” Seonghwa says softly, but he’s not looking at the cake. 

Hongjoong’s not sure who but someone coughs really loud.

Seonghwa blows out his candles and Wooyoung swipes a strawberry off of the cake and stuffs it in Seonghwa’s mouth. 

The birthday boy slices and serves up the cake, and they completely demolish it within minutes. Everyone’s noticeably calmer now; just chilling, just talking. 

Wooyoung, seemingly relentless, moves over to the couch to sit on Seonghwa’s lap and for some inhumane reason starts bouncing up and down like an unruly child. 

“Woo what the hell,” Seonghwa yelps, biting his lip and looking up towards the heavens for help. “Have you no mercy?”

“Oh my god whatever,” Wooyoung laughs. “You wouldn’t be complaining if it was Hongjoong on your lap.”

Okay, Hongjoong can't believe that _that_ was a thing that was just said.

Yunho gives a long, drawn out “ _Oh!_ ” as if it was the juiciest shit he’s heard all year. 

Yeosang looks like he’s fighting off a strong wave of secondhand embarrassment.

“Hongjoong, trade me places?” Wooyoung offers, looking mighty pleased with himself. “Only you have the power to mend Seonghwa’s balls!”

Everyone’s choking at this, Seonghwa is as red as Hongjoong’s hair, and Hongjoong really doesn’t know if he should be thanking Wooyoung or plotting to destroy him.

“Is that okay…? If I do that,” Hongjoong asks Seonghwa, clearly having lost some of his inhibition. It doesn't feel like his own voice in his throat. 

But fuck yes he wants to sit on Seonghwa. It would probably be more embarrassing if he acts all weird and _doesn’t_ play along with Wooyoung, so.

“If you want to,” Seonghwa says after a beat of silence.

Hongjoong teeters himself up and makes his way to where Seonghwa is seated and he hears San shriek and say something about how Seonghwa is getting lots of birthday cake tonight. He hears Mingi say “Eyy get it Korean Big Minion” and Jongho say “Oh no.”

He can’t look at anyone as he sits down on Seonghwa, he can only look at his knees as he squeezes them together. Just the sound and feeling of their jeans rubbing together as he slides back on Seonghwa’s lap is creating a bit of a problem for Hongjoong. His pants are feeling tighter and he’s not entirely sober and this is not great. 

Seonghwa places his arms around Hongjoong’s hips with utmost care. It’s sickening how perfectly they fit together like fucking lego pieces or something.

“Yay!” San exclaims. “Now give the birthday boy a lap dance!”

“Say what now?” Hongjoong squeaks, squirming a bit as he does. 

Seonghwa reflexively puts his hands on Hongjoong’s hips to hold him steady. Right- moving around too much on Seonghwa’s lap is what he’s trying _not_ to do.

“I would pay money to see,” Yunho announces. 

“I would leave,” Jongho says. 

“I would pay money to see Hwa spank Hongie’s ass,” San states plainly, nodding his head and shrugging a bit as if it’s some basic known scientific fact they’re discussing.

“Oh my dear god.”

Mingi smacks his lips. “Listen Hongjoong is a super sexual person he-”

San slaps his hand over Mingi’s mouth before anyone can blink but he’s cackling like crazy as he does. 

“Word around town is that Joong likes it rough, like _really_ rou-” 

Yunho’s mouth is covered by San’s other hand at lightning speed and Hongjoong is pretty sure that he’s _perishing_. 

They’re both not wrong but who let them have alcohol this shouldn’t be allowed. He hates San but also loves him for holding Mingi and Yunho back.

“Wow we’re learning a lot here today,” Yeosang says. 

“Throw a birthday party they said, it’ll be fun they said,” Jongho sighs. 

Wooyoung is looking Hongjoong up and down, seemingly thrilled and extremely impressed. “Damn, is this true Joong?”

Hongjoong is a bit numb, except for the feeling of Seonghwa pressing his forehead into Hongjoong’s back, as if he’s trying to hide. Hongjoong kind of wishes that he could see what Seonghwa looks like, because it’s probably pretty cute. 

By the grace of god Jongho starts singing, very beautifully, to the song that’s playing, which diverts the attention off of Hongjoong and his sex-related fun facts. He’s hyperaware of where Seonghwa’s hands are; either holding Hongjoong’s hips, or like now, his fingertips resting delicately on Hongjoong’s wrists. 

His mind flits back to when Seonghwa had hugged him on this very couch, the day he colored Hongjoong’s hair. It’s never been quite this electrifying, being so close to another human being. 

After a few subject changes amongst the group, Hongjoong feels Seonghwa shift a bit underneath him. 

“Hey Joong I gotta, uh, go pee… and check to make sure my balls are still there,” he semi-whispers. 

Hongjoong turns halfway around in his… seat. 

“Are- are you okay?”

Seonghwa nods. “I’m used to being bullied by Wooyoungie,” he says with a breathy laugh. “Are _you_ okay?”

“Yeah I’m…,” 

_Aroused and in pain._

“…good.” 

He could get up and follow Seonghwa to the bathroom. The others might not even notice if he does it stealthily enough. He wouldn’t even need to say anything, probably. He could just follow him to the bathroom and look him in the eyes and Seonghwa would know what he wants, right? Would it be that simple? Would Seonghwa want it, too? It’s not like Hongjoong hasn’t done this before. He wonders why he doesn’t get up. He wonders why he stays behind. 

////////////

Before long, Yeosang declares that it’s time to shower Seonghwa with birthday gifts, to which Seonghwa blushes, failing to convince them all that he doesn't need any presents. 

Mingi and Yunho brought snacks which is good enough, given the fact that this is their first time meeting Seonghwa. 

San’s present for Seonghwa is a gift card for Horizon Table and a mini eyeshadow palette, and Seonghwa looks so genuinely appreciative as San nuzzles into Seonghwa’s side to hug him. Some people just aren’t prone to reacting much when given gifts, but Seonghwa is almost an overreacter. 

Yeosang and Jongho got Seonghwa something called a 3Dio FS Binaural Microphone and Seonghwa just about passes out or bursts into tears, it’s hard to tell which one. Hongjoong recognizes it from some other ASMRtists’ videos; it’s a mic that looks like it has two ears on either end. 

Seonghwa really is giving hugs to each person after opening their gifts and Hongjoong’s heart is drumming.

Wooyoung’s present is a red leather rib cage harness. 

“Is this just one of your old harnesses that you don't wear anymore?” Seonghwa grins as he untangles the gift. 

“Excuse me _no_ I bought this just for you out of the kindness of my heart!” Wooyoung says.

“Where’s the tag.”

“I took the initiative to remove it for you, you don't need to see how expensive it was,” Wooyoung explains, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Hongjoong feels sweaty. What he would give to see Seonghwa wear that harness over one of his stupidly low-cut shirts. 

Hongjoong needs to be more fucking careful what he wishes for because a moment later everyone’s urging Seonghwa to try on the harness. So he does, Wooyoung helping him adjust it so that it’s tight around his torso. It looks fucking hot on top of his mock neck shirt, Hongjoong isn’t hating the mock neck so much anymore. 

Seonghwa is blushing sweetly as everyone throws gaudy compliments at him, except for Hongjoong, who, for very good reasons, cannot speak. Seonghwa keeps the harness on. 

“Who’s left for gifts? Hongjoong?” Jongho questions. 

Hongjoong has to clear his throat to make sure his voice still works.

“Ah, it’s really just something small, it's not much.”

Hongjoong hands Seonghwa a little box, quickly retracting his fingers as if he’d been brushed by a flame. 

Seonghwa opens it with care and places the contents of the box on top of his open palm. It’s a wispy earring with a single chain, a tiny silver star hanging at the tail end. 

“I, uh, have the matching one,” Hongjoong says, running his fingers against the dangly earring in his right earlobe. 

Someone whispers “ _gay_.”

Seonghwa looks up from the earring in his hand to the one that Hongjoong is wearing and the realization and delight in his expression is precious. Hongjoong wishes that he could’ve captured it in a photograph. Seonghwa takes out the earring that he has on and replaces it with Hongjoong’s gift right away. 

“Thank you, I love it. I’ll wear it a lot.” 

Hongjoong tries so hard to contain his smile, because Seonghwa isn't trying at all to hide his. 

“Um-”

It’s an almost comical shuffle as Hongjoong, who’s sitting on his knees, leans forward in response to Seonghwa kind of opening out his arms. 

They hug but for a nanosecond. Hongjoong wonders if it would’ve lasted longer if they wouldn't have had an audience. 

Seonghwa thanks everyone again for their gifts profusely, and as they all fall back into conversation, he asks Hongjoong if he will take a polaroid selfie with him, as if it’s some enormous request that Hongjoong might say no to. Hongjoong scoots next to Seonghwa on the floor by the couch and they take the photo, with their matching earrings. The polaroid slowly develops, revealing an image of Hongjoong resting the side of his forehead against Seonghwa’s cheek. It’s a very cute picture. 

Sighing, Hongjoong places his head down on Seonghwa’s shoulder, which is one of his new favorite things to do. He’s vaguely aware that he’s giggling at nothing in particular and that Seonghwa’s hand has landed lightly on his thigh. Maybe he’s giggling at that. Seonghwa removes his hand after a few minutes though, when he leaps up to chase Wooyoung around the room after seeing him mess with the eyeshadow palette from San.

While everyone watches the frenzy, San does a fucking secret agent spy somersault over to Hongjoong and starts hissing in his ear yet again.

“You guys masochists or something? The sexual tension is _killing me_ just go suck him off in the bathroom already.”

“Jesus- fuck, San,” Hongjoong hisses back. “Don’t say those things I’m fragile.”

“You are not fragile we both know that,” San replies, looking just about done with Hongjoong’s bullshit. 

“You were thinking about it don’t even lie to me.”

“It’s scary how right you are about things,” Hongjoong admits, grumbling. 

“Why aren’t you out here getting your dick?” San whines, sounding genuinely concerned.

“Because it’s not just dick! It’s Seonghwa,” Hongjoong blurts, almost too loudly, and he feels the weight of what he’s just said a little too late.

San’s eyes are sparkling. “Knew it. You’re in lo-”

“What?” 

The voice comes from Seonghwa, as he sits back down next to Hongjoong, a little bit out of breath. 

“What,” Hongjoong repeats dumbly, heart in his throat. 

“Did you say my name? Thought I heard my name,” Seonghwa says. 

“Oh! Yeah. We were,” Hongjoong gulps, “just saying how it’s your birthday. And how fun that is, for it to be your birthday, today, and that you’re the birthday boy, and other things.” 

The whole affair blows over much to Hongjoong’s relief, but not before San gives him a severely pointed and all-knowing look.

As if he wasn’t already struggling enough, Hongjoong loses at Rock Paper Scissors and he and Yeosang have to finish off the last couple shots of Soju. Hongjoong had felt just the right amount of floaty all evening and hadn’t planned on drinking any more, but you can't fight against the results of Rock Paper Scissors, you just can’t. 

It’s some early hour in the morning as Hongjoong swallows his punishment, throat burning as he does. Everyone’s wiped out, but trying their best to help Seonghwa throw away trash in the living room and gather themselves up to return to their respective homes. 

“I mean, you guys are welcome to just stay the night here? I don’t mind at all,” Seonghwa offers, but the majority of them have work in a handful of hours and none of them are hammered or anything. Hongjoong still feels as though a group sleepover might be more convenient and safe, though. 

Everyone seems pretty set on leaving for the night, and Hongjoong finds it kind of uncomfortable. Even Yeosang, who’s going home with Jongho. Hongjoong would be the only one to stay if he chooses to, and what would that… mean? For some reason it feels like it would be less of a burden for Seonghwa if Hongjoong wasn’t the only one a little bit interested in staying over.

Ultimately, they all decide to leave for the night, at least for this time. They begin collecting their things, leaving the living room behind, polaroid pictures scattered all over the floor.

After successfully tying his shoes, Hongjoong leans his back against the wall in the apartment’s entryway, feeling as though his body is sailing, tied to a bundle of birthday balloons. With heavy eyelids, he adjusts the neckline of his long-sleeve tie-dye tee. Is there music still playing? He’s not sure. Seonghwa is resting his shoulder on the wall right beside him. Hongjoong just stands in his spot, turning his head to the side to look at Seonghwa, for the one-thousandth time this evening, and Seonghwa looks back. Hongjoong doesn't mind being lost, if he’s lost in Seonghwa’s gaze. Very suddenly, one of Seonghwa’s gentle hands is in Hongjoong’s hair. 

“Your hair got messed up Joong.”

“Oh, oops.”

“Happy birthday,” Hongjoong adds, because he isn't sure if he had said it already when he first arrived, or if he had when they were all singing to Seonghwa, or if it had all been a part of his imagination. 

Seonghwa smiles, squinting his eyes closed as he does. He had been a little extra giggly tonight, a bit clumsier than usual, but he seems to hold his alcohol well.

He’s close. He’s really, really close. His lips look so soft, disastrously soft. They look like little pink pillows, like sticky red hot candy. Hongjoong wonders what Seonghwa’s lip would feel like between his teeth, wonders how warm his breath would be. Hongjoong is slowly leaning forward because Seonghwa isn’t breaking their gaze and it’s moments like these that’ll be running circles through his mind later, that’ll be carving out sculptures in his dreams, so he has to capture this one, this moment, as if it could be their last. The space in between them is shrinking and it’s really no fair Seonghwa has gotten to touch Hongjoong’s hair so many times now; his fingers belong in Hongjoong’s hair. Hongjoong wants to run his fingers through Seonghwa’s hair. Hongjoong wants Seonghwa to pull his hair too hard and he wants to make Seonghwa feel good and he wants Seonghwa to use him-

“Uh, Hongie, you staying here or…?”

Six pairs of eyes are staring at Seonghwa and Hongjoong. 

It’s quiet. Someone coughs. Whoever’s been coughing at inconvenient moments all night needs to eat a damn cough drop already.

Hongjoong is kind of leaning up against Seonghwa now and Seonghwa is just letting him do it and his hand is still in Hongjoong’s hair and he’s biting his lip really hard, like the hardest Hongjoong has ever seen him do it, almost like he’s holding himself back from something. How strange. Hongjoong is intrigued but people are asking him things. A voice asked him a question.

Seonghwa’s hand falls away and Hongjoong stumbles backwards. 

“Huh?”

“So you’re staying now?” Mingi asks. 

“Oh, fuck, I- no I had- decided I should go too, if everyone else is going,” Hongjoong splutters, “was waiting on you guys to tie your damn shoes.”

Yeosang face palms, and Hongjoong doesn’t know why San has to stand there looking so fucking disappointed in him as if he’s some deadbeat dad or something.

They bid Seonghwa farewell, and Hongjoong feels a little ghost of regretfulness hover behind him. He wishes that Seonghwa was easier to read. Or that he himself was a better reader.

Did Seonghwa want everybody to spend the night, or was he just offering that to be nice? When it comes down to it, even if it would’ve been convenient to stay, Hongjoong kind of really doesn't want to be under the influence of alcohol while spending any extended time with Seonghwa. Leaving is probably the responsible choice. 

Hongjoong doesn’t want things to be awkward between them though, any more awkward than things already are at least. He doesn’t want Seonghwa to feel lonely, so he whips out his phone as he, Mingi, Yunho, Yeosang, Jongho, San, and Wooyoung amble down the darkened sidewalk. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

hiiiii

**(seonghwa):**

Hey

**Hongjoong:**

texting an walk is dangerous

**(seonghwa):**

Please be careful 🥺

**Hongjoong:**

why do i still feel fucked up

**(seonghwa):**

Because you’re small

**Hongjoong:**

shut up ill fight you

**(seonghwa):**

You’re so cute

**Hongjoong:**

don’t say stuff like that while i’m like this

**(seonghwa):**

Why not

**Hongjoong:**

because im out of my fucking mind

  
  


He’s being a _little_ dramatic, sure, but that last shot does seem to be hitting him after the fact. At least he doesn’t need anybody to help hold him up. His vision blurs a little if he moves his head too fast and for the most part it feels as if anxiety is a thing that was never invented. 

His phone starts ringing.

“Hi,” he answers, sniffling his nose. 

“You are so dramatic,” Seonghwa’s voice pours out from the other end, almost as if he had read Hongjoong’s mind. “I don’t trust you walking and texting and not injuring yourself.”

“Oh my god are you talking on the phone with Hwa just get married already.”

Hongjoong shoves whoever the hell just said that into Yunho and they both almost timber. 

“You really could’ve just stayed here if you’re still not feeling 100%,” Seonghwa continues, not sounding as if he had heard the remark. 

“I didn’t want to be the only one to stay and make things weird,” Hongjoong replies. 

“It wouldn’t have been weird?” Seonghwa says. 

“Did you want me to stay?”

There’s a silence on the other end of the call, just a static that’s oddly soothing. 

Hongjoong speaks a little lower. “Did you want me?”

Those words feel weird in his mouth. They feel loose and wild.

“Hwa?” Hongjoong says. 

“Y-Yes.”

Mingi squawks like a bird and Hongjoong’s train of thought escapes him. 

“Uh, wait, what were we talking about,” he giggles, pressing his free hand to his forehead. “Wow I’m a dizzy boy.”

“Did you have a fun time,” Seonghwa asks in a soft voice; softer than silk, softer than snow. 

“Yeah I did I’m so glad everyone seems to vibe with each other,” Hongjoong says, with random emphasis on the word _glad_.

“Yeah, same, we should hang out more often.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Hongjoong, Mingi, and Yunho part ways with the others, saying goodbye to them at a hushed traffic light.

“What are you doing right now,” Hongjoong asks as they continue on down the road, lampposts guiding them. 

“Just cleaning up a little bit but I’m gonna lie down soon,” Seonghwa responds. 

“Are you tired?”

“Not really but it’s late it’s like 2:00AM.”

“I’m not tired either. What was your favorite part of your birthday?”

“Probably hearing you sing and rap,” Seonghwa says after thinking for a moment, to which Hongjoong snorts. 

“What was your favorite part?” Seonghwa asks. 

“Um, I’m embarrassed. I don’t know, it was all great,” Hongjoong replies, fiddling with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I like- I like the gift Wooyoung got you…,” he adds. 

“Oh. You like that?”

“Yeah.”

There’s a loud silence as Hongjoong tries to digest the fact that he just told Seonghwa that he likes what Seonghwa looks like in a ruby red leather harness, and while he, Mingi, and Yunho fumble around and use their last collective brain cell to find the key to get inside their apartment. Seonghwa stays on the line while they sort themselves out. 

“It’s time to brush my teeth but I don’t know if I can,” Hongjoong says once he’s inside, speaking in pout as if it’s his only talent. 

“Please try. Do you want me to hang up now?” Seonghwa asks gently. 

“No! Stay.”

“Okay.”

Seonghwa, the loyalest of friends, stays on the line and listens to Hongjoong brush his teeth and hiccup here and there. 

“I feel good Seonghwa.” 

“Oh… that’s- that’s good?”

“Yeah. I feel so sleepy now.”

“Okay, that’s great. I really hope you sleep well.”

“I’m in bed now are you?”

“Um yes.”

“I’ve been to your house so many times but never seen your bedroom.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s nothing special really. Kinda plain like the rest of the place.”

“ _Plain?_ ” Hongjoong gushes. “Your place isn’t plain it’s gorgeous, it’s gorgeous, just like you.”

There’s silence on the other end yet again. Hongjoong breathes. 

“Oh fuck oh shit did I just say something dumb,” he says, rolling onto his back. “I’m not in my right mind right now I’m not in my-”

“Are you sure that you’re tired Hongjoong?” Seonghwa asks, laughing lightly. 

“I swear I promise I wouldn’t lie to you,” Hongjoong pleads, laughing too. But even the laughing takes effort. He can’t hold the phone to his ear anymore.

“Fuck I’m tired….”

“Go to sleep Hongjoong.” 

“Okay….”

“Sweet dreams Joong.”

“Sweet… swe….” 

He doesn’t even have the chance to fantasize about what it might’ve been like, had he stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone help these boys pt. 8  
> also eyy 8 makes 1 team
> 
> LISTEN I WANTED TO HAVE A GROUP SLEEPOVER I WANTED HJ TO SPEND THE NIGHT TRUST MEEEE pls don’t hate me too bad but also feel free to scold me in the comments 😂😭😂😭 POOR HWA I mean I could be wrong but I think he wanted everyone to stay the night… :')
> 
> this was a mess but,,,,, next chapter might make up for it tho 👀
> 
> THANK U FOR READING!!! 🌟
> 
> //////////
> 
> all songs mentioned in this chapter can be found on the [tingles playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsenJSIypLny7PJCW9MaPCQacRSzNcTmG)  
> and [party 4 u](https://youtu.be/fKrTCGGEiWY) by charli xcx was the backbone of this chapter 💦💦💦
> 
> //////////
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> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	9. Chapter 9

The 2:00AM birthday phone call is a thing that Hongjoong has thought about quite a few times, in order to recall if it had been real, and he’s now doing both an outstanding job at completely ignoring it and not mentioning it. Seonghwa is, too. They make a great team. 

All of them had been a little buzzed that night, so yeah. Exactly the reason why Hongjoong refuses to get his hopes up over Seonghwa casually having texted _You’re so cute_ that evening too. 

He thinks he might’ve slipped up a little, thinks he might’ve said something about what _he_ genuinely thinks about Seonghwa’s appearance, but he’s not going to let himself stress about it. Friends can totally say things like that to each other. In fact they should, it’s imperative to compliment friends. He tells San all the time that he’s the most handsome boy on the planet and Mingi that he has the prettiest smile and Yunho that his dancing is sexy. And he can think up tons of compliments for Yeosang, Jongho, and Wooyoung as well. It’s fine, it should be fine. 

Trying to convince himself of things is becoming exhausting so ultimately Hongjoong just drops it. It’s becoming exhausting in general though, too. He’s becoming more and more comfortable around Seonghwa despite the inevitable awkwardness he feels due to his own feelings and he just feels a lot lately and Seonghwa is coming over today for the first time. 

They have a couple of things on the agenda, the main thing being Seonghwa helping out with some spring cleaning around the apartment. Seonghwa has also agreed to help model a few clothing pieces and accessories for Hongjoong’s online shop. San has helped Hongjoong out with this from time to time and Hongjoong finds that he has a lot more creative control taking photos of others, rather than modeling his stuff himself and using the self-timer on his camera. 

Seonghwa shows up at his front door at 3:00PM with a gentle smile and a duffel bag full of cleaning supplies. As if peasants like Hongjoong don’t own feather dusters and toilet bowl brushes. 

Hongjoong is scarfing down a late lunch as he stands in the doorway, offering a small “Hi” to Seonghwa with a mouth full of kimchi fried rice.

“So most of this place can’t… actually be cleaned. Like, there's no way to clean it,” Hongjoong explains after welcoming Seonghwa inside and ungracefully tossing his empty bowl into the kitchen sink. 

Seonghwa stares at him, looking as if it’s not possible for the words “no way” and “clean” to exist in the same sentence. 

He chooses not to comment, and scopes out the living room some more instead. 

“You don’t have a space for work?” he asks. 

Hongjoong shakes his head. “A lot of it ends up out here because we just have my room and Mingi’s room, or- Mingi and Yunho’s room.” 

He fiddles with his earrings absentmindedly, wondering how far he should open up this can of worms. 

“Yeah they’re uh, I don’t know if you could tell at your party but they’re really close. They’ve known each other for so long, I think they’re afraid of ruining their friendship or something, and their families aren’t very open-minded…,” he sighs, “it’s just, a lot, so they’re not like, together, but they are? Kinda like Yeo and Jongho but at least those two have confessed to each other.”

Hongjoong gulps. His throat is dry. 

“Oh, that’s, yeah,” Seonghwa responds plainly, blinking. “Yeah I see what you mean. Hopefully everything works out for them.”

“They’ll be fine,” Hongjoong says breezily, moving back over to the kitchen to grab something to drink. “Anyway, uh, so yeah it’s a fucking mess. You got any magic tricks up your sleeve?”

“Yes. Just show me what I shouldn’t touch or what I should be careful around,” Seonghwa says, rolling up his sleeves. 

He starts by cleaning all of the windows in the living space, and Hongjoong focuses on labeling some packages for orders that are ready to be shipped off so that they can clean the floor after that stuff is out of the way. 

They listen to Seonghwa’s K-pop girl groups & soloists playlist, and the way he sings along quietly and stops to dance a little every now and then is wretchedly adorable. 

Hongjoong just sits on the floor and watches his own soul detach itself from his body and float out the open window when Seonghwa pretty much nails all of the lyrics to BIBI’s “Kazino”. The song actually has a really sad story in all seriousness, but Hongjoong was just- not at _all_ prepared to hear Seonghwa sing the words bitch and pussy. He has an incredible voice though, holy hell.

The two of them talk about concepts for Mars ASMR and Hongjoong takes the opportunity to suggest some really stupid and crude video ideas that have Seonghwa throwing dust rags and sponges at him in disapproval. 

All teasing aside, Hongjoong is honored that Seonghwa is asking him if he has any ideas for his YouTube channel. 

“Maybe you could paint my nails for a video?” Hongjoong suggests as he writes out an address, pen cap between his teeth. 

Seonghwa narrows his eyes at first, probably expecting Hongjoong to add some sort of weird twist to the idea, but ends up agreeing to it, saying that it sounds fun and different and that they should totally plan to film that one. 

For the most part though, Seonghwa is pretty quiet as he bops around the place, cleaning and leaving miracles in his wake. Two hours later, both the living room and the kitchen are sparkling and lemony-fresh, besides the inevitable disarray of Hongjoong’s art supplies. 

Hongjoong showers Seonghwa in thank yous as he freshens up his makeup for the mini photo shoot for Hearts Awakened. Hongjoong has two reformed shirts, two bomber jackets, a belt, a hat, and a few pieces of jewelry for Seonghwa to model, and they head out back behind the apartment complex where there’s a plain, semi-grungy wall to take photos in front of. 

Hongjoong is trying not to melt at seeing Seonghwa wear these items that he worked so hard on and put his heart and soul into. 

“This isn't Vogue, Seonghwa,” he comments jokingly from behind the viewfinder, after realizing that Seonghwa is getting _way_ too into his role and, in all actuality, is probably meant to be a model.

“This isn’t a circus either,” Seonghwa teases, referring to the eccentric positions Hongjoong is performing in order to get interesting angles for the photos. 

Hongjoong sticks his tongue out at him. “Really though, chill out, my stuff is not haute couture.”

In response, Seonghwa starts posing like some sort of exotic bird, until Hongjoong threatens to whip out his phone and share it on social media. 

They’re on a roll, getting stuff checked off of their to-do list, and it’s going on 8:00PM when they’re rushing off to the post office before it closes, Seonghwa helping Hongjoong carry the packages that he prepared earlier, catching the tail end of the sunset as they do. 

They stop by the convenience store for some snacks and beverages on their way back, and as the dusk is settling in, they spot a familiar face. 

It’s the crying kid, unmistakably. Alone again, leaning up against a storefront on the block up ahead that Hongjoong and Seonghwa are now approaching. 

“Oh my god,” Seonghwa says, stopping in his tracks. He and Hongjoong look at each other. 

Seonghwa’s eyes appear heartbroken, as if he had grown to care even more about this child from the time that they had first encountered him. 

“We need to find out his name somehow…,” Seonghwa almost whispers, looking up ahead again at the small figure alone in the dark. 

They continue walking on, but cautiously now. 

This is… tricky. If they had his name, they could probably report him somehow and possibly get him some help, or at least have his situation looked into. But no kid should ever give out their full name so easily to a stranger. The boy had hardly managed to look up at Seonghwa and Hongjoong the first time, Hongjoong doubts they’ll be able to get any information from him. 

“Hello,” Seonghwa tries, very, very gently as they make it to where the kid is standing. They notice that he isn't crying this time. 

To both of their surprise, the child does glance up at them, only to quickly look back down towards his sneakers. 

“How are you? Are you okay?” Seonghwa asks. 

The boy shuffles around but says nothing, eventually nodding his head a bit.

“We can try to help you, if you want? So that you won’t have to cry so much anymore, or be alone. Crying isn't fun, right Hongjoong?” 

Hongjoong looks from Seonghwa to the kid, nodding his head willingly. “Yeah, crying always gives me a headache. We- we think it would be great if you weren’t alone.”

“Name’s Kim Kyong.” 

The voice comes from a woman, standing behind them and leaning up against a broom. She’s wearing a messy bun in her hair and a dark green apron. 

“He hangs out around here often while his guardian, I believe it’s his uncle, does who knows what.”

Hongjoong and Seonghwa stare at the woman, soaking in every word she’s offering them. Kyong himself continues to ignore all of them, waiting so very patiently beneath the flickering street lights. 

“Kid’s always in the same clothes, always crying. I give him pastries and ice cream sometimes,” she says, gesturing at the building behind her, which looks to be a small family-run market. “Don’t know much about his situation but I know enough. I’ve called the authorities several times.”

Hongjoong and Seonghwa exchange another look, and the woman with the broom gives a deep sigh. 

“If you two feel inclined to do so, it might help having more call ins on this kid. Might get him closer to having a safer place to live and folks that care for him right.”

Seonghwa nods eagerly. “Definitely, absolutely, thank you so much.”

“Has he eaten today?” Hongjoong asks. 

“I personally haven’t given him anything, was going to dig around in the back for something soon though.”

“Could we please buy him a meal?” Hongjoong questions further, Seonghwa looking from him to the woman and nodding in agreement. 

“You sure can.”

Once inside the quaint market, Seonghwa starts filling their shopping basket with loads of food as if he’s ready to adopt the kid, until Hongjoong mentions softly that they should maybe be a little more discreet. 

Together they settle on a ham sandwich, an apple, and a small carton of chocolate milk.

“Take care,” Seonghwa tells Kyong as he sets the bag of food down next to him. 

//////////

Seonghwa calls the authorities on their way back to Hongjoong’s place. There isn’t all that much to say; they only ask for the name and age of the victim in question, details about his appearance, the whereabouts, and the gist of the suspected situation. Both Seonghwa and Hongjoong feel hopeful though, especially after seeing that there is someone else who’s aware of Kyong’s circumstances. If no one else is going to hold on to hope for Kyong, then at least the three of them will. 

Along with the food for Kyong, on a whim, they also bought ingredients for baking cookies. Seonghwa had cleaned the oven which made Hongjoong realize that he hardly ever uses it these days. He doesn't want Seonghwa’s care and hard work to go to waste; doesn’t want to take it for granted. 

Hongjoong tells Seonghwa that he’s not allowed to help with the cookies because Seonghwa has done everything today and if he really wants to help, he can simply read out the instructions from the recipe that they found online. 

He orders Seonghwa to go rest on the couch but Seonghwa ignores him and sits on the kitchen counter instead. Hongjoong doesn’t know shit about baking cookies but it can’t be all that hard, it’s just cookies. He feels like Seonghwa is sitting there judging him, and maybe making sure that he doesn't get egg shells in the dough, rather than keeping him company.

Hongjoong succeeds at throwing all of the ingredients into a bowl, even he can do that much, but the dough is becoming thicker and more difficult to stir the more he whacks at the mixture with a large wooden spoon. 

“What the fuck, where’s Jongho when you need him,” Hongjoong whines, pausing to shake out his wrist. 

Laughing, Seonghwa hops off of the counter and comes up behind Hongjoong, and in one fluid motion he reaches around Hongjoong and places his hand on top of his, helping him stir. 

Hongjoong can almost sense that Seonghwa is about to ask if this is okay, but he seems to stop himself, says nothing, and stays where he is, and it’s incredible how fast Hongjoong’s mind starts thinking unspeakable things.

“Yay, teamwork…,” Hongjoong says with a lame laugh. He mentally kicks himself and tries to keep his shit together. 

But damn, it feels… nice. Having Seonghwa this close. His chin has the perfect potential to rest in the crook of Hongjoong’s neck. If only he would take one step closer, his body would be flush up against Hongjoong’s back…. 

The ingredients in the bowl are pretty much combined now, like, it’s stirred. It’s fucking stirred. That’s cookie dough if Hongjoong’s ever seen it. And yet they’re still standing there, mixing, Seonghwa’s fingers nearly laced with his own. 

Hongjoong decides in an instant that he really does not care if he’s about to be a little slut right now. 

He turns around in place to face Seonghwa, who actually stays right where he is, practically pinning Hongjoong in place against the countertop. Hongjoong simply looks up at him, and licks the dough stuck to the wooden spoon, seeing if he’ll say anything. 

He’s holding his expression in neutral, keeping his eyes on Seonghwa as he does it, because why exactly is Seonghwa coming up behind him like this. What’s this all about. Hongjoong is not letting him get away with this. 

Seonghwa is just peering down, watching him do it, so Hongjoong licks it again, but slow.

Seonghwa’s mouth actually hangs open ever so slightly. His eyes flit from the spoon up to Hongjoong’s, just watching, not shying away at all, which is honestly kind of turning Hongjoong on. 

He crosses his free arm over his chest and offers the spoon to Seonghwa wordlessly. 

Seonghwa, just as silently, and just as deliberately, leans in and licks some cookie dough off of the spoon, and Seonghwa’s tongue is… an entity. A living creature of its very own. 

Hongjoong is now thinking, very vividly, about Seonghwa’s tongue in some very specific ways and in some very specific places and okay time to _not_ freak the fuck out.

Except apparently it is because so much happens at once.

Seonghwa proceeds to _lick his lips_ , Hongjoong drops the spoon, his finger muscles or whatever the fuck are inside fingers just _gives out_ and he drops the spoon, clanking on the kitchen floor. And then Mingi walks in shouting something about how a few of his cousins are coming over to play video games? Hongjoong has no fucking clue.

“Hi Mingi!” Seonghwa says cheerfully, sweetly, but Hongjoong catches the waver in his voice. Seonghwa has jumped back a few steps, as if burned by a flame. 

Hongjoong’s heart is racing and he reaches down to pick up the spoon, only to find that Seonghwa is attempting to do the very same. The both of them are crouching down in the kitchen, their hands outstretched for the spoon at the same time. They freeze and stare at each other.

“What- what do we do next…. For the recipe,” Hongjoong asks, voice scratchy. 

“We put it in…,” Seonghwa replies breathlessly, “…put the cookies in the oven.” 

Dear god this is not happening. Hongjoong’s mind must be playing tricks on him. 

Seonghwa retreats his hand, letting Hongjoong snatch the spoon off the floor. 

The cookies finish baking around ten minutes later and Hongjoong is still kind of shook by what happened. He’s not sure where them licking the dough off of a spoon was leading to, and he’s certainly not in the mood for small talk with Mingi’s cousins, whenever they’re going to arrive. 

“We can eat it on my bed,” Hongjoong says, grabbing the plate of cookies and quickly regretting his choice of words.

“Bedroom. We can chill, and eat, in my room,” he rectifies. 

They watch Jongho’s latest workout video on YouTube while lounging on Hongjoong’s bed and munching on the cookies. Hongjoong takes a selfie of them stuffing their faces and tags Jongho in it. He can’t help but wonder what some of Seonghwa’s subscribers will think of this particular photo. Quite a handful of them have found Hongjoong’s Instagram and have followed him, it’s actually pretty wild. The picture is grainy but there is some light coming from Hongjoong’s iPad, and their faces are kind of close. 

Seonghwa is now holding on to Hongjoong’s Minion plushie in one arm and a blue shark plushie in the other and is softly singing “Baby Shark”. His sandy brown hair is kind of wavy today and his sweater is lavender. Hongjoong wants to ask Seonghwa who gave him the right to be so cute. He also wants to ask Seonghwa if he has anywhere to be, if it’s alright for him to be staying so late, but he’s afraid he’ll end up reminding Seonghwa of something and he’ll have to leave. 

They’ll have to resume the spring cleaning extravaganza and work on the bathroom and Hongjoong’s room some other time because neither of them are budging from the comfort of Hongjoong’s bed at this point. 

“My belly hurts,” Hongjoong groans mildly, curling up on his side. 

Seonghwa turns his eyebrows up and in. “Why did you eat so many cookies.”

“Because yummy.”

“You need adult supervision.”

“Says the guy who was just singing Baby Shark….”

Seonghwa throws the shark plush at him. 

“Are you cold?” Hongjoong asks. They’re just lying on top of the covers of his bed, a comfortable gap separating their bodies.

“Um, a little.”

“Here.” 

Hongjoong doesn’t want to force Seonghwa under the actual covers of his bed and make him uncomfortable or anything, so he grabs the throw blanket at the end of his bed and places it over them. 

“Is your stomach going to be okay? Want me to get you some water?” Seonghwa questions as he adjusts himself under the blanket, his voice silky smooth. 

“It’s okay, I think it will be okay.” 

They spend quite a bit of time watching some travel vlogs and chatting throughout them, dreaming about all of the places they’d like to visit someday. 

“Do you ever watch your own ASMR to relax?” Hongjoong asks, trying to ignore the fact that they’ve steadily continued to sink down further in bed, both of their heads now lying on top of Hongjoong’s pillow. 

“Oh my god no no no, I’d rather not clean for an entire week than do that,” Seonghwa replies, sounding distraught. 

“Wow, dramatic,” Hongjoong says. “How am I supposed to get sleepy if I can’t watch your ASMR?”

“We can watch someone else’s?”

“No,” Hongjoong whines, drawing out his voice at the end.

“You literally have me right here why do you need to watch one of my videos.”

Hongjoong pokes Seonghwa in the side. 

Seonghwa pokes him back and he snorts. He’s ticklish, but he’s not about to let Seonghwa find that out. The gap between them is kind of gone now which is, quite something, and he hears Seonghwa’s voice close to his ear.

“I could sing if you want?” 

“…Sing?” Hongjoong asks flimsily. 

“Yeah, like, a song. Like a lullaby…,” Seonghwa says, with a hint of hesitation. 

“Oh. That would, that would be nice.”

After a few seconds of quietude, Seonghwa inhales gently. 

_“Looking for star, looking for love_

_You are my only star_

_Forever I will make you shine_

_Forever you’re my heart.”_

Seonghwa stops.

First off, Hongjoong is _red_. He’s pretty sure he’s emitting actual steam. In the darkness of the room he stares at Seonghwa. He can't even blink, his mouth is surely hanging wide open. 

Hongjoong’s mind is reeling. He thought that Seonghwa’s voice had sounded nice earlier in the day, but Seonghwa singing entirely on his own, with absolutely nothing to drown out the details, paints a completely different picture. Hongjoong is captured by how his voice glides up and down; the higher notes sound like a light rainfall of stardust. Hongjoong _needs_ Seonghwa to sing for one of his songs. He wants to write a song just for Seonghwa’s voice.

“Are you even… real?” Hongjoong asks frankly.

Seonghwa grins. “Pretty sure I am. Pinch me.”

Hongjoong reaches forward and pinches Seonghwa’s cheek.

“Damn, I guess you are,” he murmurs. “Could you sing more please?”

Seonghwa almost looks as if he had been holding his breath. He exhales and smiles gladly, laughing a bit, too. 

_“Looking for star_

_Looking for love_

_So that no sadness can come_

_Forever I will protect you_

_Forever you are my star.”_

Hongjoong is really, really kind of freaking out about the words to this little tune that Seonghwa is so casually singing. He knows that they’re probably not directed _at_ him, but still.

With a shaky breath, he buries his head underneath the blanket because he can’t handle life.

He feels like he has nothing to say, nothing to give back. Seonghwa gives gives gives, and all Hongjoong feels he does is take. He almost feels like crying. He just wants to hide under the blanket. He’s afraid of looking directly into sunlight, afraid of looking directly into the face of a blooming flower. 

It doesn’t seem to bother Seonghwa that Hongjoong is being shy. He’s rubbing his thumb very carefully on Hongjoong’s shoulder, just humming the tune now, the reverberation of his vocals so very comforting in Hongjoong’s ear. Hongjoong gingerly places his hand on Seonghwa’s upper arm, just to let him know that he is still here. That he appreciates Seonghwa. That’s all he can do, that’s all the bravery he’s got. He used up all his bravery licking that damn spoon. Is Seonghwa… singing him a love song? Only in his wildest imagination would that ever be a thing. 

Hongjoong really wasn’t even sleepy a handful of minutes ago, yet here he is, at war with the weight of his eyelids. And he’s surprised by it too, because it feels like his mind is in overdrive. But it's very warm, very cozy underneath the blanket with Seonghwa. The tone of Seonghwa’s voice really is like a lullaby, a lull in a stormy sea. Hongjoong’s iPad has gone into sleep mode, the light from the screen is gone, the room is entirely dark and mellow. 

How embarrassing it would be if he were to actually fall asleep like this. What is he, a child? He needs to stay awake, so that he can request more songs from Seonghwa, so that he can tease Seonghwa about something because teasing him is fun. Maybe they can pick out a movie and stay up until daybreak. 

But even Seonghwa’s humming is starting to sound drowsy, his thumb starting to slow its rhythm. Hongjoong almost feels sorrowful as he realizes that this day was never meant to last forever. All of these feelings, thoughts, uncertainties, he carries with him into his dreams.

//////////

Hongjoong wakes up the following morning feeling just as toasty and snug as he did falling asleep. He feels as if he had taken a nap in a balmy garden, as if he had visited a wonderland with teeming forests and magnificent magic, and he hears the birds chirping outside, carefree. 

His cheek is pressed into Seonghwa’s chest, and his arm is snaked around Seonghwa’s waist. Seonghwa’s hand is limp on Hongjoong’s back, his face resting at Hongjoong’s forehead. The blanket is rumpled on top of them, and Hongjoong feels his foot tangled with Seonghwa’s ankle. Hongjoong’s Minion plushie is on the floor. 

It’s a pleasured hum coming from his own throat that fully shakes him awake.

“Holy… shit.” 

Hongjoong stirs, promptly trying to digest the scene before him. It looks as though Seonghwa had recently awoke too; he’s blinking innocently, observing his surroundings as well. 

Reflexively, Hongjoong sits up in bed. 

“What happened,” he asks lamely, voice groggy.

“We fell asleep,” Seonghwa says, amused, squinting at the daylight. “And now it’s morning.”

Hongjoong stares at Seonghwa, his red hair ruffled and his mouth ajar. 

“I’m sorry for cuddling on you like that….”

Seonghwa laughs. “Don’t apologize. You’re… really soft.”

Hongjoong blinks at Seonghwa, blushing; blushing colorfully from the tips of his ears, across his nose, down to his shoulders. 

Seonghwa’s hair is messed up too, his sweater falling off one shoulder, his skin dewy. Just looking like he belongs there in Hongjoong’s bed. How dare he.

Hongjoong desperately wants to pull Seonghwa on top of him and kiss him stupid right now, and doom washes over him at this realization.

Fantasizing about doing shit while buzzed at a party is one thing, but actually waking up next to Seonghwa hits differently.

He probably has a look of horror on his face as he continues to gawk at Seonghwa, who’s now lying on his stomach, face turned to Hongjoong, cheek squished on Hongjoong’s pillow. His gaze is steady, almost as if he’s waiting for something.

Seonghwa is _in his bed_. And Hongjoong is looking at Seonghwa’s lips and the curve of his back and he’s getting kind of hard and this sucks.

“What?” Seonghwa asks. There’s something there in his eyes. 

_Fuck you Park Seonghwa,_ Hongjoong thinks to himself, his chest rising and falling, heart dancing in flames.

“Uh, you, you’re,” Hongjoong falters, his mouth bone dry. “You look really good. How do you wake up looking this good.” 

_Friends can give friends compliments it’s fine friends can give friends compliments it’s fine._

Seonghwa laughs yet again, looking bashful. He speaks quietly, and it’s not a question. 

“How are you even cuter first thing in the morning than you normally are every other time of day.”

Okay, so, chilling out in bed, awkwardly giving each other awkward compliments in a very awkward fashion, okay, cool great fantastic. Honestly if it were any other way then it wouldn’t be Hongjoong and Seonghwa.

Hongjoong pinches his lips in, frowning. He looks like a cryptid in the morning what is Seonghwa even talking about. He hardly feels that he’s cute upon waking. What is it that Seonghwa is seeing in this moment…. 

As he allows Seonghwa’s words to sink in, Hongjoong’s heart soars, up and out of the fiery flames. It was a very direct verbal compliment, a counterattack, what is Hongjoong supposed to do with that.

“I have to go pee…,” Hongjoong says slowly, maintaining eye contact. Uncoordinated, he crawls over Seonghwa in order to escape his bedroom that is currently a danger zone. 

Seonghwa is on his phone when Hongjoong returns from the bathroom, lying on his back, looking as though he’s taking a selfie.

“Oh my god you do not need to rub it in that you look this hot in the morning,” Hongjoong gripes, folding his arms across his chest. It just kind of flies out of Hongjoong’s mouth this time.

Seonghwa looks embarrassed at hearing this, but he can’t quite seem to hold back his smile.

“Come here,” he says, and the way he does gives Hongjoong chills. 

He scoots over and Hongjoong rejoins him in bed. 

“There better be a damn strong filter on this I swear to god.”

“Shut up you don’t need one,” Seonghwa murmurs. 

“No you shut up.”

They take a few photos together because apparently it’s become some sort of life goal for them to try out all of the selfie filters ever invented. 

“This one’s my favorite,” Seonghwa comments, pausing on a particular picture as he scrolls through his phone. They’re completing a heart with their hands in the image that he’s referring to.

Hongjoong doesn't know what to say to that. 

“Text all of these to me right now or else I won’t talk to you.”

“Wow, so aggressive,” Seonghwa laughs. 

Hongjoong nuzzles his head into Seonghwa’s shoulder. And he feels Seonghwa’s nose nestle in his hair.

“Which one’s your favorite?” Seonghwa mumbles. 

“Uh this one,” Hongjoong decides, using his pinky finger to swipe through Seonghwa’s photo gallery, “because I don’t look quite as much like a gremlin next to you.”

Seonghwa snorts. “Why are you so mean to yourself.”

Hongjoong nuzzles into him again. God, he wants to live in this moment forever. It’s quiet, save for the sound of birds outside, continuing to sing as if they never grow tired. He wonders if Mingi and Yunho are home. If they don’t have work today then they’re most likely still sleeping in. 

“I have to be at Treasure’s place at noon. Can I take you out to breakfast before I need to go?” Seonghwa asks out of the blue. “My treat?”

“Wait no I like that idea, can it be my treat?” Hongjoong responds. 

“No you can’t steal my cute brilliant breakfast idea.”

“You’re always treating me I hate you.”

Hongjoong was not at all prepared for Seonghwa to break out into a pout, reach forward and cup Hongjoong’s cheeks with his hands, and beg with his illegally gorgeous eyes. 

“Okay…,” Hongjoong surrenders, scarcely breathing, “not Horizon Table though, if San’s working he might just stare at us the whole time with his stupid dimples popping out.”

“Is he okay?”

Hongjoong shrugs. 

Seonghwa ends up taking a long ass shower before they head out and it’s making Hongjoong fidgety. Like, what is he _doing_ in there for all that time.

Hongjoong had found a spare toothbrush for Seonghwa to use, and he has a shirt picked out for Seonghwa to borrow, the same long-sleeve tie-dye tee that Hongjoong wore to Seonghwa’s birthday party, along with a pair of joggers that had always been a tad too baggy on Hongjoong. Sure, Seonghwa is bigger than Hongjoong, but he’s still a really slim guy so they’re not too far off in clothing sizes, especially when lots of Hongjoong’s stuff is oversized anyway. Seonghwa is kind of dainty in his own way. 

Hongjoong’s underwear, however, might not be a comfortable enough size for Seonghwa, so Seonghwa is going to have to go commando. Wearing Hongjoong’s pants. They laughed it off but Hongjoong is also on the brink of crying about it.

Even though he had wanted to leave San out of this, Hongjoong texts him anyway because who is he kidding he’s hopeless.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

EMERGENCY 

HWA IS TAKING ME OUT FOR BREAKFAST 

IS THIS A DATE

**(sannieee):**

HI I AM AWAKE 

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK 😍😍😍😍😍

ok god i must BREATHE

ok did he ASK you out on a date????!!!! 

**Hongjoong:**

no

**(sannieee):**

well 

then no, prob not, 

if he didn't say it specifically :(

but still wowww 💕💕💕💕

why are u both such bitch ass pussys 

**Hongjoong:**

like, idek

san im actually kind of scared 

we kinda slept in the same bed last night

**(sannieee):**

ADFHSKFHJSJHDJDJDJD

WHICH BED WHAT BED 

THANK GOD

**Hongjoong:**

my bed

**(sannieee):**

I’m ASCENDING 

**Hongjoong:**

he’s in my shower rn

**(sannieee):**

HONGIE GET UR ASS IN THERe!!!!!!

**Hongjoong:**

what the hell how even would that work

**(sannieee):**

just knock on the door and be like i need something in there!!

the surprise is that u need his DICK!!

or just walk right in and be all like SURPRISE!!!

**Hongjoong:**

san why are your suggestions always highly unrealistic

**(sannieee):**

suggesting to do asmr and tagging mars asmr on instagram wasn’t unrealistic now was it

**Hongjoong:**

fuck u 

**(sannieee):**

just knock and be like “hey i need to take a shit” and then you’ll have a front row seat for when he steps out of the shower

**Hongjoong:**

this conversation is now over

**(sannieee):**

THIS CONVERSATION IS NEVER OVER I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY

**Hongjoong:**

i can’t just force myself on him T_T

**(sannieee):**

????? he’s prob WAITING for u to do something hongjoong

  
  


Hongjoong’s mind flits back to when they had first woke up this morning, in bed, how Seonghwa had looked at him as if he was waiting for something…. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

fuck

I’m scared

i don’t wanna fuck things up

**(sannieee):**

sweetheart don’t be scared he likes u so much 

**Hongjoong:**

he means a lot to me and I am scared

**(sannieee):**

;;;;;;;;;; w ;;;;

everything’s going to be ok bb

**Hongjoong:**

I hope so

I

gotta go get ready too

ill tell u more later

but hey san

thank u tho

for everything 

ily

**(sannieee):**

stop dad ur makin me emo 

ily too

I believe in youuuuuu

  
  


With the late morning sun hanging high in the sky, they walk into town with no plan, Hongjoong letting Seonghwa take the reins. 

“I was thinking we could go to Cafe Mist,” Seonghwa suggests, with a dash of hesitance. “I heard they have a nice brunch menu.” 

“Or since we’re short on time we could always just grab some stuff at the convenience store and eat at the park? It’s a really nice day,” he adds briskly, peering up at the sky. Hongjoong watches the breeze run through his hair. 

“They both sound nice,” Hongjoong responds, flushing, because they both sound date-ish is what they sound like. 

As far as Hongjoong knows, Cafe Mist is a super flowery, romantic cafe where girls who wish they had boyfriends get together with their friends to act fancy and shit, and where boys take girls to for anniversaries. They’re a bit underdressed for Cafe Mist in all honesty. 

Hongjoong sighs. “We’re only running short on time because someone took too long in the shower…,” he says under his breath. 

“Um excuse me, we’re short on time because someone was clinging to me and whining about not wanting to get out of bed,” Seonghwa retorts. 

Even when Park Seonghwa raises his voice and tries to sound angry, he still sounds soft. 

Hongjoong responds by bumping into his side. 

“We could always save Cafe Mist for another time…?” Seonghwa tries, blushing. 

Hongjoong tilts his head and nods. “Yeah. Pinky promise?” 

Hongjoong is needlessly assertive with his pinky grasp as they continue to walk along, which only makes Seonghwa laugh.

“You are five years old.”

“How old is Treasure?”

“Five,” Seonghwa answers with a smirk.

“Maybe I should hire you as my nanny too then,” Hongjoong says teasingly. 

Seonghwa blushes more and says nothing to that, looking at his feet with his smile still intact.

After grabbing food at the convenience store, they settle down on a bench in the park, sitting close enough for their thighs to touch, the nearby sound of children on adventures combined with the wind in their ears. They eat and talk about trips they went on with their families when they were young. 

“How’s your family? What are they like?” Seonghwa asks. 

“They’re alright, I mean, they’re supportive enough about what I do. I think I’m kinda fucking confusing to them though and I just don’t share a lot with them anymore because I know they wouldn’t understand,” Hongjoong explains as he nibbles at a boiled egg. “Yours?” 

“My parents are nice…. My family is very loving, I’m grateful. They’re just pretty conservative about most things….”

“I feel you on that.”

Hongjoong giggles his ass off when Seonghwa leaps up to chase after a plastic wrapper that got blown away by the breeze. Seeing Seonghwa wear his clothes is turning his heart into mush. 

The taller boy returns to his seat after tossing some of their loose trash into a bin, and twists a bit to face Hongjoong, feeding Hongjoong a honey butter chip. 

He’s not about to give Seonghwa bedroom eyes out in public but damn. They’re sitting so damn close, as if they don't want to be apart. This really isn’t all in Hongjoong’s head, is it?

“Thanks for helping me yesterday,” he says, “you’re always helping me.”

“I’m glad to hear that, and you’re welcome, it’s- it’s really no problem at all. Thank you for helping me too.” 

“How do I help you other than be in your videos? Aren’t I kinda burdensome?” 

Seonghwa shakes his head vigorously. “No, never, you help me so much in so many, like, unseen ways.” 

“Well that’s awfully mystical,” Hongjoong says. 

“I can’t explain it….”

“Sounds like you’re about to get sappy but you’re trying not to.”

“Maybe,” Seonghwa replies sheepishly.

“You can get sappy with me Park Seonghwa I won’t judge,” Hongjoong prods, taking a sip of his strawberry milk. 

“Maybe next time, I, um, should probably run now,” Seonghwa says, a puppy-dog look written all over his face. “This was nice, thank you.” 

“Why the fuck you thanking me for your own idea?”

Seonghwa laughs lightheartedly. “Bye Hongjoong, have a great day.” 

He stands up from the bench, facing Hongjoong, the sun outlining him in a crisp, bright halo. 

Hongjoong rises from the bench too, without thinking. For once he doesn’t _think_ and he just allows himself to feel; allows himself to look straight into the dazzling sunbeam. 

He embraces Seonghwa, and he doesn’t give a single fuck what these families and random ass people in the park think. 

Seonghwa seems a little caught off guard for sure, but his arms hold on to Hongjoong perfectly, his hands gently squeezing Hongjoong’s shoulders. 

Hongjoong decides to risk it and look up at the boy who’s holding him. 

He can see his own hair catching in the wind. All he sees is red and Seonghwa.

The look on Seonghwa’s face…. The look on his face almost makes Hongjoong believe that he _had_ helped Seonghwa somehow.

“I should go…,” Seonghwa practically whispers.

“Okay.” 

“I feel bad just leaving you here, I’m sorry,” he says, not letting go of Hongjoong.

Hongjoong wrinkles his nose. “Why are you sorry for having to go to work.”

Their laughter is floaty. 

“I had fun,” Seonghwa says. 

“I guess I had fun too, now that you mention it,” Hongjoong agrees with a faint smile. 

Seonghwa scans Hongjoong’s face, his dark eyes so warm, but there’s a sadness in them, almost as if he really is regretful to be leaving. Or forlorn about something. 

“Have a good day!” Hongjoong shouts after him, after they let go and as he grabs his bag with his cleaning supplies and clothes from yesterday, hoping it’ll cheer him up. 

Seonghwa takes off to go be the best nanny ever, and Hongjoong thinks about how Treasure is too young to even realize how hot her nanny is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THINGS ESCALATED
> 
> all I’ve gotta say is: SOON 👀👀👀
> 
> anyone else cry real tears while watching mars asmr #2 yesterday wow I was so sure I was going to pass away 😩 mouth sounds is actually an asmr trigger that I’ve rlly grown to enjoy, and bread is like the only thing I eat ever so I was having a great time lmao god hwa is so precious you guys 🥺❤️ also- hongjoong’s new hair?!? ateez is best boys we must protect them 
> 
> yall are SO GREAT thank you with all my heart for your continued kindness towards this fic and for reading this chapter!!!! 😭💖
> 
> //////////
> 
> again, no asmr inspo or reference in this chapter but [here’s a vid](https://youtu.be/KHd1kgCpB2M) that I had to watch 3 separate times in order to complete because I kept falling asleep throughout it lol and!! Tingting ASMR is in fact my favorite asmrtist!!! 🥰 (OTHER THAN MARS ASMR LOL) another fave of mine is LottieLoves ASMR I have a uhhh big fat crush on her ok 🥺 both tingting and lottie are wonderful I highly recommend their content 💕💕
> 
> mentioned songs + inspo songs: [tingles playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsenJSIypLny7PJCW9MaPCQacRSzNcTmG)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI THERE’S SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER 🥵  
> rating is going up to E because details lol  
> there’s NO sexual intercourse in this chapter BUT it be smutty  
> if you’re not exactly here for it, first off, YOU ARE VALID! ❤️ and you can just skim/skip the section in between these: **//////////**
> 
> THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING I LOVE YOU  
> talk with u in the end notes 💖💖

“I can’t stop thinking about Kyong.”

Hongjoong is on the phone with Seonghwa on a rather drab, late Thursday afternoon, not too long after stopping by the little family-run market where they had last seen Kyong. The woman they had spoken to was there behind the counter when Hongjoong came in for some food, and she recognized him and informed him that he and Seonghwa had really inspired her to take things a step further. She rallied up all of the other shop owners on the block and encouraged them to call the authorities in regards to Kyong’s situation, and she also noted that she hadn’t seen the crying child hanging around the area at all this week. Which, they both hope, is a positive thing. Hongjoong wanted to give Seonghwa a call to let him know. 

Stationed in front of the couch in the living room, Hongjoong is attempting to fold laundry as he holds his phone in between his ear and his shoulder like a total clown; he could put Seonghwa on speaker but he feels like the experience won’t be the same if he does. 

“You really do love kids a lot, Hwa,” he responds as he searches around for a missing sock.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

Seonghwa inhales on the other end of the line. “I do. Kids must be protected. They are the future.”

Hongjoong snorts. 

“Would you want kids of your own someday?”

“I mean, yeah, absolutely,” Seonghwa replies without missing a beat, “but ultimately it would depend on how my partner would feel about adopting and stuff. Since I’m not into women so there’s no chance for that. So yeah.”

Hongjoong locates his missing sock and just stares at it.

“Yeah, yeah, totally!” he says, voice quaking a bit, because Seonghwa just told him, verbally, in his ear, that he isn’t into women, and also because Hongjoong _will_ be a little bit fucking salty and jealous towards whoever Seonghwa’s future partner ends up being. 

“Well I’m sure that even if your partner was never into the idea of adopting before that they would totally change their mind and super consider it after seeing how great you are with kids.”

“You really think so?” Seonghwa says. 

“Duh,” Hongjoong responds stupidly, for lack of knowing what else to say. Because Seonghwa’s _really?_ had sounded way too soft. 

“Can you come over today?” Seonghwa asks all of a sudden. 

Okay. Alright. Seonghwa casually asking him to hang out without planning anything in advance. This is new. 

“Uh yeah, I’ll be completely free in an hour or so,” Hongjoong utters, really struggling to hold his phone in place. “We filming ASMR? It’s kinda late in the day.”

“Nah, just miss you,” Seonghwa says, and it’s almost a whisper, as if it had taken him a decent amount of courage to say it out loud. 

Hongjoong jerks his body around and tips over the laundry basket full of folded clothes, all of it spilling out onto the floor. 

“Oh. Okay. I- I miss you, too.”

There’s nothing but silence on both ends of the line for an uncharted amount of seconds and Hongjoong decides that he really, really hates phone calls and that he’d much rather hide behind text messages any day of the week. 

“Okay, see you soon,” Seonghwa speaks, and he hangs up before Hongjoong can beat him to it. 

Hongjoong doesn’t bother refolding the laundry, because fuck that shit, and he doesn’t bother putting any effort into his appearance before heading over to Seonghwa’s place either. He throws on a clean set of sweatpant joggers and a matching crewneck sweatshirt. He’s admittedly in love with how comfortable he’s gotten to feel around Seonghwa. It’s nice having friends who you don’t need to try so hard for. 

It’s raining outside, Hongjoong bobbing along beneath a black umbrella, the city especially quiet today. Hongjoong has noticed, that every time it rains, he can’t help but think back on the day that he and Seonghwa hid at the playground after going to the convenience store, and he’s convinced that it’ll be this way for the rest of his life. He really does wonder if that day had meant anything to Seonghwa, too. 

Seonghwa is dressed comfy as well; the most dressed-down Hongjoong has ever seen him, probably. Apparently they’re on the same wavelength today. He’s wearing a burnt orange cardigan, along with Hongjoong’s joggers that he borrowed after staying the night at Hongjoong’s place. 

Boy owns how many pairs of pants and he chooses to wear Hongjoong’s? Hongjoong stares for a few moments too long with his mouth ajar before stepping inside the entryway. 

Yeosang is home and the three of them lie slumped on the couch together on their phones, saying whatever random shit comes to mind. 

“How did you guys meet anyway,” Hongjoong asks after running out of Instagram stories to watch through.

“College roommates,” Seonghwa answers. “He was clean enough and easy enough to talk to, so,” he adds, shrugging.

“Really, that’s all I’ve got going for me?” Yeosang jabs, resting his head on Seonghwa’s shoulder.

“How about you and Jongho?” Hongjoong asks Yeosang. 

“He hired me to design his YouTube logo and when we met up for the first time to discuss details it was like oh, hi,” Yeosang recounts. “And I’ve known Wooyoung for forever I don’t even know where he came from he’s just always been there.”

“What the hell that’s so cute you and Jongho met like that,” Hongjoong chirps. 

“How about you and your crew,” Yeosang asks in return, as Seonghwa places his head down on top of his. 

“Uh, met Mingi in middle school. He and Yunho have been friends since really young,” Hongjoong says. “And I met San in high school. He was really there for me when I was confused about- uh, things. He’s a really protective friend, he’s great.” 

“Has he considered doing dance professionally? Or theater or something?” Seonghwa asks. 

Yeosang hums in agreement. “Yeah, he’s such a performer.” 

“I know right? I wish he would but he’s surprisingly insecure,” Hongjoong explains. 

They talk more about their friends until Yeosang rolls off of the couch, taking his leave to go meet Wooyoung for a late dinner. 

After Yeosang departs, Hongjoong and Seonghwa continue to do a whole lot of nothing together. 

Seonghwa is watching some gag-inducing video on his phone of kittens playing with puppies when Hongjoong flops down on his stomach with a sigh, wiggling around a bit. 

“Hi,” he says, poking Seonghwa in the arm, to which he gains no reaction. 

“Hi I’m here to bother you,” Hongjoong tries again. 

“Is that so,” Seonghwa murmurs, a faint smile breaking loose on his face. 

“Hey look at me,” Hongjoong whines. “Say my name.” 

“Hongie, Joong, Joongie, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa says sweetly. 

Hongjoong hums, very pleased.

“It’s so weird how I used to think your name was Mars.”

“It’s not that weird,” Seonghwa laughs airily, putting his phone aside. 

“It is! I like, referred to you as Mars in my head and then I show up here not knowing yet if you’re gonna be a criminal or something and you’re all like _oh hi I’m Seonghwa_ ,” Hongjoong says, imitating Seonghwa’s voice.

“Did you refer to me in your head often?”

“Oh my god shut up,” Hongjoong retorts. “What was your first impression of me?” 

Seonghwa looks him over quickly. “That you’re tiny.” 

Hongjoong swats at him but misses.

“And… I could tell from your pictures that you like to wear makeup, so when you showed up at my door bare-faced I thought that that was really genuine and trusting and really….”

Seonghwa trails off, staring at Hongjoong. Hongjoong is holding his breath which is probably not helping the blooming blush of his skin. 

“Did you have dinner before you got here Hongjoong?” Seonghwa asks, blinking. 

Hongjoong gapes at him. “You’re mean, you were about to say something monumental don’t change the subject.” 

Seonghwa just pinches back a smile as he stands up from the couch. He offers out both of his hands to Hongjoong. 

“Come with me, let’s find something to eat in the kitchen.” 

“No I’m mad at you,” Hongjoong gripes as he stands up, taking Seonghwa’s hands and defiantly turning his head away. 

This is the first time his hands have ever been in Seonghwa’s and although they’re joking around Hongjoong’s heart positively flutters.

He peeks at Seonghwa, who’s looking at their hands, a faint blush sweeping his face now too.

“Could we just do a dessert for dinner type of thing?” Hongjoong requests. 

Seonghwa glances up at Hongjoong in return, swinging their arms back and forth lightly.

“Dessert and a movie?” 

They end up nestled on the couch, drenched in nightfall, watching How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World. Seonghwa and Yeosang’s television is actually really damn big and nice, like a rich person’s TV, and Hongjoong hadn't really noticed this until now. 

His stomach is full, the room is dark, and the rain showers outside carry on. They’ve reached the scene in the movie where Hiccup and Astrid plummet into the glowing Hidden World, the OST something so worthy of goosebumps and wonder. Hongjoong is entranced and touched and transported by the music in this film series. He’d like to meet John Powell one day and bow to him and thank him for his good work. 

Hongjoong has finally gotten to relax for the first time today, his head now propped up against Seonghwa’s shoulder. Seonghwa’s body is kind of curled up and facing in towards Hongjoong, his cheek squashed on top of Hongjoong’s head. And it’s in moments like these that Hongjoong recognizes how much easier it’s getting for him to relax, and how lately, he’s falling asleep with ease.

**//////////**

The last thing Hongjoong remembers is resting his head down on Seonghwa’s shoulder during the movie, and wishing that dragons were real and that he could train one of his very own and would never have to walk anywhere or take any sort of public transportation ever again. 

It’s a looming rumble of thunder that wakes him up, forming someplace in the sky, where summer gradually begins to threaten spring’s innocence. 

There’s a blanket draped over him, and his head is lying in Seonghwa’s lap. 

“You fell asleep, baby,” Seonghwa says sleepily, having noticed Hongjoong stirring awake.

Everything kind of pauses, momentarily, and Hongjoong feels Seonghwa tense ever so slightly, like maybe he hadn’t meant to say that. 

Shit, fuck. Okay. 

_Is_ this a dream? No, no he’s definitely awake. The more Hongjoong blinks the more he can feel his alive-ness, and Seonghwa’s voice echoing in his ear. It looks as though the end credits of the movie had just finished playing. 

Another clap of thunder has Hongjoong sitting up in alarm, the blanket falling from his shoulders. 

“A storm?” he asks in a small voice, and tries to just roll with it and not lose consciousness because Seonghwa calling him baby…. Shit. What is happening. 

Thunderstorms are not one of Hongjoong’s favorite things. Rain? Great, fine, lovely even. Thunder and lightning? Not so much. Thunder is scary as shit and he’ll fight anyone who tries to invalidate him for his fear. 

A blinding flash of lightning enlivens the darkened room with an angry roar of thunder in tow. 

“Fuck,” Hongjoong croaks, throwing his arms around Seonghwa, clinging to him. 

Seonghwa responds instinctively by wrapping the smaller boy up in his arms. 

“What don’t you like about it, the light or the sound?” Seonghwa asks, his voice so low and melty. He’s rubbing careful circles on Hongjoong’s shoulder without delay. 

“The sound,” Hongjoong mumbles in the crook of Seonghwa’s neck, “startles me.” 

“Too loud,” he adds with finality, nuzzling his head in further. 

“It’s okay, it startles me too,” Seonghwa speaks gently. 

Hongjoong can feel Seonghwa’s heartbeat against his arm, can feel the reverberation of Seonghwa’s voice box when he speaks. Seonghwa smells familiar, and his cardigan is very soft. 

“I’m scared…,” Hongjoong whispers. 

And maybe… maybe he’s not only referring to the thunder. 

Seonghwa is holding Hongjoong against his chest, close. Seonghwa says nothing for a moment or two so Hongjoong pulls back to look at him, to make sure that he’s not completely making Seonghwa question why he ever became friends with him. If the room wasn’t so dark, he’d be able to count Seonghwa’s eyelashes.

Hongjoong feels pretty lame for being so afraid of thunder, of something that can’t hurt him. He feels like he probably has the most pitiful look on his face, but Seonghwa is actually looking back at him with such comfort and understanding. 

Hongjoong senses his expression dissolving to mirror Seonghwa’s. They are silent, looking at each other with mouths slightly held open. 

Because he’s undeniably melting in Seonghwa’s embrace, Hongjoong yields, and leans in faintly, so that their foreheads touch, to let Seonghwa know that whatever this is… is okay. It’s okay. He’s scared, of so much, but he’s glad he’s not alone, glad he doesn't have to cope with the storm on his own. 

Seonghwa leans in too, and their noses touch. 

Hongjoong takes in a shuddered breath, his skin prickling from head to toe. Seonghwa’s breathing is mingling with his own; he could reach forward and swallow it, it’s so close. But before he can mumble out some needless apology, or do anything at all, Seonghwa’s whisper pirouettes across their barricade; their veil. 

“Hongjoong….” 

Seonghwa doesn’t ask for permission, thank _god_ , Hongjoong would’ve kicked his ass if he did.

It’s when Hongjoong slowly lets his eyelids fall in completion, that he feels a pair of lips ghost against his.

Seonghwa closes the small gap between them and kisses Hongjoong and Hongjoong instantaneously feels the best he’s ever felt which is maybe an exaggeration but maybe not because this is the best and this is everything. 

Seonghwa is kissing him. Seonghwa is kissing his lips. 

Maybe Hongjoong likes thunder and lightning after all. Is it the mighty thunderstorm that brought about this blessing? 

Heart fully awakened, Hongjoong leans into it, into Seonghwa, and with this kiss Hongjoong realizes that he isn't the only one who’s scared. They break apart, barely, but for a second, before Hongjoong fervidly tips back in to capture Seonghwa’s lips once more, and these kisses feel fearful, kind of melancholy; slow, wet, dreamscape kisses. And Hongjoong can imagine himself maybe even crying in this moment because _finally._

Okay, so Seonghwa does want him like this. Dear god was he a fool for doubting and denying the signs. It’s painful though, getting your hopes up. He’s been taught to avoid pain. But assuming that this truly isn't a dream, it’s pretty unmistakable now, how Seonghwa maybe feels.

Seonghwa is holding Hongjoong so securely, yet gently, in his arms, and Hongjoong feels simultaneously solid and brittle being cradled there against Seonghwa’s body. Hongjoong can’t keep his hands from grabbing at Seonghwa’s cardigan a bit, and now, cautiously, running lightly across Seonghwa’s exposed collarbone. Seonghwa is kissing him as if his lips are something most precious and it’s making Hongjoong feel like he’s out of his fucking mind. And it strikes him that never before has he been kissed quite like this, maybe never been kissed this _much_ ever. There’s not usually much kissing involved. Hongjoong’s mouth is typically used for other things.

They break apart for air in such short spurts, Hongjoong tilting his head every time they press back in. Seonghwa has one hand in Hongjoong’s hair at the nape of his neck, the other still holding the back of Hongjoong’s waist, as steady as an anchor. These are kisses from reveries and fairytales. Seonghwa’s lips are soft beyond belief, Hongjoong didn't know lips could _be_ this soft. Seonghwa’s mouth tastes like sweet custard tart and Hongjoong feels so entirely safe and sound.

His mind floats back to several weeks ago when Seonghwa had wrapped him up in this very spot and given him a giant mug of hot chocolate… just the other week when Seonghwa hugged him on this couch; within every single instance he had felt terrified of what he was experiencing inside himself, yet so very… loved.

Hongjoong seizes every chance he gets to rub his nose against Seonghwa’s. He can’t get close enough. The kissing really deepens all of a sudden, Seonghwa’s tongue is everywhere, licking inside Hongjoong’s mouth and at his bottom lip and it’s warm; warm breath, warm tongue. They’re both sort of letting soft, breathy whines escape in between their mouths and Hongjoong is actually kind of in pain from how aroused he now is. 

A massive rumble of thunder, powerful enough to shake the apartment a bit, makes Hongjoong gasp out of the kiss. 

“Are you okay?” Seonghwa half-whispers, rubbing Hongjoong’s cheek with his thumb.

Seonghwa looks fucking wrecked. Hongjoong can only imagine what he himself looks like right now. 

Hongjoong doesn’t dare break their gaze, and when he nods wordlessly, Seonghwa pulls him back in for a tender kiss, massaging circles on his neck. 

Hongjoong lives inside this kiss. And he deepens it, picking up where they left off, because he does not want this to end.

Hongjoong’s hands are kind of everywhere now, he doesn’t even know where the fuck his hands are, Seonghwa’s chest, his neck, his face, his hair, his shoulders, and Hongjoong feels Seonghwa’s one hand trickle down from his waist to cup his ass, Hongjoong taking this pleasant surprise as an invitation to move forward and straddle Seonghwa, thighs trembling as he does.

Their kisses quickly turn to sucking and biting, more urgent and impatient, Seonghwa giving little squeezes to Hongjoong’s thighs, and Hongjoong, whining, squirms himself further up in Seonghwa’s lap, searching blindly for the friction he’s in need of. Hongjoong feels Seonghwa move too, trying to match him in this effort. God, Hongjoong has been needing this, but it was absolutely worth the wait.

Hongjoong has Seonghwa’s bottom lip between his teeth when they both attempt, and fail, to restrain their moans at the developing contact between their bodies. Hongjoong has been thinking for a while now that Seonghwa’s hands belong in his hair at this point, and in this moment, it truly feels as if Seonghwa believes it too. 

They break away, drawing in for oxygen, and there's somewhat of a tightrope of spit suspended from Hongjoong’s mouth to Seonghwa’s. Hongjoong watches Seonghwa lick his lips, spellbound.

Seonghwa now seems to be looking at him, asking wordlessly for some sort of permission, perhaps to continue. Hongjoong is out of breath and assumes that his expression is conveying enough because he feels wet lips on his neck, on his ear, hands holding onto his hips. He squirms in Seonghwa’s lap when Seonghwa licks at the barbell earring in his cartilage. 

“ _Seonghwa_ ,” he moans loud, swiftly covering his mouth and squeezing his eyes shut, mildly embarrassed. 

“There’s- there’s no one home, you- you can-” 

Seonghwa stops himself, dazed, realizing what he’s saying. They stare at each other through the low light; feverish, heavy breathing illustrating their backdrop.

Seonghwa is telling him that he can be loud. These words are lethal around Hongjoong. His eyes darken and he breaks.

He kisses Seonghwa hard, moaning immodestly and wasting no time to unbutton Seonghwa’s cardigan, promptly scooching back to leave trails of kisses down his neck, not hesitating whatsoever to mouth at Seonghwa’s chest.

“ _Joong_ ,” Seonghwa hisses softly.

He’s sweeping Hongjoong’s hair out of his face, a gesture that feels so delicate compared to the storm outside and the storm inside Hongjoong’s abdomen. Seonghwa has fingers like feathers on one hand, and with the other hand he’s gripping hard to Hongjoong’s hip underneath the waistband of his pants. Hongjoong is so, so dizzy. He comes back up for air and Seonghwa is looking at him yet again as if he’s asking for consent. Hongjoong really needs for him to stop being such a gentleman and to just be completely fucking rude and do whatever the hell he wants, do _everything_. 

Seonghwa seems to get the telepathic message and lifts up Hongjoong’s sweatshirt, running his other hand up Hongjoong’s side with enamor. 

Hongjoong holds his sweatshirt up for Seonghwa as he leans Hongjoong back ever so slightly. Hongjoong almost finds it cute that Seonghwa wants to return the act except it’s not cute it’s vulgar, Seonghwa’s tongue is not of this world. And as he’s lapping and sucking at the raised buds on Hongjoong’s chest he’s also running one hand down Hongjoong’s back, and toying with the waistband of Hongjoong’s pants with the other. 

“ _God_ , Seonghwa…,” Hongjoong sighs noisily, running lazy fingers through the hair at the crown of Seonghwa’s head. 

At that, Seonghwa seems eager to kiss him again, both of them moaning in unison. Hongjoong kisses back hungrily, mouth open, letting his tongue mesh with Seonghwa’s, trying to breath through his nose, heart beating even faster now that his body is closer to Seonghwa’s once more. 

Seonghwa snakes both of his hands under the waistband of Hongjoong’s underwear and grabs his bare ass, grinding up into him hard. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Hongjoong gasps against Seonghwa’s lips. 

Seonghwa’s fingers feel cold in contrast to the heat that’s itching inside Hongjoong’s skin. He has never felt anything this magnetic before and they’re still clothed. How are they still clothed Hongjoong demands an answer.

Even in the dim light Hongjoong can see that Seonghwa is keeping his eyes on him in between kisses, and it’s only heightening his euphoria. With Seonghwa’s hands coaxing him, Hongjoong rakes both of his own hands through Seonghwa’s hair and grinds down on Seonghwa hard, cherishing his eyes in the dark. 

“G-God, _Joong_ -” Seonghwa keens, pulling Hongjoong back in and kissing him deep, wet; their lips caught between garbled moans, high-pitched and burning.

Hongjoong doesn’t let this distract him from continuing to grind on Seonghwa roughly, and faster now too. He’s suddenly intent on learning more of what could pull out sounds from Seonghwa, what would make him feel adored. Hongjoong is moving ruthlessly towards this goal, the heat in his lower body building up at exponential speed.

“D-Do you like that?” Hongjoong asks, voice lined in lust. 

“Holy- shit- Hongjoong…,” Seonghwa pleads, throwing his head back a bit as he does. 

“Do you, gorgeous? Gorgeous….”

“God- yes- _yes_ ,” Seonghwa gasps, bringing his hands up and forward to cup Hongjoong’s flushed face. 

Hongjoong is kind of shook at how quavering both of their voices are. They had become so comfortable conversing with each other but now here they are, losing their damn minds. This is really happening isn’t it. 

“Do you like it too?” Seonghwa asks in return, his lips hovering on Hongjoong’s, and it’s almost too sweet; Seonghwa is so, so sweet, his breath so warm. 

He’s playing with Hongjoong’s hips some more as Hongjoong decelerates, grinding slower, deliberate, and he’s fooling with the waistband of Hongjoong’s underwear as if he wants to pull them down but is unsure. Or maybe he’s actually just being a huge tease? Maybe he’s not sweet at all. That would be hilarious if Park Seonghwa isn't actually being reserved and is in fact just being a tease.

“Fuck, Hwa, y-yeah I like it….” 

Hongjoong halts their rhythm, panting. 

“Please touch me,” he whimpers. 

Seonghwa blinks for a moment at the boy in his lap, perhaps making sure that he had heard correctly. He does not look away from Hongjoong as he slowly slips his hand inside Hongjoong’s underwear, placing his fingers around Hongjoong’s throbbing arousal. Hongjoong hopes that San, Mingi and Yunho know what songs to play at his funeral.

“J-Joong you’re so… wet,” Seonghwa says in awe, his voice both longing and loving. 

_Fuck_. Seonghwa talking to him like this? Hongjoong is whining and he cannot help but slap a hand over his mouth again as he wrinkles his brow, staring into Seonghwa’s eyes as Seonghwa steadily pumps his aching length. He desperately tries to gather himself up, removes his hand, and runs it across Seonghwa’s cheek, and it’s so very smooth, so warm.

“Can I touch you too?” Hongjoong asks, and it sounds far softer than he intended. 

“Mhm,” Seonghwa responds with a nod. 

This very well may be the best day of Hongjoong’s young life. 

He inhales through his mouth as he pulls at the band of Seonghwa’s underwear, tucks his hand inside, and sends out a dramatic prayer in hopes that his hand fits around Seonghwa’s arousal. It does. 

“Hwa you’re so fucking hard,” Hongjoong purrs. 

He literally cannot handle this right now. Hands are down pants. There are hands, that are currently, down pants. This is insanity and Hongjoong is thriving. There’s a dick in his hand and it’s Seonghwa’s dick and Hongjoong couldn’t be any more thrilled. 

“And- and- you’re really wet too, s-so-” he adds, rather ungracefully, because reality keeps hitting him in waves and he’s freaking out. 

Seonghwa hisses a bit as he breathes in. “You’re wetter though.” 

Hongjoong blinks, mouth open. Seonghwa is actually smirking at him, catching his bottom lip with his teeth as he pumps Hongjoong with his stupid skillful hand.

Wow, Seonghwa really knows how to provoke Hongjoong, doesn't he. And he’s using this knowledge now. He cannot be serious right now. 

“In your dreams maybe?” Hongjoong says with a little laugh, delirious. “Look- look at all your cum…,” he sighs, thumbing over the pre-cum that’s accumulated at the head of Seonghwa’s length, spreading it down his shaft. 

He keeps his eyes on Seonghwa, stroking a bit faster, and Seonghwa moans uninhibitedly, suddenly not looking as smug. 

“ _God_ you’re _this_ wet for me Hwa…?” Hongjoong whispers, simulating naivety. “…You gonna cum for me?” 

Hongjoong leans in and their hands are moving more heatedly now and Seonghwa looks as though he really could cum on command, at least where Hongjoong’s voice is concerned, and the both of them choke on whatever words they have next because it’s feeling way too fucking fantastic.

Hongjoong’s senses are sharp. Was he even alive before this? Everything is amplified; the sound of them touching each other, the noise dripping from their lips, the feeling of Seonghwa in his hand, how Seonghwa’s grasp feels on him, Seonghwa sucking at Hongjoong’s ear again as he alternates between slowing his hand and stroking Hongjoong faster again. 

It’s too good and far too sensitive and Hongjoong is lightheaded. It’s dark but when he steals a glance down at their laps he can see just how close their dicks are to each other, the knuckles of their fists threatening to clash. Hongjoong spreads his legs wider and starts moving his hips again when Seonghwa slows his pace, bucking up into Seonghwa’s hand, and he moans wholeheartedly in Seonghwa’s ear as both of their hands decidedly cease their movement, Seonghwa, too, now fucking Hongjoong’s hand.

“… _I want your cock_ -,” Hongjoong gasps, syrupy yet filthy.

Seonghwa has them rotated and flipped faster than either of them can process it and Hongjoong finds himself flat on his back, now lying down on the couch, Seonghwa hovering above him, looking downright lustful for a moment. 

Seonghwa takes but a split second to soak in the sight of Hongjoong sprawled out underneath him, Hongjoong’s arms tossed about, his rosy hair fallen away from his face. 

Chest heaving, Seonghwa tugs at Hongjoong’s underwear again and takes his cock, pumping rapidly now. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Hongjoong wails, gazing up at Seonghwa with glassy eyes. 

With trembling fingers, he reaches back inside Seonghwa’s pants as well, willing his brain to catch up with everything that’s happening. 

“ _Seonghwa-_ wanna taste your cock- I want- I wan-”

“Hongjoong f-fuck-” Seonghwa rasps as he lets go of Hongjoong’s arousal, Hongjoong following suit. 

Seonghwa lowers himself down and Hongjoong is quick to latch his legs around Seonghwa, bucking up into him right as Seonghwa grinds down, both of them crying out rather indecently. 

As much as Hongjoong has been desperately wanting something like this to happen he was not expecting it to happen tonight and now it is happening and Hongjoong thinks that he just might actually perish.

But the thing is is that Hongjoong is greedy and now he really doesn’t know what he wants more; to be down on his knees deep-throating Seonghwa’s cock, or Seonghwa’s cock up his ass slamming into him mercilessly. Hongjoong wants all of Seonghwa and he’s finally admitting to it and he realizes he isn’t going to last very long which kind of sucks but is also really kind of hot at the same time. 

If Seonghwa’s hands aren’t gripping Hongjoong’s thighs then they’re cradling his jaw or squeezing his hips or running up and down the side of his torso underneath his sweatshirt. Seonghwa’s hands are everywhere and Hongjoong feels as if his tired body is being healed.

He can feel Seonghwa’s hardness through his underwear; his pants have slid down a bit from Seonghwa manhandling his ass and stroking him, and he’s pretty sure that Seonghwa’s have slipped down too, seeing that Hongjoong has been clawing his feet at the waistband ever since they fell to pieces.

Hongjoong continues to grind up onto Seonghwa and he wonders if Seonghwa has any lube conveniently kept downstairs near the couch, but doubts that he does, but also wonders if Seonghwa would want to go that far with him; if Seonghwa would want all of Hongjoong. He _prays._

Hongjoong can’t breathe that easily anymore but Seonghwa still insists on kissing his lips, and all he can do is moan alongside his tongue fighting with Seonghwa’s. Hongjoong has been kind of waiting for Seonghwa to go carnal and call him names, and in the back of his mind he’s almost growing impatient. It’s weird that Seonghwa isn't calling him some sort of name, which is what he’s certainly used to; a cock slut or a little bitch or something. He wouldn’t mind, at all, if Seonghwa called out to him like that.

But the only name that seems to be leaving Seonghwa’s lips is beautiful beautiful _beautiful._

_You’re beautiful Hongjoong._

It dawns on Hongjoong that this is the first time anyone has ever called him that so directly, so genuinely. 

Sure, he’s been called cute. People have called his art beautiful before.

But never him.

This hits Hongjoong like a fuck ton of bricks and it’s somehow even more dominating and desirous than anything else Seonghwa could be saying to him right now. Hongjoong is positively whining, throwing his head back, as Seonghwa continues to grind down onto him. 

“ _Seonghwa fuck_ ,” is all he can give in return to Seonghwa’s heartfelt praise and he feels kind of bad about it but he’s fucking losing his grip here; he’s trying to find words.

“God- god, Hwa- making me feel so _good_ … so, so….” 

“Is- is it good? Do you like it baby?” Seonghwa croons, balancing himself on one of his forearms as he attempts to reach a hand back into Hongjoong’s underwear to knead at his asscheek.

“Mhm I like it, I like it Hwa…,” Hongjoong replies breathily.

“…Joong, y-your skin is so soft,” Seonghwa whispers earnestly, and he slows down for a short moment to kiss Hongjoong’s cheek. 

A whimpering noise dies in Hongjoong’s throat. Seonghwa’s broken voice in his ear sounds so damn amazing, his head is swirling. 

“F-Fuck, don’t stop….”

Hongjoong is quite a squirming mess below Seonghwa, in need of even more friction. He’s hearing less of his own noise and more of Seonghwa’s pretty sounds and each flash of lightning illuminates a vision, of Seonghwa’s bare chest dampened by the downpour, legs tangled together like they were beneath the table at the restaurant, Seonghwa’s fingers nestled in Hongjoong’s hair just as they were the very first day they met, hoping to bring comfort to people of all kinds. Seonghwa’s lips, everywhere; the lips that Hongjoong has gazed at so many times, memorized. Seonghwa’s voice in Hongjoong’s ear, the voice that sang him to sleep, the voice Hongjoong fell in love with before he even knew that Park Seonghwa was real; a tangible heart.

They’re definitely not going to make it much further at this point, Hongjoong is so wound up. He’s nearing orgasm fast and it isn’t even fair really.

“Fuck, _Hwa_ , I’m- I’m-”

“Hongjoong… _Joong_ -” 

“I want, I- I want-” 

“What do you want beautiful-”

“Clothes _off_ \- f-fucking clothes off _now_ ,” Hongjoong chokes out.

“ _Fuck_ -” Seonghwa whispers. 

The most Seonghwa can do under the fleeting circumstances is tug Hongjoong’s underwear down to his thighs along with his own because ripping everything off would waste far too much time at this point but he also takes a moment to lift Hongjoong’s sweatshirt up and away from his chest because of course Seonghwa is already thinking about preserving their clothes from the mess they’re about to make. 

Seonghwa grinds down faster and rougher now on Hongjoong’s cock, both of his hands screwed down into the couch on either side of Hongjoong’s head. And there’s something about being pinned down in place by Seonghwa and the sensation of skin on skin that has Hongjoong suddenly so close; this entire evening summarizing his stifled longing. 

“Seong- Hwa,” he hums, already feeling himself succumb, “I’ll- I’ll make you- lots of pretty babies….”

It’s probably just about the lewdest most scientifically impossible thing to tumble out of his mouth whilst engaging in sexual activity, but it seems to have the effect he was going for. 

Seonghwa is unraveling on top of him in thorough satisfaction, and Seonghwa’s name is tumbling out of Hongjoong’s mouth, skydiving from his lips, glowing streamers of an aurora rippling and coating his vision as he comes hard, all over Seonghwa’s cock and both their abdomens.

For a moment all of the noise in his head dies down, and he can only hear the sound of their panting and the rain battering the rooftops. His hands are still digging into Seonghwa’s back underneath his open cardigan, but with less strength. There’s a distant rumble of thunder now somewhere far off. 

And Hongjoong is immediately drowsy, so drowsy, put under a spell. He’s so fucking gone he sincerely doesn’t even feel how sticky their cum is, how perspiring their bodies are. He does feel Seonghwa roll off of him slightly though, the warmth he so craved suddenly dissipating. Hongjoong is fairly certain that he probably looks dead.

“…Yet another effective way to help you sleep…,” Seonghwa says blissfully, “…Noted.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Hongjoong slurs his speech, smiling candidly, his chest rising and falling like a wave landing on shore. 

“I was _already_ like, half asleep…,” he adds in his defense, turning his head to look at Seonghwa with heavy eyelids. 

“That was you only halfway awake? Wow.” 

Seonghwa is smiling back at him, still panting, still just as stunning as ever. Hongjoong really wants to roll on top of Seonghwa and nip at his lips and all along his jawline and maybe grind down on his wet cock, but he really cannot move. 

And he says nothing in response to Seonghwa’s remark because yeah, that wasn’t even half of what he wants to do with Seonghwa. Not even a quarter. 

In the back of his mind Hongjoong is relieved that he wasn’t the only one to finish so damn quickly, that would’ve been embarrassing as hell. It all _felt_ quick, at least. Not to downgrade the experience or to take it for granted at all, though. God that was, a lot. That was kind of really perfect. 

Hongjoong lies there motionless, letting his eyes close as Seonghwa crawls over him to stand up. It’s a minute or two later when he feels a warm, damp cloth touch his stomach very mindfully.

“Ah, it tickles…,” Hongjoong says, dozy, a tiny voice.

He winces just a bit when the cloth comes in contact with his dick, but he hums in appreciation, as his pants are being pulled back up into place. 

Hongjoong is suddenly aware that his face is cold, stained with his own tears, and he wonders why that is. He wasn’t serious earlier when he thought that he could cry. 

But he now feels Seonghwa sprinkling barely-there kisses on his cheeks, wiping the tears away, kisses along his jaw and on his nose, too. He feels a sweeping adoration fill his chest, his whole body, tingling.

He’s exhausted; physically, emotionally. Seonghwa likes him back. Seonghwa sees him… the way he sees Seonghwa. Seonghwa thinks he’s beautiful. Maybe fear makes no sense, but maybe fear has a purpose. 

Hongjoong is being lulled away into a deep slumber whether he wants it or not. Last thing he feels is one of his hands being claimed carefully, fingers lacing with his own.

**//////////**

Hongjoong’s phone alarm sounds off the next morning at 6:00AM, and he senses, for the second time this month, that he’s not waking up alone. 

The morning light is hushed, everything filtered in a bluish-green, the muted sound of birds outside singing the song of daybreak. 

Hongjoong is burrowed in billowing white bed sheets and he feels Seonghwa’s chest flush up against his back, Seonghwa’s breath tickling the nape of his neck, their legs tangled together.

They seem to be upstairs in the loft, on Seonghwa and Yeosang’s bed; a simple pillow top mattress resting on the floor. Hongjoong blinks around, and there doesn’t look to be much else in the room. There are two wooden nightstands, a full body mirror next to a set of dressers. There’s a rolling clothes rack that must belong to Seonghwa because Hongjoong recognizes the shirt hanging on the end. There’s fairy lights suspended around the small space, and a wall decorated in a mural of polaroid pictures.

_Holy shit_. Last night immediately begins flooding in through Hongjoong’s recollection. It feels like he got plowed over by a fucking truck. That was some damn good sleep, though.

Hongjoong yawns as his lagging mind pieces together his situation and the fact that he has work at his internship this morning. And he feels something like a dam breaking in his core, realizing that he would really like for everything to just pause for a moment; realizing that this may be the first time that he does not want to walk through the doors of KQ headquarters. 

He loves everything he does so much, he really does, but it still feels like too much sometimes. Hongjoong loves too much.

He also really, really needs to take a piss right now and life is so unfair sometimes, he really does _not_ want to get up. He doesn’t need a two-week tropical vacation or anything extravagant he really just wants to lounge in bed all day with Seonghwa.

Hongjoong groans, sluggishly turning around to face Seonghwa, who also seems to have been woken by Hongjoong’s alarm. 

They look at each other. 

Hongjoong feels warm, blushy. He feels faint and florid. 

They… really did that last night. Seonghwa’s cardigan is still unbuttoned, his chest made of silk, and his hair is as fucked up as Hongjoong has ever seen it. Hongjoong finds it surreal that it was his hands that did that. 

Hongjoong is pretty sure that one of them ought to be saying good morning or something normal right now but none of that is happening. He’s just looking from Seonghwa’s eyes to Seonghwa’s lips and back again as he experiences somewhat of a very feral clawing inside his chest. 

“We’re… not on the couch,” Hongjoong finally croaks. 

“I- I thought you’d be more comfortable in bed, so I carried you up here, and grabbed your phone too, I’m sorry was that- too much?” Seonghwa’s voice is groggy as he rustles around under the covers a bit. 

“No- god no,” Hongjoong replies quickly. “Uh, thanks. Your bed is… very comfortable….”

Hongjoong feels his blush intensify, creeping down his spine. 

“I almost missed a stair and almost dropped you and we both almost died,” Seonghwa says. 

“Wow, so romantic,” Hongjoong huffs with a small grin. 

There’s something glistening and tender swimming in Seonghwa’s sleepy eyes. But he says nothing and continues to study Hongjoong’s face. 

“I was knocked out cold wasn’t I,” Hongjoong says. 

“Yeah, a little bit,” Seonghwa laughs gently. 

Seonghwa quietly outstretches his hand and places the pads of his fingertips on Hongjoong’s open palm, brushing it aimlessly, and proceeds to loosely intertwine his fingers with Hongjoong’s. Hongjoong wants to scream. 

He tries to speak up, but the pain makes his voice sound small. “That was my alarm for work, unfortunately….”

“Oh, okay, right,” Seonghwa says, and he looks a little sad. He gives Hongjoong’s hand a squeeze and then lets go. 

Hongjoong sighs substantially, feeling incredibly torn. He sits up in bed, a little too fast, which is dizzying. 

“I should leave before… before….”

“Before what?” Seonghwa softly asks, something hiding in his undertone, giving Hongjoong chills. 

Hongjoong inhales a quivering breath, keeping his eyes on Seonghwa’s.

“Before I start begging you to fuck me.”

_Before I pounce on you like a hungry animal,_ he thinks helplessly. 

Hongjoong really can’t believe he spoke such horny things this early in the morning, well, _almost_ can’t believe that he did, but apparently when you wake up in the bed of the boy of your dreams following the night of an astronomical breakthrough, things really do be said.

“You wouldn’t have to beg,” Seonghwa says quietly. 

_Someone please shoot me with a fucking tranquilizer before I fucking attack fucking please-_

“Shit,” Hongjoong startles, his snooze alarm blaring through the stillness. 

Seonghwa sits up in bed now too, looking genuinely concerned. 

“W-Would it be faster for you to clean up and eat breakfast here or….”

“I mean, yeah, I might be late if I go home to get ready, but I don’t wanna like-”

“Please stay. I’ll get started on breakfast. And you can borrow my clothes,” Seonghwa insists, peeling away the covers around them with a flourish. 

They wander downstairs and Hongjoong notices that Yeosang isn’t home. He had almost expected to see Yeosang crashed on the couch; had mostly assumed that Yeosang returned home late last night to find Hongjoong on his side of the bed. But he must’ve stayed the night with Wooyoung after their dinner or went to Jongho’s place instead.

It takes Hongjoong every ounce of his strength to refrain from demanding Seonghwa to join him in the shower, but he refreshes himself as fast as he can and gets dressed in a set of Seonghwa’s clothes; a white t-shirt, denim overalls, and a baggy cardigan. 

After rolling up the pant legs of the overalls a bit so that he doesn’t trip, he makes his way towards the kitchen bar table to have a seat at one of the stools, where Seonghwa is neatly setting out Hongjoong’s breakfast. There’s a huge, fluffy gyeran-mari, a bowl of steaming rice, apple slices, a glass of water, a glass of orange juice, and a cup of coffee. Hongjoong takes in the sight and is just about ready to drop the L Bomb. 

“Holy hell, thank you…,” Hongjoong says in awe, but Seonghwa just waves him off, as if all he had to do was snap his fingers in order for the feast to appear. 

“I’m gonna go shower… but- I promise I’ll be out in time to say goodbye,” Seonghwa assures, to which Hongjoong rolls his eyes teasingly. 

“‘Kay,” he chirps, staring at Seonghwa’s ass, still in the pair of his borrowed joggers, as Seonghwa leaves for the bathroom.

God, today is going to be rough.

It’s 20 or so minutes later when Hongjoong is sliding on his shoes and adjusting Seonghwa’s cardigan around his shoulders, his stomach full and cared for. Seonghwa walks over to the entryway in his robe, his hair is still wet, offering up a baggie of snacks that he packed for Hongjoong to take with him.

“You look pretty. Have a good shift at work,” Seonghwa says, kind of shyly, but sunny and bright all the same. 

Hongjoong low-key gapes at him as if he’s some sort of an illusion. 

“Thank you…,” he gulps, wondering how on earth he’s supposed to say goodbye. 

Seonghwa reaches around Hongjoong to open up the front door, and he steps through the barrier, promptly turning back around at the honeyed voice that calls for him. 

“Wait, Hongjoong, can I kiss you?”

Hongjoong cannot find his voice so he just nods. 

Because he’s now outside of the walls of the apartment he knows that it’ll be okay. If he was still inside the boundaries of the home it would certainly be dangerous. Hongjoong recollects how many times he’s stood on this side of the doorway, heart beating beyond his control.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong lean forward at the same time, just lightly resting their hands on each other as their lips come together in perfect harmony. Hongjoong is glad that Seonghwa initiated this, he’s been craving this from the moment they woke up. 

It’s no ordinary goodbye kiss, it’s kind of an I-want-you kiss in all honesty, kind of obscene for daytime hours. Hongjoong suspects that Seonghwa would have him pinned up against the wall if he was still even one step inside the entryway. And if not, then Hongjoong certainly wouldn’t hesitate to pin Seonghwa down. 

Hongjoong can’t help but reach his tongue forward, surprised to feel Seonghwa’s tongue pressing against his in return, and he gives the tiniest of moans at the texture and the taste. It’s embarrassing letting these noises escape in broad daylight but damn, fuck, he wants to kiss Seonghwa all day. He wants Seonghwa’s lips all over his body. 

They pull back ever so slightly, and it feels as if they’re both waiting for the other to push back in for more, but neither of them do. The tips of their noses remain connected, and Hongjoong can feel Seonghwa’s fingertips so delicately, almost tickling the side of his neck. 

Hongjoong knows that this kiss is going to make him weak in the knees all day long. Whatever all of this is with Seonghwa, he wants it. Without a doubt now, he wants it. He wants to hear Seonghwa call him baby again. 

“I really do not want to but I gotta go,” Hongjoong murmurs, keeping his lips hovering by Seonghwa’s. 

Seonghwa nods, reluctantly pulling away. “Call me as soon as you can so we can, uh… talk.”

Of fucking course Seonghwa wants to have a civilized conversation about what the hell they did.

Hongjoong nods enthusiastically, gives Seonghwa a quick peck on the cheek, and leaves before he can whip out his phone and call in at work and tell them that he landed his ass in the hospital or something and unfortunately will not be able to come in today. What he does do is pull up his texts with San.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

i turned down morning sex with seonghwa i’ll never fucking forgive myself

  
  


Naturally, San replies less than a minute later. 

  
  


**(sannieee):**

WAIT BITCH WHAT

?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Hongjoong:**

walking into work now i’ll text u later 

much to tell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
> 
> ok these boys rlly need to talk about their feelings lmao 😰 and maybe kiss some more idk 💦💦
> 
> joong’s favorite words are seonghwa & fuck 
> 
> and ok wow I thought that I was gonna have a lot to say but I’m actually kinda speechless lol no thoughts head empty, only ateez new hair, only blueberry hongjoong
> 
> aaa I’m actually itching to tell you guys about a couple of surprises I have in the works… but don’t wanna say anything too soon so gonna hold out on that til next time I think just pls know that I am working on things 👀
> 
> N E WAYS I KNOW I SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD BUT TRULY THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR READING THIS 
> 
> if you’ve left kudos, if you’ve reached out in the comments, if you’ve bookmarked or subscribed or have literally taken the time to interact with this story in any way, if you’ve kept this fic in a tab on your browser or if you’ve shared it with an atiny friend, you’ve really touched my heart. thank you for being such a light in my life. keep shining your light, your own, irreplaceable light, don’t lose hope, hold on. I rlly want the best for all of you in your lives 🌟
> 
> I’m a very sappy person I’m gonna shut up now see you guys next week bye 
> 
> me: im speechless  
> also me: writes long ass end note
> 
> //////////
> 
> mentioned songs + inspo songs: [tingles playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsenJSIypLny7PJCW9MaPCQacRSzNcTmG)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw angst up ahead 
> 
> but I promise I rip it off fast like a bandaid and there are happy things waiting beyond this :') ❤️❤️
> 
> thank you so much for stopping by to read!!!!!!

The past several hours have been an outright blur for Hongjoong. He’s trying to function like a normal human being at work while his mind is shrouded in explicit memories of how perfectly he had fit on Seonghwa’s lap and how Seonghwa’s body had felt on top of his. He’s been shamelessly fantasizing about Seonghwa shoving him down onto his couch, Hongjoong’s couch, whichever couch, and fucking the living daylights out of him but he has to force himself to stop because walking around at work with a boner is not helping Hongjoong’s productivity. Wearing Seonghwa’s clothes all day isn’t helping anything either.

His lunch break finally arrives around 1:00PM and he takes the opportunity to at least text Seonghwa as he sits in the break room with a meal that he picked up from a cafe nearby, alongside the snacks that Seonghwa had packed for him. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

work wants me dead today T_T

**(seonghwa):**

I’m so sorry, please live 😢

Fighting ✊

**Hongjoong:**

i will, and thank u 

gotta stay alive so I can see your face again

**(seonghwa):**

I want to see your face again too

  
  


Hongjoong runs his teeth over the tip of his tongue.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

is there anything else you’d like to see again 

  
  


He sets his phone down on the table a little too hard and bangs his knee on the underside of the table as he tries to cross his legs. He nibbles at his lunch, greeting a few others who are joining him in the breakroom, looking just as exhausted as he does. 

Hongjoong tries to wait a full 10 minutes before checking his phone again and he’s glad that he doesn’t have any food in his mouth when he does. 

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

Yes

  
  


Seonghwa’s reply goes directly to Hongjoong’s dick and he wants to fucking scream in this tiny room filled with his colleagues and mentors and very well-respected people in the music industry. 

He darts his eyes around the room self-consciously. 

Hongjoong spends the rest of his lunch typing things out just to delete them and never send them. He either wants to say things that are really sappy or really horny and his break will definitely not allow enough time for either of those conversations to flourish. 

So he simply settles with an emoji, choosing one that he’s been wanting to send to Seonghwa for quite a while now. 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

❤️

**(seonghwa):**

❤️

  
  


This stupid little red heart ignites a new source of energy in Hongjoong, that is, until he hits an inevitable afternoon slump, this day apparently never-ending.

And as if Hongjoong wasn’t already feeling sluggish and restless, he was not at all expecting to stay for a solid 10-hour shift. Of all days, _today_ they ask him to work extra late. But it’s probably a good thing in a way. Hongjoong’s concentration and effort has been undeniably off at work lately and he knows it shouldn’t be this way. He really needs to find a balance of being equally head over heels for Seonghwa as he is captivated by the world of music producing. He’s sure that he cannot live without either. 

But he’s absolutely itching to speak with Seonghwa, walking as fast as his legs allow him once he’s finally free and on his way home around 6:00PM. 

The more he thinks about it the more he realizes how badly they really do need to talk, because they literally just slobbered all over each other’s faces and rubbed their dicks together and then Hongjoong was fucking knocked out cold and then he had to leave. Neither of them had actually confessed or anything… yet. Hongjoong is anxious and he needs to know what’s going on. He also needs to know how soon and when exactly he can see Seonghwa again because he’s a clingy little bitch. 

Hongjoong storms through his front door, swinging his backpack off of his shoulder as he kicks away his shoes. 

“You guys home?” he shouts out, with no reply from Mingi or Yunho. 

He plops down on the couch and calls Seonghwa without waiting a minute more. But it rings and rings, and Seonghwa doesn't answer. 

Hongjoong frowns, but maybe Seonghwa is busy taking his second shower of the day or something. 

Instinctively, he turns to Instagram, and quickly learns that Seonghwa is most likely not occupied in the bathroom.

There’s a selfie posted on Seonghwa’s Instagram story, and he looks, fucking spectacular, wearing green contacts and a thin velvet choker and Hongjoong is sweating rather profusely at this. The text on the image reads:

  
  


**MARS TMI LIVESTREAM!**

**TONIGHT @ 6:00 KST**

**Come chat with me! ^_^**

  
  


Seonghwa does these MARS TMI livestreams on a monthly basis, and even selects a handful of viewers to video chat with him each time to make it more personal. And supposedly he does them in ASMR too, whispering the whole time. 

Hongjoong had never actually tuned in for one because he was terrified of seeing Mars in live time. Which is a hilarious thing to think about now. But he’s seen Seonghwa’s thank yous following the streams, and his various repostings of screenshots that viewers have captured and shared. 

Hongjoong decides that he ought to pop in to the stream while he waits for Seonghwa to be available because why not. Maybe he’ll type something stupid in the chat and see if Seonghwa happens to notice his comment there among hundreds of thousands of others. 

He has to download the app that Seonghwa uses for streaming, but after he does he finds himself looking at Seonghwa, who’s sitting at his kitchen bar table, giggling about something mid-sentence and looking through the comments that are pouring in on the screen. Hongjoong can’t help but blush because he’s a little bit fucking whipped and he still can’t believe that he woke up in Seonghwa’s bed this morning. 

“Okay, I think it’s time for our next guest?” Seonghwa says, clapping his hands together, very small and light. “It’s connecting now I think.” 

A little rectangle in the bottom corner of the screen appears and a dude with headphones on is there, smiling and waving back at Seonghwa. They greet each other and Seonghwa asks him a bit about himself, and then the guy ends up asking Seonghwa if he has any advice for someone who is interested in becoming an ASMRtist. 

“Try thinking outside of the box,” Seonghwa begins, after pondering for a moment. “It’s great to start out by experimenting with triggers and props that other ASMRtists frequently use, but if you can take that inspiration and apply it towards finding your own style then it can become so much more rewarding, for both you and those who discover your content. So don’t ever be afraid to do your own thing, that would be my advice.”

Hongjoong is nodding enthusiastically as he listens, as if he’s about to start his own ASMR channel and is soaking in all of this wisdom from Mars. He just really loves how Seonghwa speaks. 

Seonghwa reads through some more comments after he wraps things up with that guest, and before long he’s connecting with the next video chat. 

It’s a girl with short hair and a shy expression and she greets Seonghwa in both English and Korean and they cheerfully exchange a few words. 

She isn’t Korean, which is pretty cool to see that people from all over the place are tuning in, but isn't it some ungodly hour of morning in the West. Her Korean is very good actually. Maybe she lives in Korea, or is half Korean or something? Either that or she’s studying the language very actively. 

“Sorry, you probably get asked this a lot, but you’re such a lovely person and I’m really interested in your life outside of ASMR,” she’s now saying, using her hands a lot as she does. “Are you in a relationship or do you have a special someone? Or are you involved with any of the people you collaborate with, because, you all seem close and have really great chemistry with each other, I’m just so curious.”

She’s rambly about it and seems nervous and asks it nicely enough. But no amount of kindness can cut through how uncomfortable it really kind of is. 

Seonghwa has his mouth wide open as he’s seemingly trying to process what was just asked of him. And he’s not whispering at all when he responds. 

“Oh, um, no- no I don’t- there’s no one, like that, I’m not- they’re just friends.”

Hongjoong stares. 

Okay. 

Okay. First of all, who is this nosy bitch. This is a really personal thing to ask in a livestream. Sure, Seonghwa calls the whole thing “TMI”, but still. The line here between being curious and insensitive is kind of… blurred. 

But, he almost gets it though. Hongjoong had been curious about the very same thing. Back before he knew Seonghwa.

Hongjoong suddenly feels sick. 

He stands up, not knowing where to go or what to do with himself. He sits back down. 

He’s not sure what the girl’s response was, isn't sure what Seonghwa is saying now, he isn’t hearing anything. There’s just an empty ringing in his ears.

Hongjoong swallows thickly, and breathes. 

What exactly did he want to hear. What did he expect? What did he think Seonghwa would say. But why does this really kind of sting…. 

What the fuck…. 

Hongjoong takes a larger breath in and out, and he feels awful for Seonghwa, awful that Seonghwa was put on the spot like that. Where the fuck and what the fuck is the livestream moderator doing. Hongjoong knows that Seonghwa has got to have some sort of a mod, with how big his following is. Shouldn’t all of these guests and questions be screened beforehand for Seonghwa’s safety or something?

But it hurts, this _hurts_. Hongjoong feels unsettled. Upset. He feels like he listened in on something that he wasn’t meant to hear. 

He exits out of the livestream on his phone and goes into his room and slips under the covers of his bed because he really doesn't know where else to go. 

Last night…. 

Did last night really happen? Was it real? Did it mean anything to Seonghwa.

Was it just to distract Hongjoong, to take his mind off of the thunderstorm? Was it just a one-off. Like it often was for whoever Hongjoong found himself underneath. 

But what was that breakfast for then, and the kiss goodbye. The way Seonghwa looked at him… the way he always looks at him…. The way he… the way Hwa had kissed him. Hwa called him beautiful. 

If they _were_ to actually be in a relationship… would he ruin Seonghwa’s image? Would they have to keep it a secret? That’s fine with Hongjoong, if so. It’s important to have privacy online, and maybe that’s exactly the reason for Seonghwa’s response in the livestream, but would people find out and would Seonghwa get backlash for his sexuality? As far as Hongjoong knows, Seonghwa hasn’t been in a relationship since starting up Mars ASMR. 

God, he really wants Seonghwa. He wants to belong to Seonghwa and he wants Seonghwa to belong to him. But does Seonghwa want that…? Hongjoong doesn’t want a repeat of a casual college fling, which is basically most of all he’s ever known. _This_ is what Hongjoong has been fighting back ever since Seonghwa told him that he’s lonely too. 

He had worked hard at trying to make this whole thing not fucking casual. He put effort into going about things differently this time because that’s what Seonghwa deserves, Seonghwa deserves so much… _so much_. But Seonghwa was sitting there acting as if Hongjoong doesn’t exist. As if last night didn’t exist. 

Hongjoong shifts uncomfortably in bed. He’s disgusted that he’s even thinking this way right now. How unfair to Seonghwa’s feelings. What would Hongjoong have done if he was asked the same thing in front of thousands of live, online viewers…. Hongjoong is confused. Why is this hurting so badly.

But what had he been thinking. Trying to get with Park Seonghwa? Mars ASMR? A living angel? What makes him think that he deserves someone as overwhelmingly caring and incredible as Seonghwa.

It’s as if memories are turning pages of a book in his mind, of Seonghwa’s warmth Seonghwa’s smile Seonghwa’s cooking Seonghwa’s singing Seonghwa’s kiss Seonghwa’s voice Seonghwa’s embrace. 

Hongjoong feels so, so sick. He curls himself up tighter underneath his covers. 

He just really, really feels like he listened in on something that he shouldn’t have heard…. 

_There’s no one._

Seonghwa’s words are echoing, scraping in his ears. 

_Call me as soon as you can so we can, uh… talk._

What if Seonghwa meant that he wants to talk about boundaries. Not about getting together. Hongjoong can’t know for sure, he can’t put himself in Seonghwa’s mind. 

They didn’t get a chance to talk because Hongjoong had to go to work. He’s careless and impatient and… Hongjoong doesn’t and can’t blame Seonghwa when it comes down to it. Hongjoong was the one who straddled Seonghwa and then left first thing in the morning.

It’s suddenly apparent to Hongjoong why he isn’t in a relationship and why he shouldn’t be in one. This is probably why his ex cheated on him, because it was _easy to_. Even in school he had been a workaholic, he always fails to give his loved ones the time they deserve. If he didn’t have his internship he could’ve stayed. If he didn’t have his internship…. No, _no_. 

Hongjoong throws his bed covers over himself entirely, the air now even harder to breathe. 

He doesn’t understand how things change so quickly. Last night he was in heaven, and now he’s miserable and confused. He wonders if this is what it feels like for females during their god forsaken time of the month.

He thought that he was getting so close to letting go of fear… the closer he got to Seonghwa the closer fear felt irrelevant but he’s suddenly petrified again; closer to being back at square one. 

He _knows_ that he’s probably overthinking all of this but why does it still hurt, why does he want to hide away.

Hongjoong’s phone starts ringing. And as he peeks his head out of his shelter to look at his phone, he sees that it’s Seonghwa calling back. 

_Shit_. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been cocooned in bed but the livestream must be over now. 

Hongjoong doesn’t know if he’ll even be able to physically talk to Seonghwa right now. He doesn’t know if he can do this right now.

His phone stops ringing, and he sees his lock screen wallpaper. 

It’s a photo of them, with a cat ears filter, both of them holding their hands near their faces as if they have claws, scrunching their noses, their cheeks just barely touching. 

There’s a small voice in the back of Hongjoong’s mind that reminds him that Seonghwa had kissed him first.

And he can’t hold it in anymore. 

Hongjoong cries, actually sobs, unlike he has in quite a while. 

It hurts… it hurts how much he wants Seonghwa. It feels like the thunderstorm is trapped in his chest, it hurts, the pain is loud and violent. Why did he have to bottle everything up, all of these feelings all along. 

Hongjoong’s throat is burning from the onslaught of tears, his temples pounding. He rolls off of his side and onto his knees, curling his body in, pressing the crown of his head into his pillow. If only he could rewind time and go back to the evening that Seonghwa had been in his bed by his side, singing. Everything felt so good then, everything felt so hopeful.

“ _Fuck_ ….”

With an ugly heave, he melts down, sprawling out on his stomach and clutching tightly to his pillow, just as desperately as he’s trying to hold on to whatever stability he had prior to tonight. 

He swipes his phone away, towards somewhere else, he doesn’t even know where it lands, because he doesn’t want to see if Seonghwa tries to text. He despises the sound of his own weeping. He hopes that he can just let it all out in one go. 

Hongjoong isn’t aware of what time it is exactly when he’s finally crawling out of bed, hiccuping and trudging to the bathroom. 

He kind of just stands in the middle of the bathroom for a few seconds, not even blinking really, and decidedly gets some water running in the tub. 

As he’s removing his clothes, Hongjoong glances at the mirror, his swollen eyes peering back at him. His ears and nose are scarlet too, and he sees the markings that Seonghwa left on his skin and he starts sobbing some more. 

Hongjoong wants Seonghwa to cover him in more, more and more and more until he’s no longer his own.

He sits in the warm bath water and wonders if he had left any traces on Seonghwa.

He wonders if Seonghwa meant what he said in the livestream. Is Hongjoong not his special someone, or did he say what he said to protect them. Hongjoong is scared to find out which one it is. Maybe he doesn’t want to find out.

Hongjoong feels that he dies and is reborn again every single time Seonghwa looks at him. He’s so confused, but all he can think about is how secure Seonghwa makes him feel, how he fulfills so many deep needs in Hongjoong. In all of the areas that Hongjoong is lacking, Seonghwa makes up for them. All he can do is think about Seonghwa fucking him, loving his body, fantasizing about what it might be like to have their hearts on the same page.

He vaguely remembers that he has unread messages from San. He has yet to text San back, to tell him the details of what had happened, but now, he really doesn't feel like gushing about it at all. 

He sniffles, and languidly splashes the water around with his hand. He just… needs to take a moment to be sad.

He just needs some time to step away, and be lonely like he’s meant to be. 

//////////

Hongjoong doesn’t respond to Seonghwa the next day when he calls and texts.

Or the next day. 

He’s working on filling orders this week as always, although he’s mislocated his normal zeal for it. Going in to work at KQ is painful, his creativity is zapped, and he’s not sleeping. He’s eating his meals though, and he’s brushing his teeth.

And he’s taking a bath every day. He’s taken more baths this past week than he has all year. He doesn’t even have time for baths usually, but now he suddenly does, somehow. He likes to soak in the water until it turns cold, staring ahead at the tile. 

But the texts that Hongjoong is receiving from Seonghwa over the course of the week really are killing him slowly.

  
  


**(seonghwa):**

Hope you’re ok 

**(seonghwa):**

I hope we can talk soon 

**(seonghwa):**

Joong? 

**(seonghwa):**

I miss you 

**(seonghwa):**

Did I do something wrong 

**(seonghwa):**

I think I know what I did wrong 

**(seonghwa):**

I’m sorry I’m pestering you just please Hongjoong at least send me an emoji if you’re safe and ok and if you don't hate me 

You owe me something remember? The day we colored your hair

You asked me what you could do for me I want to use my coupon now I want to hear from you 

I know you have every right to void that and it’s not right of me to force you but please please try to understand that I’m so concerned

**(seonghwa):**

I feel like I’m losing you 

  
  


Fuck. 

Fuck, he misses Seonghwa.

And he’s _hurting_ Seonghwa.

Why is his mind playing things out as if he’s the victim in all of this. Why does it seem as if it’ll be the most agonizing thing ever to face Seonghwa and talk to him about how he’s feeling. 

Hongjoong has a moment of clarity but it’s short-lived.

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

🍓

**(seonghwa):**

Thank you

I’m worried sick about you Hongjoong 

  
  


He almost calls Seonghwa right on the spot, but his throat is constricting at the thought.

Because he knows that when and if he does talk to Seonghwa, he will have to spill his whole heart, there will be no way around it. And he’s never done that before, he’s never cared about another person this much and in this way.

Eventually, at some point during this very murky week, Hongjoong is getting text messages from everybody. 

  
  


**(strong jong):**

Hey I hope you have a great day! 

Hope you’ve gotten some fresh air and sunshine 

I’m always down for a walk around the park or something if you need some company

**(woo):**

hey cutie booty 😘 

me and sani are going out dancing tomorrow night 

u should come w usssss

**(sannieee):**

hey bb i miss you 😭

are you doing ok?

i have lots of hugs to give u whenever we hang next 💕💕

i miss ur face 🌻

i have a lot of hope that you’ll figure things out and feel better in your own time 

you’re allowed to take time for yourself 

just know that I love you and ofc I’m here for you if you find that you do want to chat about what’s going on and how you feel 

ilysm hongie 💖💖💖💖💖

**(yeo):**

Are you ok

Because as far as I know none of us have heard from you all week

Not to make it sound like we’re all talking about you behind your back but 

We kind of are

Seonghwa is important to me and I don’t feel so great seeing him so fucking distraught 

If you can’t talk to him at least talk to me or someone

Bottling things up doesn’t do any good

  
  


If Hongjoong wasn’t scared before now he’s _terrified_.

Yeosang is a soft prince, sure, but he’s also savage as fuck. 

But he’s right. Hongjoong feels, and knows, that he needs to open up and talk to someone soon. He’s sulked for long enough, _too_ long; he can’t keep living like this, he can’t avoid his friends forever. He can’t avoid Seonghwa. He can’t worry everyone.

Seonghwa is distraught…. Fuck. What is Hongjoong doing? What is wrong with his brain? He needs to get a fucking grip.

Mingi and Yunho have been attempting to make him laugh at home all week but they’ve been mostly unsuccessful. Laughing hurts and makes him feel like a fraud.

Hongjoong is feeling especially anxious tonight as he stands numbly at the kitchen sink, rinsing out paint brushes. Mingi and Yunho had returned home from their shifts a few minutes ago and for some reason their presence seems even louder than usual.

“Hey Hongie wanna do pints of ice cream and sheet masks and shitty dramas tonight?” he hears Yunho ask from somewhere behind him. 

It’s almost as if he’s forgotten how to speak over the past several days.

“Hey, Hongjoong,” Mingi speaks out after a beat of silence. “You can be sad and whatever, but don’t you dare fucking shut us out. We love you and when you’re ready to talk you better come to us, or San, Wooyoung, Yeosang, Jongho, better yet Seonghwa. We’d all D word for you.”

“We’d all dick for him? What?” Yunho whispers jokingly.

“We’d all _die_ for him,” Mingi hisses back. 

Hongjoong inhales apprehensively.

“I’m sorry… I’m really so sorry,” he says dolefully, turning around to face Mingi and Yunho. “I’m- I’m scared….”

“Why do you act like you’re on your own? Please, depend on us. That’s what we’re here for,” Yunho presses, sounding both soft and serious now. 

“I….”

Hongjoong worriedly fiddles with his fingers, trying to keep his tears in his eyes. 

Mingi swoops in and grabs his hand, Yunho comes up behind him and places his hands on Hongjoong’s shoulders, and the two of them lead Hongjoong into the living room. 

They fling him onto the couch as if he’s a plush doll, and as he starts to cry, they snuggle up on either side of him, Mingi reclaiming Hongjoong’s hand, and Yunho with his arm wrapped around Hongjoong’s shoulders. 

“You’ve been so quiet this week, it’s been weird…,” Mingi murmurs, placing his head down on top of Hongjoong’s. 

They sit silently together for quite a while, for how long exactly Hongjoong doesn’t know. 

He swallows back as many tears as he can. The ache from how swollen and tired his eyes have become lately is starting to get on his nerves. He just wants to feel okay again. 

“Okay… w-well, this is all about to sound stupid as fuck, but…,” he finally says, trying to steady his voice.

Mingi and Yunho don’t budge. Yunho continues to rub Hongjoong’s shoulder, and Mingi keeps his head rested where it is, and they listen. 

“…I’m afraid Seonghwa doesn’t want me the same way I want him…. Maybe he doesn’t want a relationship because he’s somewhat in the public eye. I’m afraid he’s only interested in me in a casual way like every other person has ever wanted me and I’ve been suppressing it for too long but I definitely don’t want anything casual and I’m scared because I think I might… you know… I think I might….”

Yunho is furrowing his brow in concern. “Uh, have you seen the way he looks at you?”

“You should hear the way he _talks_ about you…,” Mingi adds, just barely audible. 

“What- Wait, you- he was talking about me?” Hongjoong asks, trying not to sound so pathetic but failing pretty hard at it.

“Yeah, we all met up with him for lunch the other day…,” Yunho says. 

“Oh….” 

Hongjoong feels horrible. Everyone had reached out to him and he ignored every single one of them. But apparently Seonghwa had taken everyone up on their offers of comfort and companionship. Hongjoong almost feels embarrassed by his own behavior, and a strange pang of jealousy, too. 

“Would something casual with him be the end of the world?” Mingi questions. “If casual is what he wants, couldn’t you guys always build up from there?”

“Hongjoong, he definitely does _not_ want something casual,” Yunho says flatly, glaring over at Mingi just a bit. 

Hongjoong sighs. “Don’t know why I’m taking advice about this stuff from you two of all people,” he mumbles, shooting both of them a knowing look.

After a second or two both Mingi and Yunho let go of a breath that they seemed to have been holding in, for who knows how long. 

“Yeah… we’re the worst,” Yunho says quietly, grinning sheepishly at Mingi. Mingi smiles in return, but looks back down towards his knees. 

Hongjoong is now hoping that if anything comes out of this fucking mess that Mingi and Yunho will finally end up talking honestly about what they have between them. 

“Have you checked YouTube today at all?” Mingi asks out of the blue.

“No,” Hongjoong sniffles.

“Maybe you should.”

“What Mingi means is that you need to. You really need to check YouTube,” Yunho urges. 

After they hug it out, making one big Yunho-Hongjoong-Mingi sandwich, Hongjoong thanks them delicately and shuffles out of the living room and into his bedroom, Mingi and Yunho having had encouraged him to take a few minutes for himself. 

With his blanket swaddled around him in bed, Hongjoong curls up onto his side and taps on the YouTube app, only to immediately set aside his phone face-down, realizing that he needs to focus on his oxygen levels for a moment. 

He can take a pretty good guess as to why Mingi and Yunho are wanting him to check YouTube, but at the same time he doesn't know exactly why and doesn’t know exactly what he expects to see. 

It looks as though he’s missed quite a few new uploads from his subscriptions over the past few days, but it’s a video at the top of the list that was uploaded 5 hours ago that makes Hongjoong’s breath hitch. 

  
  


_close slow hand movements + message for my only star_

  
  


It’s a Mars ASMR video, and it already has 82K views. God damn. 

Hongjoong is extremely reluctant to click on it. He hasn’t seen Seonghwa since they stood at his front door, enfolded in their kiss goodbye. Hasn’t seen him since the livestream. It feels like it’s been months, not days. 

But Hongjoong is undeniably and equally as curious, because what is up with this unusual video title. All lowercase letters? Is Seonghwa alright? And the video’s thumbnail is out of the ordinary for Seonghwa, too. He’s not even in the thumbnail, there’s nothing but a backdrop that Hongjoong has actually never seen before. It almost looks like a blanket; it’s purple and blue and has a sort of childlike, galaxy-looking print on it, and there are fairy lights hanging vertically in front of it. 

Hongjoong clicks on the video. He can always exit out of it or throw his phone across the room if he needs to. 

It’s strange from the very start because it really doesn't look like Seonghwa is in his apartment at all. What the hell. Where the hell is he.

Seonghwa is sitting in front of the camera, pretty close up, the twinkling backdrop creating a very pleasant glow, and he leans in towards the camera ever so slightly every now and then, as he does slow hand movements across the screen. This is one of Hongjoong’s favorite ASMR triggers; he believes he did mention it to Seonghwa once. 

Seonghwa has his eyes on the camera and as a viewer it really does feel as if he’s looking right at you, and his eyes, they’re so shiny and dark, they’re peaceful but sad. 

Hongjoong might be imagining it or maybe it’s just the lighting but it almost looks like Seonghwa has circles under his eyes, which is another atypical observation. 

But what Hongjoong is not imagining is the earring that is very noticeably dangling from Seonghwa’s earlobe. The earring that Hongjoong gave him. 

Hongjoong continues to stare as the video plays; mesmerized by Seonghwa’s hands. Seonghwa’s hands… the hands that had touched Hongjoong’s body. Hongjoong is feeling a lot of things all at once, things that he doesn't even have labels for. 

As he’s painting his fingers across the camera lens, Seonghwa begins whispering some very nice, unhurried compliments and affirmations that will surely comfort a lot of people who find themselves watching the video. 

“You are so strong….”

“You are worthy of good things….”

“You are admirable….”

“You _are_ going to get through this….”

“I’m proud of you….”

“I’m proud to know you….”

“I’m so proud that you’re in my life….”

“You’re so bright, you should never be hidden away….” 

These go on for 15 minutes or so and Hongjoong is feeling sleepy, and so, _so_ at ease at hearing Seonghwa’s voice. He almost starts crying again for the eight-millionth time.

“You don’t need to be afraid….” 

This catches Hongjoong’s attention because damn he sure would love to not be afraid of anything anymore.

“You know that I’ll be right here, ready to rescue you… here to save you from your lonesomeness, if you’ll let me, right?”

“You’ve helped me so much….”

Seonghwa’s voice kind of changes, ever so suddenly, Hongjoong can’t quite put his finger on it, but… in a way, Hongjoong really does feel like Seonghwa is speaking to him, just like he usually does, just like always. 

With drowsy eyelids he stares at Seonghwa trapped on the other side of the screen. Why does Seonghwa look so sad… why does he look so earnest… why is Hongjoong’s heart hammering throughout his entire chest. 

“I live to hear your laugh… your laughter is my favorite song….”

“You don’t need to be afraid; afraid of being alone, afraid of the thunder or the lightning….”

“Because I’ll protect you forever….”

“We can be afraid together.”

“You’ve changed my life.”

“You’re _beautiful beautiful beautiful_.”

“You’re beautiful….”

“You don’t even see just how beautiful you are….”

“You’re so bright, I’ve had to look away so many times and yet I’ll never be able to keep my eyes off you….”

“Forever you are my star.”

_Forever you are my star_ …. 

_Forever you are my star_ ….

Hongjoong has tears rolling down his face, manifesting from his innermost being, spilling over from his heartbeat, his lip raw and quivering, and he realizes that he never even asked Seonghwa what the name of that song was and who sings it but he doesn’t even care. 

He’s up, he’s tripping over his shit, he’s throwing on a hoodie, and he’s running across town, with a painted canvas tucked underneath his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goodbye angst see u never
> 
> so, feel free to yell at me or hongjoong now lol
> 
> this mess was inspired(?) BY HOW ANNOYING I CAN BE oof why am I so prone to just- avoid things lmao. I hate confrontation I’m an overthinker I suppress my feelings. I’m aware of these things and u know, we just out here trying to accept flaws that we can’t change much, while trying to become better each and every day in areas that we can 💖💖💖
> 
> ‼️ SOME GOOD HAPPY NEWS THOUGH LOL ‼️
> 
> I wrote a 🥵💦 SMUTTY ONE-SHOT 🥵💦 for Tingles and it’ll be up a few days after chapter 12 so pls do look forward to that!!
> 
> it’s got fluff, a lot of smut, more of seongjoong’s antics, and it’s mostly seonghwa POV! 🌟
> 
> next chapter will be up saturday (07/11), the one-shot will follow on wednesday (07/15), and the epilogue will be up on saturday (07/18)!!! that’s the plan and I’m set on sticking to it! 🥰
> 
> also ateez comeback oh lord a bitch is wheezing and the bitch is meeeee 😭👏
> 
> thank you guys so much for sticking around 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
> 
> //////////
> 
> stuff in this chapter:  
> [ASMR inspo](https://youtu.be/vc8Hgzl8JN8)  
> mentioned songs + inspo songs: [tingles playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsenJSIypLny7PJCW9MaPCQacRSzNcTmG)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello sweet beans there’s a bit of smut at the very end of this chapter!
> 
> there’s no page break or anything so if you would prefer to skip it you can avert your eyes after the section with the text messages and skip to around the last paragraph lol!!
> 
> happy reading!!! 🥰

Seonghwa isn’t home.

Hongjoong took the subway to trim out a little bit of time, but he’s still entirely winded as he runs the last stretch to Seonghwa’s place, cutting through the dark of night, and as he’s standing in front of Seonghwa’s door too, wheezing and probably looking like a lunatic. 

Yeosang just so happens to be there, grabbing some of his boxed-up belongings, still in limbo between residences.

He’s the one to answer the door in response to Hongjoong’s frantic knocking.

“He’s been camped out at Treasure’s place for the week taking care of her while her parents are on a business trip,” Yeosang explains, looking rather surprised to see Hongjoong, who is now hunched over a bit and taking the moment to catch his breath. 

“Okay. Would it be like, creepy if I ask you where exactly Treasure lives?”

“Yes.”

“Yeosang I will buy you chicken every week for the rest of my life I swear-”

Yeosang cuts Hongjoong off by holding up a hand.

“Maybe… if we work out some sort of chicken agreement… then maybe.”

Hongjoong is on his way to Pyeongchang-dong a handful of minutes later, after having received a big hug from Yeosang. God, he had missed Yeosang, he misses Seonghwa he misses everybody and the way things used to be. Hongjoong made sure to quickly thank Yeosang for his texts from the other day, letting him know that even though Hongjoong was a coward and an ass and didn’t reply to him, that his messages had still helped a lot. 

It’s a quieted taxicab that carries Hongjoong towards the mountainous and wealthy neighborhood that Treasure apparently lives in. He would’ve booked the next flight to a different country if that’s what it would take to see Seonghwa as soon as possible. Hongjoong isn’t even sure why Yeosang knows of Treasure’s exact home address, but he’s grateful for it, and doesn't have enough mental capacity to question it too much. 

He’s sitting in the back seat of the vehicle with his knees pressed together, all of the city lights and headlights whipping past him, evocative and busy. 

Hongjoong looks down at the canvas in his lap. Although there’s no significant light inside the taxi, he can still see the blend of yellow and white paint that he used for the star; big and bright and impenetrable against the darkness. He’s vaguely aware that he’s still crying. 

He can’t believe that Seonghwa went so far as to include a message for him in an ASMR video. He can’t believe the words that Seonghwa spoke. This… really means everything to Hongjoong. Simply everything. This _changes_ everything. 

Hongjoong isn’t sure how long it takes, all he knows is that it takes too long, but he’s finally swinging his legs out of the taxi in front of an enormous American-style home, heart hammering as he thanks the driver in an anxious voice. 

He cautiously makes his way towards the front door as he listens to the tires of the taxi grow further away, and he’s left now with nothing but the steady call of cicadas and his own pulse in his ears. 

The home has double front doors, and Hongjoong is honestly kind of stumped about which one to knock on. He settles for the door on the left, and takes a tiny step backwards after he does. 

It’s going on 9:30PM, Seonghwa _should_ still be awake, and Hongjoong is about to knock again, for fear that Seonghwa might not have heard the first time, when the doorknob makes a feeble clicking sound. 

The door opens vigilantly and Seonghwa is peeking out from the other side, wearing a sleeveless top and sweatpants, his skin glowing and his hair unstyled. 

He looks shocked; shocked to see Hongjoong. That and maybe Hongjoong looks even more like shit than he realized; his face wet with tears, his nose a swollen ruby. 

He sincerely looks as if he had not expected to see Hongjoong, maybe ever again, and Hongjoong doesn't like that.

Seonghwa is looking from Hongjoong’s face to the canvas in his hands and back again with very woeful, widened eyes. 

Again, Seonghwa is wearing the earring that Hongjoong gave him. Hongjoong is already crying but is somehow getting choked up all over again at the sight of this. Hongjoong wonders if Seonghwa had filmed the video today and uploaded it right away, or if he had just chosen to wear the earring today, too. He wonders how often Seonghwa does wear it. 

“Joong…,” Seonghwa whispers.

Just hearing Seonghwa say his name makes Hongjoong want to embrace him and never let go, never let go ever again. 

“I… um…,” Seonghwa says, looking around a bit as if the neighbors are sitting in lounge chairs on their front lawns, watching with bags of popcorn in hand. “You probably shouldn’t be here….”

Hongjoong almost wants to yell at Seonghwa. He better be allowed to be here because he’s fucking here and he watched Seonghwa’s video and his heartstrings are on fire and he’s finally ready to make things right. But Hongjoong is convinced that he could never find it in him to yell at Seonghwa. 

“Um, I’m…,” Seonghwa fumbles, “…are you…? are you….” 

The taller boy can’t seem to find words and they both just stare, their eyes clear, poignant puddles, paralyzed at the sight of each other. 

“Could- could you come around to the back, around the house to the left, we could talk back there….”

Hongjoong doesn’t even nod, he just turns on his heel and follows Seonghwa’s directions right away, his feet tramping blindly through the grass in the darkened yard. There are some sensored lights in the landscaping that start illuminating at Hongjoong’s presence, and he sees a door in a wooden fence up ahead. It has a simple manual lock that’s easy to open. The property seems huge and Hongjoong is actually really surprised that it’s not in a gated community with higher security. Must be a notoriously safe neighborhood or something. 

More of the sensored lighting is stuck here and there throughout the backyard and Hongjoong catches an indistinct glimpse of a gazebo, a garden, and an outlook over the mountains, the shadowy hills a crisp silhouette against the indigo sky. 

His eyes immediately search for Seonghwa and Seonghwa only though, who is carefully sliding the back door closed, searching for Hongjoong in return. 

Hongjoong makes his way over to where Seonghwa remains, and he’s suddenly, so very suddenly, not feeling as tense…. He feels like a limp noodle, like he could fall to his knees, like he could float up and up and up and see the city from a bird’s-eye view. 

Seonghwa is peering shyly at Hongjoong, somewhat teetering back and forth like a seesaw, and in this moment Hongjoong knows that Seonghwa’s sole existence will keep his feet on the ground. 

“Treasure is asleep inside… I should stay close to the door… I mean, I _would_ invite you in, but it’s not my place and-”

“It’s okay,” Hongjoong says quietly. 

They stare at each other.

“Are you okay Hongjoong?” Seonghwa asks, and it’s in such a soft voice. 

God, fuck, _he_ should be the one asking Seonghwa if _he’s_ okay. 

“I- I’m fine… I saw your video and I’m fine,” he responds timidly, trying to unearth an appropriate volume for his voice. 

Seonghwa appears to be on the brink of tears. Hongjoong captures another weak breath. 

“And I’m sorry… I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m s….”

Hongjoong starts sobbing. Seonghwa says nothing and looks absolutely horrified. He almost starts to reach a very worried, uncertain hand out towards Hongjoong. 

“I tried to call y-you, after work that day, I s-saw that you were doing Mars TMI….”

Seonghwa takes in a shaky breath of his own, his expression so sorrowful, already looking as if he knows what Hongjoong is about to say.

“I heard what you s-said to that one girl and I felt… invisible.”

Seonghwa’s face is pained. 

“God Hongjoong I’m so fucking sorry, I can’t even tell you just how f-”

“No no no Seonghwa-”

“We hadn’t talked about what happened between us yet and I just-” Seonghwa’s voice dies out, sounding utterly remorseful. 

“I know I know H-Hwa I’m not mad at y-you I’ve been mad at myself I’ve been a mess I was hiding,” Hongjoong gasps, feeling his vocal chords tremble uncomfortably. He lets his canvas painting lean up against his legs and pads at his eyes with the palms of his hands. 

“You’re not mad at me…?”

“No you did nothing wrong. I’ve been hating myself for the past week and pitying myself and confused and wallowing, I’m disgusting.”

“ _I’ve_ been hating myself,” Seonghwa says, “and you’re not disgusting in the slightest. I wish you would’ve talked to me….”

“I know I’m sorry I fucking suck,” Hongjoong sighs, his chest heavy. He inhales deeply.

“And- and I like you, a lot, if- if that wasn’t obvious already… like, I’m attracted to you, I have feelings for you….”

“I like you too…,” Seonghwa says after a beat, in a hushed voice, and he offers a tender smile, and just the ghost of a laugh. 

Hongjoong is about to open his mouth and further explain that he really, _really_ likes Seonghwa, and spell out very clearly that he wants to be in an actual serious relationship with him when Seonghwa speaks out. 

“I’m a hypocrite. My ex kept me a secret. I didn’t mean to make you feel like a secret… I’m so sorry for making you feel like a secret….”

Seonghwa pauses for a moment to blink back his tears. 

“I was just trying to protect you or us or whatever’s going on between us…. Rumors about me and Yeo dating have always made him uncomfortable, he’s my best friend and you’ve become one of my best friends too and I was scared I didn’t know how to react at all. I hadn't even had the chance yet to tell you just how special you are to me… I didn't want my first time confessing that to be on a livestream….”

Hongjoong is just nodding his head in complete understanding, trying not to sniffle too violently. Seonghwa’s words in his heartfelt video paired with the words he’s speaking now make perfect sense. It’s what Hongjoong had desperately hoped all along, but feared might not be true. 

“…Guess it’s ironic though because I kind of ended up confessing to you in a YouTube video, which isn't any better…,” Seonghwa murmurs, laughing just a bit.

Hongjoong gives him a sad smile. He doesn't even know where to begin with telling Seonghwa just how much the video means to him. 

“I can’t take all the credit for it though… San, um, was the one to suggest that I do it,” Seonghwa reveals.

Hongjoong stares at Seonghwa and his jaw drops, the corners of his mouth tugging up ever so slightly. 

“Um… San was, actually, the one who suggested… well, he told me, after I was talking about you, that I should try my own ASMR thing and tag you in it and yeah….”

They take a moment to smile candidly at each other and to shake their heads a bit at this revelation and it’s the biggest the both of them have smiled in a little while. Do they both owe Choi San their lives now?

“I don't know if I can forgive myself for hurting you,” Seonghwa goes on, looking very solemn again, his misty eyes prioritized on Hongjoong’s. 

“You didn't hurt me, it was my own insecurity that got to me and, also, I’m- I am so sorry to hear that… about your ex…,” Hongjoong speaks. 

Seonghwa says nothing and looks down at his hands, swallowing back more tears and looking unusually small. 

“Can I tell you something,” Hongjoong asks, “or, I guess, can I tell you more, about- everything….”

He plops down at the bottom of the back doorsteps, his legs exhausted despite him having had all of that time to sit in the taxi to rest. He draws a weighty inhale and exhale, trying to steady his voice and his thoughts. He reaches up and forward to prop the canvas against the house, next to where Seonghwa stands. 

“This painting… the video… I did it because I had a crush on you and- and I wanted to be noticed…. I felt a connection to you, I don’t know, I can’t explain it, it was probably just all in my head. It sounds cringe as hell saying it out loud I’m so sorry if it’s creepy.”

“It’s- that’s not creepy,” Seonghwa responds after a moment, blushing a bit but looking serious. “There are people who intentionally seek others out on social media, like, dating apps and stuff. Sometimes you can tell a lot about a person just from photos or videos? I mean, you definitely can’t trust everyone out there.” He musters a calm smile, meeting Hongjoong’s eyes once more. “I’m so glad you trusted me and that I felt that same sense of trust in you….”

Seonghwa sits down at the top of the doorsteps, still keeping a careful distance between himself and the boy perched below him, the boy with reddened cheeks and a watery view.

“I loved this painting when I first saw it,” he continues, admiring the canvas up-close. “And I saw your pictures and I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. And it turned out that your heart is just as beautiful. Even in your pictures that aren’t of you, I could feel your soul living in them and that feeling was such a good one to me. Nothing has ever felt artificial with you, Hongjoong. You looked like you were enjoying your life to the fullest, and with so much color and imagination, and I admired that. I admire that about you. I wanted to do a video with, and know someone, like you. I thought that maybe if I could have you in my life, that I could be beautiful too.” 

Hongjoong is dumbfounded, staggered, peering up at Seonghwa through pitiful and awestruck eyes. 

This whole time Seonghwa thought that _he_ had a beautiful life? It’s been the complete opposite from Hongjoong’s perspective. Hongjoong is swimming in thorough astonishment and barely staying afloat. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you how I feel,” Seonghwa says gently. “I was scared. Because I’ve never known anyone quite like you before and I was… I was afraid, that if I reached out… and touched you, you would disappear.” 

Hongjoong just looks at Seonghwa, mouth hanging open, heart split in two. Hongjoong really did fuck up. 

“Fuck… I’m so sorry Seonghwa…,” he whispers, quavering. 

Seonghwa swallows, and keeps his sight on Hongjoong. 

“I don’t really believe that people come into our lives at random, without purpose or meaning, you know? Even- even the people who've hurt me have taught me so much about life and myself and others, and I’m thankful for that…,” Seonghwa says, and he takes a moment to breathe and to look out into the canyons and the sky. 

He looks back to Hongjoong, wetting his lips and scarcely breathing. 

“I know you’re in my life for a reason so please don’t leave me.” 

Seonghwa chokes up, his vocals so tender and yearning and hoping and from the very depths of his heart for sure.

Hongjoong gives a small whimper, and he’s crying, yet again. He thinks that he is actually in love and it’s the most amazing painfulness in his rib cage. 

“I’m scared of you,” Hongjoong utters in between snivels.

“Why,” Seonghwa whispers. 

“Because you’re everything I need and more.”

Seonghwa covers his mouth with his hands, and closes his eyes. 

“But- but I’m also scared- of messing things up for you, with YouTube- what if we were- you know- and people knew and then judge you for it and then less people watch your videos I’m, scared of that but- but I’m tired of hiding I’m so fucking tired,” Hongjoong rambles weepily. 

Seonghwa takes in a thoughtful breath and brings his hands down to his lap. “I’m kind of scared too I can’t lie… well, not quite scared- just nervous. But you mean more to me than anything, so I know that I have no need to be afraid of what I want. I have nothing to lose if I have everything I want…. If I have you….” 

Seonghwa’s eyes are so captured in Hongjoong’s and the feeling that lies there is pure poetry and holy fuck Hongjoong is _so_ in love. 

“What do _you_ want Hongjoong?” Seonghwa asks carefully. 

Hongjoong runs his teeth over his bottom lip and blinks back his tears intently. 

“I want you. I want to be close to you.”

“Then come here,” Seonghwa says simply, reaching out his arms, “ _Please_.”

Hongjoong cascades forward, falling someplace in between Seonghwa’s legs, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa’s waist and pressing the side of his head into Seonghwa’s chest. Seonghwa is so focused on wiping the tears off of Hongjoong’s cheeks that he can’t contain the tears falling from his own eyes any longer. Their teardrops are salty and they burn with forgiveness, their heads aching with suppressed fear and inexpressible joy. 

“I want you too but I don’t deserve y-you,” Seonghwa speaks, and it’s so quiet. 

“Shut up,” Hongjoong sobs into Seonghwa’s chest, and he tilts his chin up. “Kiss me?”

“Not here we both know we won’t be able to stop,” Seonghwa says, smiling as he rubs at his dampened face. 

“Kiss my cheek.”

Seonghwa kisses both of Hongjoong’s cheeks, his forehead, his chin, and his nose. Hongjoong feels his skin warm.

Seonghwa gives him a quick peck on the lips, and Hongjoong gives one back. 

“ _Stop_ you’re gonna get me fired,” Seonghwa whines, grinning ear to ear. 

“Oh shit, fancy people have hidden cameras around their homes don’t they.”

“There’s some at the front door for sure, and maybe some back here but it’s okay… I can try to explain the situation to them if it comes down to that.” 

“That would be- kinda hot if you took me inside and fucked me,” Hongjoong muses. 

“ _Hongjoong!_ No! That’s- that’s scandalous- Treasure is inside we’d wake her and scar her for life,” Seonghwa hisses, sounding very flustered. 

Hongjoong grins, squinting his eyes closed. “I’m kidding I’m kidding. Kind of.” 

“You’re beautiful,” Seonghwa murmurs, still looking sheepish. 

“I’m not I’m a clown but I’m gonna keep count of every time you call me beautiful because you were the first to ever do it.”

Seonghwa’s smile widens still, and he pinches his lips together. “Do you forgive me?”

“Do you forgive _me_ ,” Hongjoong laughs, “I’m the fucking worst.” 

“Stop it, you’re not, you’ll never be,” Seonghwa argues, “Please though, Hongjoong, promise me you’ll try to communicate with me if… if, I mean, if _anything_ at all happens. I want to be here for you always. You can always talk to me.” 

“Yeah, yes, definitely, I… really am so fucking sorry for ghosting you… and thank you, you’re- you’ve always been so good to me….”

“You needed to do what was right for you, but I missed you…,” Seonghwa replies. “And I’ve never cried more in my entire life….” 

“I missed you too Seonghwa,” Hongjoong says, his voice fading out into a whisper.

Seonghwa is looking at his quivering lip and Hongjoong subconsciously runs his hands along Seonghwa’s thighs as he slowly leans up and forward. 

Hongjoong is really about to say fuck it and pull Seonghwa down into the messiest kiss ever and see if Seonghwa will at least let Hongjoong suck his dick in the garden but the sound of the back door sliding makes both of them freeze. 

Hongjoong lingers in place, wedged in between Seonghwa’s legs, as a small girl in a nightgown steps outside. Her hair is shoulder-length, and she tucks it behind both of her ears as she looks from Seonghwa to Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong backs off of Seonghwa clumsily as he immediately gestures for the girl to come over to him.

“Ah, Treasure, did we wake you up sweetheart? I’m so sorry.” 

“Who is that?” Treasure mumbles, padding over to Seonghwa barefoot and fitting perfectly in his outstretched arm. “And no, my water cup is empty, and I couldn’t find you inside.”

“I’m sorry I worried you honey, we’ll get you some more water, okay? And this is Hongjoong, he’s my boyfriend. Do you want to introduce yourself to Hongjoong?” 

Treasure looks intrigued. “Hi I’m Treasure.” 

“Hi, Treasure.” Hongjoong smiles and gives a small wave with both hands and tries not to bawl again because holy shit they’re boyfriends now, Seonghwa is his boyfriend now. 

Treasure waves back bashfully, leaning into Seonghwa’s side. 

“But, Hwa Oppa, you are a boy, so do you mean Honjoon is your girlfriend?” 

Hongjoong laughs at this. “I mean I could be your girlfriend instead if you want,” he says, wrinkling his nose and placing his chin on his palm as he winks at Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa, noticeably blushing, glares at him. 

“N-No, Hongjoong is a boy too, so he’s my boyfriend,” he explains to Treasure, very matter-of-fact. 

Treasure keeps her tired eyes glued on Hongjoong with curiosity. 

“I like your nail polish,” she says sleepily. 

The poor kid is probably confused as fuck by the creature that is Hongjoong. 

“Thanks! You’re so polite! Have you ever had your nails painted before?” 

They talk about nail polish and their favorite colors for a bit and Treasure asks Seonghwa why his eyes are wet and he tells her that he cried because he was so happy and that it’s never good to hold back your tears. 

“Why is Honjoon here?” Treasure asks rather suddenly. 

Damn, Hongjoong kind of forgot how direct kids can be. 

“He couldn’t sleep. You know how it’s hard to fall asleep sometimes? Sometimes you need a bedtime story, or a lullaby.” Seonghwa boops Treasure’s nose and she smiles. “Hongjoong came because he needed to hear my voice.” 

This answer seems to be adequate enough for Treasure, and more than enough to create a ribbon of blush across Hongjoong’s cheeks. 

“Goodnight,” she says to Hongjoong, after Seonghwa convinces her that it’s time to go back inside. 

Treasure is adorable, and the way Seonghwa simply lit up at seeing her…. They are darling together, and Hongjoong finds himself experiencing a very fond, blooming emotion that he can’t quite identify. 

“Goodnight Treasure, sorry for worrying you, it was nice meeting you.” 

Seonghwa brings Hongjoong’s painting with him as he heads inside to tuck Treasure back into bed. Hongjoong says that it’s for him to keep. It would actually look really nice in Seonghwa’s apartment. 

//////////

It’s going on 20 minutes later when Seonghwa sneaks out of the double doors to meet Hongjoong in the front yard.

Hongjoong is squatting near a bush, his arms wrapped around his knees.

“I called a taxi for you,” Seonghwa half-whispers as he tiptoes through the cool grass, over to where Hongjoong is hiding. 

Hongjoong stands up to face Seonghwa, and doesn't really feel the need to say anything to that. 

The evening air is dark, and there’s something comforting about being inside of it. Seonghwa is studying Hongjoong’s face, as if he’s searching for a way to remove any remnants of heartache. 

The steady noise of bugs fills their silence, and they both just kind of fall into a moment where nothing else seems to exist, nothing but a humid, balmy utopia. 

Seonghwa’s lips are on Hongjoong’s before Hongjoong can completely link his arms around the back of Seonghwa’s neck. 

Hongjoong hadn’t forgotten how magical it felt to have Seonghwa this close; there’s no way he could ever forget. Seonghwa holds firm his embrace around Hongjoong’s hips, lifting him up ever so slightly and encouraging him onto his toes. Hongjoong glides his tongue along Seonghwa’s bottom lip and they both moan into the kiss, neither one of them wanting to be the first to break away. 

Hongjoong doesn’t know why he threw on a hoodie, it’s fucking hot out, even without the sun in the sky. He runs his hands down Seonghwa’s exposed arms, and Seonghwa goes right ahead and drags his hands up under Hongjoong’s hoodie and it feels so electrifying, as if it’s the first time Hongjoong’s skin has ever been touched.

Hongjoong gasps at the sensation, which only makes Seonghwa press back in and kiss him harder. 

There’s nothing to lean on really, unless they crash into the hedge, so they both harbor a struggle to keep their balance; fireflies dancing at their ankles.

Hongjoong doesn’t know what day it is, doesn’t even know what his own name is, he’s so swept away up against Seonghwa in the moonlit momentum. 

“God, you’re beautiful…,” Seonghwa whispers on Hongjoong’s lips.

Hongjoong gives Seonghwa a series of quick, sloppy kisses, underneath the giant sky, under the umbrella of stars.

“I’m yours, I’m all yours…,” he hums. 

Seonghwa looks as if he could start crying again. 

They kiss deeply once more, their tongues a disorganized pair. Seonghwa grabs at Hongjoong’s ass and Hongjoong can now pretty much confirm that Seonghwa seems to really like his ass?

“What happened to no kissing,” Hongjoong questions as their foreheads stay connected, throwing his arms around Seonghwa’s neck again with a grin. 

“Decided I don’t care,” Seonghwa mumbles, leaving very wet and feathery traces on Hongjoong’s neck. “And I honestly think that they don’t even check the cameras when I’m here, they trust me so much.”

“Wow, throwing away their trust to stick your tongue down some boy’s throat in their front yard,” Hongjoong says as he closes his eyes, laughing faintly at Seonghwa’s breath tickling his skin. 

“You’re important to me,” Seonghwa pouts, pulling back and framing Hongjoong’s face with his hands, “you’re not just some boy.”

“Well you’re rude. You get me all worked up just to toss me in a taxi and send me away.”

Seonghwa bites his lip and smirks, looking just a touch sad. 

“I love Treasure, of course I do, but… I love you too. I wish I could spend tonight with you, giving you everything you want.” 

Seonghwa’s warm eyes are searching in Hongjoong’s. 

Hongjoong is blushing full force, and swooning. 

“Did- are… are you saying that you… love me?”

“You didn’t watch til the end of the video did you,” Seonghwa asks, alongside the most gentle of smiles. 

“Oh. No. I ran out of the fucking door when you said I was your star.”

Seonghwa laughs lightly. “Yes, I love you, silly.”

Hongjoong’s smile overtakes his whole face, his entire heart, and at the same time he feels his eyebrows wrinkle in total astonishment. 

“I love you too Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa kisses him, softly this time, and this one kiss almost seems to summarize their entire bond and all of their wordless promises. 

“Text me until you fall asleep,” Seonghwa says as a taxi pulls up at the curb. 

“Okay,” Hongjoong nods, not at all wanting to accept the fact that, for tonight, he really does have to leave his safe haven.

//////////

**Hongjoong:**

ok i’m home and i’m in bed now

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

I wish you were here

**Hongjoong:**

i literally was just there and i could’ve stayed

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

No?! No you couldn’t have

I’m at work

I’m supposed to be watching over a five year old princess 

And protecting her from nighttime monsters

Not having rough sex with my boyfriend

**Hongjoong:**

seonghwa, I’m 

don’t get me started 

i don’t have work tomorrow i could stay up all night

can i call you

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

No no no no no don’t tempt me with things

When I’m on nanny duty I am pure

**Hongjoong:**

you’re always pure

well no i take that back there have been moments

like from the very beginning there have been moments 

but you can’t out-kink me that’s for sure

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Tell me again how many babies you’re going to make for me

**Hongjoong:**

OMG STFU

and yeah technically that is a solid kink of yours so 

also tho I’m just now remembering 

that u never wore your apron in the kitchen for me 

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Why did that generate such obscene imagery just now

I need holy water

**Hongjoong:**

what ur not already wet enough???

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Oh my goodness Kim Hongjoong

Do not 

Have you been this horny all along these past couple of months

**Hongjoong:**

yes

and ur a liar if you say you haven’t been too

you’ve had your hand around my dick don’t act coy

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

I

**Hongjoong:**

fun fact i was hard as fuck when i was on your lap at your bday party

almost followed u into the bathroom when u went

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

That

That is a fun fact

**Hongjoong:**

thought it would be fun to suck you off 

and then have u bend me over the bathroom counter and fuck me

but like all of our friends would’ve heard it from the living room 

so i thought not

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Holy shit Hongjoong

**Hongjoong:**

🍆💕

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Oh, god 

Okay

**Hongjoong:**

👅💦

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

🙄

I mean

Tbh when I accidentally stayed the night at your place

I asked you if you wanted me to sing because I kind of needed to distract myself from doing other things

**Hongjoong:**

OMG WHAT OTHER THINGS 😍

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Omg use your abnormally wild imagination 

I’m not going to type it all out 

**Hongjoong:**

omg hwa plssssssss

tell meee 

or talk to me about how ur feeling or something 

it’ll help me fall asleep

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Oh my god 

Fine

**Hongjoong:**

hehe

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

I’m feeling really great

Because I’m thinking about you

**Hongjoong:**

what about me

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Your warm heart and your cute nose and your body and whatnot

And how perfectly you fit to me… 

And how perfectly something else might fit inside of you… 

**Hongjoong:**

wow you’re really not good at this

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Listen

**Hongjoong:**

babe i’m not about this rated pg shit

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Excuse me that was rated PG-13 at the very least!

**Hongjoong:**

can you please just call me?? 

i’ll probably bust a nut just hearing your voice

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

God ok ok 

Wait

Hold on just a minute 

  
  


**Hongjoong:**

u good over there?????

it been more than a minuteeeee

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Sorry, Treasure’s parents and one of their assistants just got home

I was helping them bring in their luggage 

**Hongjoong:**

WAIT WHAT THEYRE BACK

???????????

YOU KNEW THEY WERE COMING BACK TONIGHT????? 

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Yeah, really late flight in 

**Hongjoong:**

SIR THERE WILL BE NO MORE LIES IN THIS RELATIONSHIP

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

I didn’t lie 😂

**Hongjoong:**

i could’ve hid in the yard for a few more hours!! 

and then you could’ve come home with me!!! ; n ; 

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

I thought about that, trust me, I really did 

Didn’t want you to wait around beautiful ❤️

You would’ve gotten so many bug bites out in the grass

And I want to eat breakfast with Treasure tomorrow and say bye to her 🥺

**Hongjoong:**

ok that’s 

that’s cute af 

ok fine 

whatever

i’ll accept it >.>

call meeeeeeee

  
  


Seonghwa calls Hongjoong from the guest room that he sleeps in, that’s apparently in a completely different section of the massive house than the rest of the rooms, but he still speaks very quietly, just to be extra careful.

Hongjoong’s head still hurts from crying his eyes out but he doesn’t care.

They carry on with their wandering conversation, sharing TMIs from over the expanse of their time knowing each other. They talk in depth about the cookie dough incident and Hongjoong is feeling hot and bothered at the memory of Seonghwa licking that spoon and Seonghwa really is being such a tease, he is testing Hongjoong and Hongjoong has had just about enough but Seonghwa _finally_ , and very hesitantly, switches gears. It requires an insane amount of patience, but Hongjoong is discovering that he likes it when Seonghwa is the one to initiate things. 

“Um, I have you on speaker now, but, like, very low volume.” 

“Oh? Okay,” Hongjoong replies, keeping his voice neutral. 

“So, um, what are you wearing.” 

Hongjoong busts both of his lungs. 

“Are you naked,” Seonghwa asks, skeptical but curious, as Hongjoong continues cackling. 

“Duh,” Hongjoong chirps. He doesn’t always sleep nude but it’s a really warm night and other reasons and why the hell not. 

Hongjoong is met with silence for a moment or two, and he thinks he hears Seonghwa rustling around. 

“Oh… okay. What are you doing baby.”

Hongjoong doesn’t know why his whole damn body practically ignites in flames at Seonghwa calling him baby. And especially now, with Seonghwa’s voice so rich and cautious. 

“I’m snuggled in bed talking to my prince charming, and I’m lying down on my stomach.”

Seonghwa laughs softly. “You’re so sweet… I’m lying down too… on my back.”

“Okay. Are you touching yourself?” Hongjoong asks. 

“Yeah… Hongjoong, I’m seriously going to have to try to be quiet,” Seonghwa responds, his voice even more so hushed. 

“Okay, me too.”

Seonghwa snorts. “Good luck with that.”

“Hey!”

Hongjoong hears breathy laughter on the other end of the line. “You’re so cute Hongjoong….”

He hopes that Seonghwa can hear him roll his eyes. 

He bites his thumb between his teeth and starts grinding down on his bed. 

“Do you have your clothes on,” he asks. 

“Yeah, yeah I do but… I have my pants down, a bit,” Seonghwa says, almost inaudible.

“Are you hard Hwa…? Is your cock hard because I’m naked.” 

Hongjoong asks it point-blank, and has to wait a moment before hearing a reply. 

“…Mhm… you still on your stomach? You on top of me?” 

Shit. Okay, maybe Seonghwa is better at this verbally than he is through texts. 

“Yeah… yeah… fuck… you hard from hearing my voice?”

“Yeah, Hongjoong….”

“I missed you so much…,” Hongjoong suspires. 

“I missed you too Joong, so much….” 

Hongjoong reaches behind him to grab at his own ass and he feels like a fool for doing it but this is probably what Seonghwa would be doing to him right now from what he’s been able to tell thus far regarding such things and he’s just trying to immerse himself in the scene. 

“I missed you… I missed you… you- you still touching yourself?”

“Um n-no I have, uh, a pillow…,” Seonghwa says momentarily, his voice hoarse. 

“Fuck… fuck, Hwa, are you fucking up onto a pillow? Like it’s me?”

“F-Fuck Hongjoong, mhm….” 

“Holy _fuck_ … oh fuck….”

This visual is a little too potent for Hongjoong and he’s very inspired by it. He lifts his upper body a bit, but spreads his legs and arches his back so that he can still grind down and obtain friction from the surface below him. He runs a hand through his hair, breathing heavier now. 

“I wish I was there with you, I wish I could be there with you…,” Seonghwa hums.

“Would you be fucking me if you were here Seonghwa, would you be fucking my ass….” 

Hongjoong reaches to turn up the volume on his phone because the squeaking of his mattress is almost too loud for him to hear Seonghwa. He wonders if Seonghwa can hear over the phone the sound of him rocking the shit out of his bed.

“S-Shit Hongjoong….”

“Would you- would you gorgeous?” Hongjoong whines.

“Y-Yes baby yes.” 

Hongjoong moans immodestly and almost thinks about fetching his lube so that he can finger himself but he’s literally getting so close now just by humping his damn mattress. 

“Does it feel good me riding your cock, your big wet cock-”

“Baby- oh my god- yeah, yeah it does-”

Hongjoong whimpers, sinking his teeth into his lip. The fact that Seonghwa is practically _whispering_ is just too good, almost too much.

“I missed you so much Joong I’m so happy, I’m so happy I didn’t lose you….”

“G-God Seonghwa I want you to fuck me,” Hongjoong keens, not really giving a damn about trying to be quiet anymore. 

There’s only a stifled moan on the other end. 

“You wanna fuck me?” Hongjoong tries.

“Yes… yes… want- to fuck you, I want to fuck you-”

Even with the volume turned up Hongjoong still can’t hear Seonghwa as much as he wants to but just knowing that Seonghwa is getting off right now really is enough.

“Oh my god… oh my god… f-fuck me Seonghwa, h-harder-”

“God, shit- Hongjoong I’m gonna cum,” Seonghwa says in a strained whisper. 

Hongjoong lowers back down onto his stomach, hands grasping at his bed sheets, his mouth right near his phone as he continues to gyrate onto his bed. 

“You gonna cum all over that pillow that you’re fucking? You gonna cum inside me?”

“ _Joong_ -”

“ _S-Seonghw-_ ”

Hongjoong bites his pillow, whimpering as he comes, his whole body shuddering, tension releasing in his shoulders. He barely hears the drowned down noises on the other end of the line, though he longs to hear them in full volume. 

“…Wow… fuck… holy shit fuck…,” Hongjoong drawls, and he feels a melted smile take shape on his face.

He nuzzles his cheek into his pillow, staring blankly at his phone. 

That- was quick. That was very effective. God damn. It still feels good as Hongjoong squirms around a bit on his stomach. 

Seonghwa is laughing lightly as Hongjoong releases a small and final string of lively whimpers.

“Did you cum Hwa?” Hongjoong asks in one breath. 

“Yeah I- I did beautiful, thanks for checking on me…,” Seonghwa says serenely, still sounding short of breath. “Uh are you okay over there?” 

“Oh good- I’m glad- I’m- I’m so glad… and yeah, oh god, I’m fantastic….”

They both sprawl out in the quiet, their heart rates cooling off, Seonghwa still laughing quietly at Hongjoong. 

“So… yeah… you should come over tomorrow,” Seonghwa says. 

“Oh. So yeah. You are coming home tomorrow. I didn’t even fucking ask when you were coming home in the first place.”

“It’s okay, I really did just forget to tell you. But yeah, I’ll head home after breakfast.”

“Okay. Just tell me when and I’ll be over. I don’t have work tomorrow.” 

Finally, things are aligning for them. Getting to spend the day with Seonghwa? As boyfriends? Is Hongjoong finally going to get the mini-vacation of his dreams? Is he finally going to get dicked down by Seonghwa? He fucking hopes so. 

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“I have a dreadful need to wash this pillow as soon as possible but I cannot move,” Seonghwa sighs. 

Hongjoong yawns. “It can wait til tomorrow.” 

“I can’t believe I did such unspeakable things while at work.”

“Technically you’ve been off the clock since Treasure’s parents got home?” Hongjoong assures. “You were really quiet, _too_ quiet, and honestly they can’t expect you to go an entire week without getting off, you’re a young man with hormones? And it lasted like, two minutes.” 

“Yeah, all that and I have a boyfriend who’s a really bad influence,” Seonghwa mutters. “And wow, two whole minutes. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.”

“It’s a good thing, trust me.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Seonghwa says, and Hongjoong can hear his smile. 

“Could you text me in the morning and remind me to wash my bed sheets,” Hongjoong pouts sleepily. 

Seonghwa splutters. “You're really going to need me to remind you for that?”

Hongjoong giggles, and yawns again. 

He thinks back to the very first time he talked with Seonghwa over the phone, when Seonghwa had called just to say goodnight. 

Hongjoong continues to lie there, face down, looking as if he was shipwrecked and washed up onto shore. 

“Seonghwa I’m fading… away….”

“Oh my god you are the most dramatic.”

“No, really Hwa, really I’m gonna- I’m gonna fall asleep, but please don’t hang up….”

“Wasn’t planning on it.” 

The warmth in Seonghwa’s voice is almost tangible. And he starts humming a lazy tune, sounding too tired himself to sing. 

Seonghwa’s deep, quieted vocals have Hongjoong’s eyelids falling. He thinks about the past several hours, this evening with Seonghwa replaying like a film reel in his head. He thinks about everything Seonghwa said to him, all of the perfectly surreal and undeserving things Seonghwa has said about him. He thinks about how everything is going to be okay… how it’s not just a dream… how he’s learned a fuck ton from this situation that he can carry with him into the future. He feels genuine hope for whatever may be in store. With Seonghwa by his side, there’s no way Hongjoong won’t be able to grow into a better version of himself. 

Seonghwa’s sweetened melody is pouring in through the phone, humming just for Hongjoong. It’s better than ASMR. 

  
The last thing Hongjoong hears before he’s whisked away is _I love you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they in love :'D and rlly horny oof 
> 
> I had that scene with the boys & Treasure in my head from the very start, I’m so happy we finally made it to this chapter :')
> 
> ❤️ ((EDIT: smutty shenanigans with hongie & hwa one-shot now exists!! here’s a direct link for those of you who are interested: [how flowers work](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25291006))) ❤️
> 
> it is indeed a little tale of what goes down when hongjoong goes over to seonghwa’s the next day 😂🥵 it kinda helps wrap up the story in its own way and it’s now part 2 of this Lonely Stars series 🥰🌟
> 
> wow you guys have legit made me run out of ways to say THANK YOU fr thanks for reading you guys are so cool and I am just over here throwing so many virtual hugs at you 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 you are very much so loved and appreciated 
> 
> //////////
> 
> mentioned songs + inspo songs: [tingles playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsenJSIypLny7PJCW9MaPCQacRSzNcTmG)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO FRIENDS our smutty one-shot / Chapter 12 part II / Tingles bonus chapter was posted a few days ago!! 🥵🥰 here’s a direct link in case u missed it and are interested in checking it out: [how flowers work](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25291006)
> 
> I’ll make sure to mention it in the end notes too if you’d rather read this chapter first 
> 
> wow- this is the end :''''') or is it 👀 pls enjoy this little epilogue ❤️❤️

“Well that was shit.”

Seonghwa is pouting. “There was something floating in my water.”

“Even the rice was weird. Who fucks up rice?”

It’s a cloudless day in early summer when Seonghwa takes Hongjoong out for brunch at Cafe Mist. They get all dressed up for fun because why not; it’s only their second week of officially being together, and only their second real date, the first one having been Seonghwa taking Hongjoong out for dinner at an upscale bulgogi restaurant to celebrate the completion of _Pirate King_ , the song that Hongjoong had co-written at work. It turned into even more of a celebration that day when Hongjoong received news that his spring internship would not be ending, and was given an offer to continue working at KQ Produce. 

They had high hopes for Cafe Mist, but the whole thing ended up being them sitting at an absurdly small wrought iron table with doilies and tea cups and trying not to laugh the entire time because both the food and the service were a joke. Hongjoong doesn’t mind at all that the meal turned out the way that it did because it’s fun to drag the shit out of a place that’s so overrated.

Side by side, Hongjoong and Seonghwa walk along the tree-shaded sidewalks after their subpar dining experience, heading back to Seonghwa’s place in a comfortable silence. They’re both wearing silk shirts, their foreheads glistening with the warmth in the air. 

Seonghwa brushes his hand up against Hongjoong’s once, twice, and interweaves their fingers. 

Hongjoong glances over and up with mouth slightly parted, to see Seonghwa smiling shyly with his lips pressed together.

They’ve had a lot of moments like this lately, where neither of them can find words, and where words aren’t needed. Stealing glances as if they’re still harboring crushes on each other. Picking flowers just to hide them behind their backs. 

Seonghwa takes their hands and kisses Hongjoong’s knuckles, and while Hongjoong’s eyes are still on his, he leans over to kiss Hongjoong’s cheek. 

And the shorter boy positively melts. If K-pop idols are allowed to publicly do skinship then they should be allowed to too god damnit. 

Hongjoong is so happy. He thought that he had been happy before? How silly he had been.

His hair is now a dark navy blue, his fringe trimmed rather short, and Seonghwa’s hair is a charming jet black. They did it on a whim just last night along with San, Wooyoung, Yeosang, Jongho, Mingi, and Yunho. Hongjoong isn’t precisely sure but at least half of them had been buzzed so it’s actually quite impressive that all eight of them ended up sporting some pretty decent new looks.

After Seonghwa pecks his cheek out in the open for literally anyone and everyone to see, Hongjoong feels his face warm even more so, and he holds on bashfully, yet unafraid, to the hand in his. Hongjoong finds it interesting that his heart rate very noticeably accelerates when Seonghwa so much as claims his hand; their fingers lacing together as if they’re each other’s missing pieces. It’s embarrassing, when all Hongjoong can do is look away and take in a fragile breath. 

Whenever Seonghwa looks at him, like he really _sees_ him, Hongjoong is made aware that this is indeed his first time ever being in love, and this understanding is continuously awe-inspiring to him. For a while there he had started to give up on the idea of real love or true love, without even really realizing it himself. Seonghwa came along to remind him that anything is possible. 

They barely have both feet in the entryway of Seonghwa’s apartment and Hongjoong is already leaning into Seonghwa needily, rising on his toes, arms hooked around the back of Seonghwa’s neck. 

Seonghwa rotates them slowly, gently pins Hongjoong up against the wall, and kisses him just as languidly. 

“…Would you maybe be comfortable speaking- or, well, whispering- in a YouTube video? Like, throughout the whole thing?” Seonghwa asks as he pulls back, tilting Hongjoong’s chin up. 

Hongjoong feels himself smile a very dreamy smile. “Yeah? Sure, what are you scheming.”

“I was thinking we could film one of those boyfriend tag videos, but make it ASMR,” Seonghwa reveals. “I think it would be a special way to let everyone know about us, and it would be fun too.” 

“That does sound fun. Any opportunity I can get to roast you I’m all in.”

Seonghwa laughs through his nose and cradles Hongjoong’s face in his hands. “You are so mean.”

Hongjoong smiles wider still as he tilts his head and presses back in to kiss Seonghwa. 

Hongjoong is admittedly very excited at this concept, and touched that Seonghwa has been adamant on finding a good way to be open and honest about their relationship when it comes to Seonghwa’s online community. The comments on Seonghwa’s most-viewed ASMR video to date, the one in which he included the secret message for Hongjoong, have already been very surmising.

  
  


_sir please warn us next time_

_This shit HURTED 😭❤️_

_I’m swooning and it ain’t even for me_

_I DIDNT COME HERE TO CRY OMG MARS_

_Who is the lucky girl or boy or gender non-conforming individual I must know_

_I thought he acted suspiciously when someone asked him recently! 😱_

_ok this might be reaching but is this about hongjoong 👀_

_Eating chips in bed and wishing he was saying this stuff about me_

_HONGJOONG???????????_

_Mars omg what is this 😍_

_OH MY GOD OK ITS HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM_

_he finna confess_

_Did he deadass just confess his love for Hongjoong_

_This was so relaxing as always and very touching Mars 😊 Your special star is very lucky 💘 Wishing you the best!_

_someone please give this man a baby 😩 he’d be such a cute dad 🥺_

_um it’s most likely not yeosang or hongjoong y’all are delusional af 🙄_

_ok hongjoong tho or maybe it’s been yeosang all along 😳😍_

_i have my suspicions and i think they would be such a cute couple good luck mars i love you!!! 💕_

_OH DAMN WAS NOT EXPECTING_

_I mean im not the only one who been seeing those pics last week on Mars’ IG story with you know who right 😳_

_I was falling asleep and crying at the same time this was a very confusing experience_

_Mars and Hongjoong have become such good friends you can tell if you follow them on Instagram and it’s so cool that Hongjoong was just a subscriber like us! I’ll be thrilled if this video was made for him ❤️_

_not to be a_ 🤡 _but twinkle twinkle little star rlly do be seeming like hongjoong tho_

_i will CRY if this is for one of his friends_

_??? Hongjoong 😏_

_Omg Mars yes get your boy 😍👏_

_I’m just going to live vicariously through this ASMR love story omg_

  
  


Another one of Seonghwa’s recent uploads has received quite a bit of attention for its uniqueness as well.

Seonghwa assisted San and Wooyoung in filming their own ASMR video, using the binaural mic that Yeosang and Jongho got Seonghwa for his birthday. He uploaded the footage on to Mars ASMR with the title _My Friends Try ASMR For The First Time_.

After they somehow find it within themselves to stop smooching in the entryway, Hongjoong and Seonghwa amble upstairs. With their makeup removed, and after changing into comfy clothes, they snuggle up in Seonghwa’s bed and read through some emails.

Hongjoong is dead tired. The hair-dyeing-spectacular turned into an all-nighter last night with everybody at Seonghwa’s place and it was utter chaos. San and Wooyoung, apparently, started dating, apparently, for the first time as of last night. 

“Can me and San date?” Wooyoung had asked, sitting down on the toilet lid in the bathroom as San painted bleach onto his hair at some ungodly hour. 

“Why the fuck you asking us?” Hongjoong responded with eyebrows turned in. 

San giggled. “Because you’re Mom and Dad we need your approval.” 

“You literally do not need our approval,” Hongjoong assured as he sat cross-legged in the empty bathtub, using chopsticks to gather a big bite of ramen from the styrofoam bowl in his hand.

Seonghwa had just stared at San and Wooyoung, judging them from head to toe. “I’d be offended if you didn’t date.”

“Honestly I thought you guys were already dating,” Jongho shouted, chiming in from the kitchen. 

“Thought you guys were married and we just missed the wedding for some reason,” Hongjoong muttered. 

“San, I love you more than Park Jimin.”

“Aw! Babe!” 

And it went on like that and Hongjoong developed quite the headache but he took it as an indication of how much he really does love his friends. 

San and Wooyoung have been talking about moving in together sometime in the near future, and Yeosang and Jongho are finally settled in at their new place and are hoping to throw a little housewarming party soon. 

Hongjoong is in the process of playing around with different ideas. He could move in with Seonghwa, or, if they search for and invest in a bigger place, the both of them could move in with Mingi and Yunho. Hongjoong is torn because he really loves Seonghwa’s apartment, so much. It has felt like home to him already for quite a while now. He’ll either fuck the place up with all of his shit, or the environment might actually help him become more organized. 

He will miss living with Mingi and Yunho though if it comes to that, but things between those two have unmistakably advanced over the past couple weeks. Hongjoong almost feels like it would be weird with him in the picture now; he can absolutely see Mingi and Yunho having a space of their very own, and Hongjoong is the one who’s been able to see that all along. 

Lots of stuff has happened in a shockingly short amount of time, in all honesty. It’s wild how life be like that sometimes. 

Hongjoong will soon, (hopefully, maybe), be going over to Seonghwa’s parents’ place for dinner, which he’s nervous as all hell for. But he is certain that Seonghwa’s parents are probably just as sweet as their son is. 

Both Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s parents are unaware of their preferences so they’re both very unsure how to go about this safely and sensibly. It was just the other day when Seonghwa called his parents to awkwardly ask if he could “have a friend come over for dinner sometime soon”. They’re going to start from there and see what the hell happens. Hongjoong is terrified over the fact that Seonghwa is the first boy ever that he has actually wanted to introduce to his own parents. 

In other recent news, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, Yunho, Yeosang, Jongho, San, and Wooyoung filmed a video dancing to “Pick It Up”, the song by Famous Dex that Mingi, Yunho, and San had choreographed together.

They met up as often as all eight of their schedules allowed over the course of a few days so that they could practice the choreography and it was nothing but a fever dream from beginning to end, but they all synchronized and caught on together pretty damn fast. 

Hongjoong doesn’t know where it came from but he’s cultivated somewhat of an authoritative nature when all of them are together, kind of acting as the captain, or almost as if them giving him the nickname _Dad_ has sparked something in him. Seonghwa has proven to be very supportive alongside Hongjoong, helping them to calm the fuck down and reel in their focus. Everyone seems to listen a lot more to Seonghwa though.

They uploaded their finished dance video under the channel name EIGHT FELLAZ, and with both Seonghwa and Jongho’s faithful subscribers streaming it, it has fucking blown up. 

People were quaking when they discovered that gentle, ethereal Mars ASMR can dance, and can dance fucking well, and viewers worldwide are claiming to be pregnant after watching the video.

Jongho’s subscribers, too, have been thrilled to see him take part in the dance group, and he’s been actively encouraging everyone on his platform to try learning the dance for some fun cardio. 

As promised, Hongjoong ended up designing their outfits for the video, and he’s currently sketching out a line of clothing inspired by the looks to sell on Hearts Awakened. 

A few of them had filmed snippets during their practice sessions in the dance studio, and Seonghwa took that footage and uploaded a little vlog on EIGHT FELLAZ. The people who do take the time to check it out really seem to like them. Hongjoong doesn’t know why. Their crackhead energy is off the charts. 

Looking through the comments on their videos has become one of their favorite things to do in their spare time.

  
  


_wheres my WIG_

_mars asmr world domination_

_WHICH ONE IS WHICH IM NEW HERE_

_Hongjoong is so tiny??? wth????_

_Why they wearin hats I’m tryna see something_

_Jongho is my inspiration!!! Any other AppleCores here?? 🍎💪_

_If I get to meet them at the yt con I will pass away 😩_

_the one named yunho makes me sweaty_

_I got pregnant 8 times?_

_DAMN MARS GO OFF_

_wait i’m confused are they pre debut or_

_I’m Mingi’s bitch. That is all._

_WORD AROUND WORD AROUND WORD AROUND TOWN I HEARD THIS BOY WAS A CLOWN_

_im about to risk it all for them_

_Yeosang a talented king what can I say_

_I’ve watched this an unhealthy amount of times_

_SANNNN IS IN HERE he’s modeled for Hongjoong’s shop before!! 😻_

_Are all of them going to be at YTCon? Have they said yet?_

_Wooyoung and Hongjoong at 0:41 🥺_

_Friendship goals!!! 😔✊💖_

_They dance like they asses is heavy I stan_

_maybe i’m not a lesbian anymore_

  
  


There are new comments pouring in on the daily, and reading them is quite the form of entertainment. However, any comments referring to “YTCon” made little sense until today. 

“Oh my god is this… is this what an out of body experience feels like?”

“Hwa, breathe, breathe,” Hongjoong encourages, curling an arm around Seonghwa’s waist and rubbing Seonghwa’s chest with his free hand. 

“I’m just- I’m just, so thankful to y-you and Yeosang for helping my channel grow…,” Seonghwa says, his voice rising a bit as he gets choked up. 

“What the fuck we didn’t do anything. If anything we just helped people further question your sexuality.”

Seonghwa is currently losing his damn mind a little bit over an email that was sent to him today, regarding a YouTube convention called YTCon that’s being held this September in Los Angeles, California. 

The email is an invitation for Seonghwa to attend the convention as a guest, among many other YouTubers, and to host a panel and a meet & greet. There must’ve been some sort of unofficial guest list released online, for so many people to already be talking about them possibly being at the event. 

“Joong you _have_ , you’ve done so much for me. Even if you guys had never been in any of my videos, you’ve still supported me and what I do and it means everything,” Seonghwa explains, capturing a big inhale after he does. “Holy shit is this real…? Is this a real thing that is happening.” 

Hongjoong gives Seonghwa a quick peck on the cheek and snatches Seonghwa’s laptop. He promptly takes to Google to check out what flights to Los Angeles look like. They need to start somewhere. 

Sniffling, Seonghwa grabs his phone and turns to their group chat. 

  
  


**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Guys! 

I was invited to attend a YouTube convention in Los Angeles, America!!! 

Thank you so much!!

**Hongjoong:**

hwa why are you thanking them 

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Why are you texting at me when you’re practically sitting on me 

**(strong jong):**

I was invited too!! 😱

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Oh my god congrats Jongho!!! 

I was going to ask if you got the email too!

**Hongjoong:**

what the fuck omg congratssssss

**(woo):**

SANI AND ME WANT IN ON THIS 😍🌴

**Hongjoong:**

wow 

should have known u two would slide in with a quickness 

**(yunhoho):**

Did someone say Universal Studios Hollywood The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

**Hongjoong:**

no

**(minki):**

sounds dope I’m down 

**(yeo):**

Why are you guys blowing up my phone when we literally just spent the past 24 hours together 

It’s nap time 

The only time ever 

**(woo):**

shut up sleeping beauty scroll up and read 😍

**(yeo):**

Oh fuck congrats babe wow 

Are you on your way home now?

Congrats Hwa 

This is kind of insane ngl 

**(strong jong):**

Yeah omw now!! ❤️

**(yunhoho):**

So is this the prophecy from the people in the Youtube comments?

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Yeah it’s called YTCon! 

**(sannieee):**

HI IM HERE I WAS WAITING FOR MY NAILS TO DRY 😍

**(woo):**

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

**(sannieee):**

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

**Hongjoong:**

ok so uh is everyone serious about making this happen???

like obviously i’m going with hwa

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

It would be so fun if we could all go! ^_^

**(strong jong):**

I’m so excited right now!!!

Yes!

**(yeo):**

Absolutely <3

I’m so proud of you both <3 

Didn’t even know there was a YT convention but honestly not surprised 

**(minki):**

it’s a hell yeah from Yunho and me 

**(woo):**

bitches we are already THERE ☀️🛍🍹

does anyone have spare money i could borrow

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Joong and I are looking into flights

Airbnb too so that we can have a few days before the convention to sightsee

And it looks like the convention is going to cover the cost of the hotel room for the weekend

At least for Jongho and I 

We’ll work something out so that it’s fair for all of us

**(woo):**

best mom best mom 🥰

**Hongjoong:**

is california in los angeles??

i don’t know what the fuck i’m googling rn 

**(sannieee):**

think it’s the other way around bb 

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

We’ll have to save up

Do we need to get any sort of vaccines in order to enter a foreign country?

We should schedule visits to the doctor before we go 

I hope we’ll all be able to get time off from work that week?

**(yeo):**

Are airlines like

Actually trustworthy though?

I’m about to decorate my luggage so that it doesn’t get lost 

**(minki):**

aren’t you fluent in English Hongie

**Hongjoong:**

um no not at all 

but i can start practicing again in prep for the trip

everyone stop asking so many damn questions i’m trying to focus

**(yunhoho):**

My good lads

What if 

We planned a flash mob at the convention 

And dance to Pick It Up

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Is that allowed? 

That would be so cool! 

We could bring our outfits and everything!

**(sannieee):**

fuck yessssssss i’m yelling 

**(woo):**

should we just do another all nighter tonight and discuss details?!!

**(yeo):**

No

**Hongjoong:**

NO 

SEONGHWA GO DOWNSTAIRS AND LOCK THE DOOR

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Please get some sleep today guys 💙

But we should all get together soon to plan!

**(strong jong):**

Yes please get rest! 

And the flash mob is good

We could at least give clues leading to when/where we’ll do it

So that anyone who is interested will be aware 

**(yunhoho):**

Ohhh clues like a treasure map 👀

**(yeo):**

There are so many English speakers in our comments

Low-key nervous 

Like there are actual human beings out there who know who we are

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

It’s surreal isn't it ^_^ 

Oh my god Jongho we’re going to meet subscribers this is so exciting 

**(woo):**

nobody’s gonna be able to handle our dancing irl 

the power we hold 

omg i’m giving myself chills 

and before anyone says ANYTHING leave me alone let me live my idol fantasy 

**Hongjoong:**

we need to figure out where tf we’re sleeping at night in the foreign country before we plan any fun activities calm your tits

**(woo):**

ok no you calm your tits???????????

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

Joong apologizes for being snappy everyone 

I told him to apologize ❤️

**Hongjoong:**

we all might need to get a side hustle or rob a bank or something

because everything’s looking expensive as shit

but like

we still have time to figure it out 

**(sannieee):**

i believe in us!!!!! 🌈

**(yeo):**

It’s an amazing opportunity we’ll make it work 

**(strong jong):**

Agreed!! 👏👏

**(minki):**

congrats Seonghwa and Jongho

International Stars 

**(yunhoho):**

Our first journey together ⛵️

**(woo):**

fam 🥺💕

i may fucking cry 

we better look hot showing up at the airport is all i’m saying

**(🌟hwa❤️):**

I love you guys 

  
  


It’s going on 4:00PM now and Hongjoong is thinking that Yeosang had the right idea about nap time.

“You’ve looked into everything enough for now, don’t stress,” Seonghwa insists after Hongjoong starts groaning about his head feeling like it’s about to explode. 

“Watching over the kids _overseas?_ Are we really gonna be able to do this?”

“They can take care of themselves,” Seonghwa assures. 

“I’m not gonna name any names but it’s debatable for a few of them.” 

Seonghwa smiles. “Want to watch some travel vlogs? I want you to be excited, not stressed,” he says as he massages circles on Hongjoong’s shoulder. “Or we could watch a movie or take a nap if you want?” 

“I am excited, I just feel this weird responsibility for everyone’s safety and shit…,” Hongjoong mumbles. 

“You’re a good leader.”

Hongjoong glances at Seonghwa, looking skeptical, but grinning. 

“I love you. Congrats Hwa, you deserve all of the recognition and opportunities.” 

“…Thank you beautiful, I love you, too…,” Seonghwa murmurs as he hides his face in Hongjoong’s hair. “Thanks for wanting to come along with me.”

“Duh,” Hongjoong responds, smiling bigger than he ever thought he could. 

They’re hardly coherent at this point, but they still watch some American travel vlogs, and Hongjoong very deliriously tries to remember some English phrases as Seonghwa rolls around in bed laughing hysterically at how different Hongjoong sounds and nearly pees his pants. 

But before long, Hongjoong finds himself drowsing in a moment where Seonghwa’s laptop has fallen aside, music now thrumming quietly from Seonghwa’s phone. Their legs are tangled together, and he’s sweeping Seonghwa’s hair away from his face. 

For once, Seonghwa has fallen asleep before Hongjoong. 

His arms are still enclosed loosely, lovingly, around Hongjoong’s body. 

How did Hongjoong go from being alone to being cared for even in Seonghwa’s slumber. 

Hongjoong wouldn’t trade this for the world. Seonghwa is his light; his one and only. Life has melody and color more now than ever. 

He studies Seonghwa’s sleeping face, his breathing so peaceful and sound. Hongjoong runs a finger very lightly over one of Seonghwa’s eyebrows. He is the most gorgeous person Hongjoong has ever seen. 

Hongjoong is sure that there are illustrations of stars in his eyes as he smiles warmly and places his lips on Seonghwa’s cheek. 

And as the light of day grows dimmer, slower now than it did before, the evenings clinging tighter to the sun with the changing seasons, he falls asleep with Seonghwa, their music still playing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that I don’t know how to end anything without them falling asleep LOL 
> 
> ok but tingles: overseas, anyone??? 👀✈️🌎
> 
> ((EDIT: OK YALL HAVE SPOKEN we’re doin the sequel!!! :') I’m super happy that so many of you are on board with the idea! 🥰 it’ll just be a little something fun & lighthearted before I start working on a new seongjoong AU)) ❤️💙
> 
> BUT ANYHOW! TINGLES oh my lord what a time :'D thank you guys, from the bottom of my heart, for making my first time writing a fic such a meaningful thing. I didn’t realize just how emotional over this I was going to be leading up to today. I feel indescribably privileged to say that I’ve had fun over the past 13 weeks in the midst of such trying times in our world. writing this was fun- sheer, genuine fun. I have so much hope in my heart, thank you for being a part of it 🌟💖
> 
> before I knew it this story was turning into a love letter from me to you guys. thank you for changing my life rn. thanks for making me feel a lot less lonely.
> 
> and thank you for being so uplifting and friendly and kind to me despite me being a babeytiny!!! 😭 I have sincerely appreciated that! there was nothing but positivity here and I find that so rare on any social platform these days. you guys have done wonders for my mental health 💖
> 
> aaand thank you so much to everyone who has read the filth that I wrote lmao go check out Part 2 of the Lonely Stars series if you wanna read the Tingles smutty one-shot —>
> 
> ALSO happy birthday ateezthicc!!! 🥳  
> \+ happy early bday to monbebez (sadghosts)!!! 🥳
> 
> //////////
> 
> and I leave you with these lyrics: [BTS - Your eyes tell](https://youtu.be/3if7K38xD40)
> 
> [tingles playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsenJSIypLny7PJCW9MaPCQacRSzNcTmG)
> 
> tingles playlist on [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0YbawlUZSlvoQi3TOjgTET?si=s55ZWuLtRumXqQ5A8XC1Zg) (courtesy of vampirevessel)
> 
> //////////
> 
> 🐣 twitter: hj_pan_cake


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